Um...yeah...

[screamtobeheard]

So, I know I haven't been on here in awhile, but I've just been really busy. But while I've been gone, my eating disorder or whatever the hell is going on with my eating/self image and such has been getting worse. I've been eating less and less. As little as possible. But anyway. Today, I ate too much. Well, too much for me, at least. And I felt so disgusting. And so I went to the bathroom and made myself throw up. Yeah, I've tried it before. But it never actually worked. And it hurt. And I know it was bad and awful and terrible and unhealthy and all that. But it feels so much better knowing that I got some of that disgusting food out of my body...I don't know what the point of this post was, but I needed to let that all out.

[Mattasaur94]

...I don't know what the point of this post was, but I needed to let that all out.
You answered it yourself, you just needed to let it all out.
That's what VT is for. (:

Welcome back to VT (I haven't been on in a while either).
Firstly, eating habits and self image are both mental-based, as with everything these days, what you need to do is try and understand what is wrong, and, by the looks of things you know what is wrong, it's just a matter of adjusting things and getting back on track.

Secondly; is it amount of food or the content of the food which makes you feel disgusting?
Personally I love apples as a substitute if I can't eat.
Or milkshakes and juice(separately, of course).

You shouldn't ever throw up.
It'll go through your body inevitably, so try and allow it to run it's course, even if you feel horrible.
If your worried with self image then throwing food up really won't benefit that. The acids that are in your stomach will inevitably destroy your teeth and you get horrid breath. So feeling gross, in this case, is better than looking gross, right?

It's all a mental process, and it's something which takes time and planning, small steps.
Start with adjusting your diet so it's healthy.
Eat things with nutrition, whilst, if it's too hard at this stage, is kept to a minumum.
Either way, you can speak with a doctor or a nutritionalist who will also understand the struggle and help you through it. (:
Chin up!

[screamtobeheard]

I think it's just that it's food in general. I don't like eating anything, really. *Shudder* Those are not fun consequences. I'm trying to work on getting myself back to a normal diet. It's just really hard. I don't know why, it seems so simple. Thanks so much for your advice.

[Mattasaur94]

go milkshakes. ;)

In theory everything is simple; but make sure you take the time you need.
Don't rush into anything chaotically.
Start small and plan step-by-step goals.
Just find a stable balance and slowly introduce things into it, even if it's just an extra piece of toast each week, or half an apple.

[closed]

It's always good to let things out. If you wrote it on VT, than obviously you felt bad enough, and you had to say it, and this is the right place for all those stuff!

I will be able to help you more if i knew what the source of your self-starving-
-do you feel fat?
-do you feel like not deserving any food?
-do you feel guilty when eating?


Anyway, the easiest thing you can do is make a schedule of what you are eating to every small thing. So you are aware of it from the beggining of the day, and even though it feels awful, you'll be more ready for this... Just keep fighting and you'll be alright!!

Contact me if you need to talk\some advice, i'll be glad to help...

[screamtobeheard]

Yeah, I feel incredibly fat. All the time. And eating makes it worse. It does make me guilty. I don't always feel like I don't deserve to not eat, but sometimes I feel like that. Only when I feel really, really bad about myself, though. I just hate eating. It makes me feel fat and disgusting.