My Mental Health...

[drac]

is getting worse by the day. I don't enjoy much anymore. I live in fear that if I go to school, I'll get bullied even more. People just know how to push my buttons. They really do get on my nerves. One of the problems is that I'm too intelligent. My intelligence is far superior than the rest of my classmates. All my friends say that its like I'm not even in the lesson. All because I'm the class' 'geek'. I'm the responsible one. Everybody blames me for each and everything. Every two seconds its "Shut Up Fitzy!(my nickname)" even though I never talk during a lesson. Then people start punching me, kicking me, calling me a "faggot" only just because I would react. (I kinda came out to one person, A supportive friend.) Then during the next lesson, I would self harm by using a compass and/or pulling my hair or punching my head. Then I would blank out and be depressed. I've had suicidal thoughts before due to bullying but I have only ever attempted once. I tried to hang my self by using a Playstation controller wire. Its like I am practically screaming and crying inside everyday, just saying "HELP!!". I am pissed off with myself for reacting to these 'sadistic twats'. As I write this, I am crying. Sorry if I am rambling but I need to vent. These 'sadistic twats' are little cowards who should burn and die. Or me - should I do the same?

Thanks for reading. :D

[Fiction]

Those people are in the wrong, not you. You have done nothing wring just some people are that sad that they have to make there entertainment from bullying people they are jealous of, like you. Have you tried talking to a parent or teacher about this? maybe you can move schools or something. If none of this is possible just try to keep going with school, do well in your exams then move for college or something. Good luck. if you ever want to talk you can always contact me :)

[drac]

Thanks for your help!

I have talked to both teacher and parents. The teachers say "Its not our liability as sighted by the Govt." which is wrong under Irish Law and my parents say "Just stay until after your leaving cert." (GCSE equal)(Yes I was schooled in England for 12 years - wish I was back home) And you say move schools. That's a problem. There are only 3 schools where I live and I didn't feel safe when I toured around the schools. They just weren't my kind of people. Actually, most people aren't around here. They're like Neanderthals in their ways. I've have moved four times - even when I was in primary. I relocated alot and this place is just the final nail in the coffin.

[tombstone]

i wrote a really big reply but it didn't post ><

You shouldn't be angry at yourself for reacting to the bullies, its only natural. You should get help for the depression and suicidal thoughts, starting this thread is a step in the right direction :)

Any time you want to talk, about anything dont hesitate to contact me :)

[drac]

i wrote a really big reply but it didn't post ><

You shouldn't be angry at yourself for reacting to the bullies, its only natural. You should get help for the depression and suicidal thoughts, starting this thread is a step in the right direction :)

Any time you want to talk, about anything dont hesitate to contact me :)

Thanks for your help:)

You say that I shouldn't get angry at myself but I don't just don't know how. I cannot channel anger into things or other people, always at myself. I was always an angry child. I used to carry knives (I still do but only a Swiss army knife) - I even held one to my mother. That scared me alot. It was also the same night of my suicide attempt with the Playstation controller wire.

[tombstone]

If you have anger management problems, do you think its a good idea to carry a knife around? You could end up making a really big mistake.

[drac]

No, I don't think it is a good idea and I think that I need it for protection but I think its my mind playing tricks. I don't feel safe.