Scar Pride?

[publicsecrets]

I'm fifteen years old and up until a few weeks ago, I cut my upper thighs with a protractor blade I'd sharpened into a knife point (I'm too scared to use razors, and it seemed ironic that all the exam stress was making me cut with a protractor). Anyway, I've counted >50 scars on my legs, and I'm almost proud of them? I know they're ugly to look at, and they give me hassle when I want to go swimming or whatever, but I can't help but think that they're almost an achievement? Does this make me totally insane?

[scuba steve]

Why would you count the amount of times you have self harmed an achievment? I personally would consider this kinda wrong, ok if you get into a fight you can brag about how you broke your knuckle breaking some guys chin, but it doesn't have quite the same effect when it you slicing your thighs with a protractor.

[dizzydinosaur]

I used to feel proud of what I'd done to myself

Now, not so much.

I don't think you should think of them as an achievement, but whatever you do, don't become ashamed of them.

[Punk_Kid]

I know what you mean. I don't feel as much pride as I used to. Now all I feel is hatred and anger towards the person/event that gave me the stress. If you haven't cut for too long then try to stop. It is worse than smoking and twice as addictive for most of us. Plus the "withdrawal" symptoms suck.

[enjoying_my_insanity]

well in a way its normal....in my mind...cuz the scars show that you got thru something youre still alive...broken but youre still fighting so in a way you have at least one reason to be proud

[RAWWR]

i think it depends on the reasons behind why you're proud of them, i mean, i am proud of my scars because i know that without them, i wouldnt be alive. they have gotten me through so much i love them as if they're my best friend, but i still hate them because well, it was probably the worst coping method to choose, and like punk kid said, it is worse than smoking, i have now gone about 3 weeks without smoking with only minor cravings, compared to the 1day without self harm and i am DESPERATE to do it again, but am trying to give up :/

[Fiction]

I think this is fairly normal. With me some days i will hate my scars. They stop me from doing what i want and get in the way a hell of a lot, and i'll hate myself for doing this to myself.
Other days i love them. I can see what i've done to myself and somehow this makes me feel better. I love counting my scars and seeing the mess i've made of my arm and legs. I really don't know why but i think it's fairly normal amongst self harmers. As to whether this makes you "totally insane", your guess is as good as mine.

[Punk_Kid]

I consider myself to have mild insanity. I think it runs in my family.:yes:

[georgiamay]

I go throgh stages. I always hide my scars and stuff, but there will be a few times every now and then when I'll look at my scars and think, "I did that." It's not so much pride, but it kind of makes me feel safe, as though no one can hurt me as much as I can hurt myself.

I think it's pretty normal. Everyone feels different about the scars in the same way that people self harm for different reasons.

[Fiction]

I get that too Georgia, makes me feel safe. My scars, like my sh never has to leave me. Whatever goes on in my life that's still there. It always will be.

[Mike321]

There have been a few occasions where I've felt 'proud' of my scars but they are a part of me and a constant reminder
But like some of the others have said, never be ashamed of them
And I agree with what Georgia and Kathy said, they make me feel sort of safer

[blah_x]

Yeah dont ever be ashamed of your scars. I can understand the "proud" bit like i did them and that. Depending on my mood, i can like or loath my scars... but in general they make me who i am.
you are not insane :)

[cbanc]

I wouldn't say that I am "proud of my cuts but I always cut the back of my hand (along with my leg) because I can see it all the time whenever I do something I remember what I did and feel bad about it and try to use these feelings to make me stop but I also feel like they are a part of who I am and trying to get rid of them would be like trying to get rid f a part of myself. The cut on the back of my hand is now a scar as a permanent reminder of who I am but also what I should try to not do.

[Syvelocin]

Seeing them as an achievement is not really the best way to look at it. However, pride is something I see. I will not cover my arms nowadays. I've never been ashamed of them, and even the scars that have been there for years I still find disturbingly beautiful. I'm very proud of them. I never showed off the fresh ones of course, but after they healed and after I stopped cutting my arms, I never once covered them up for the purpose of hiding them.

The scars on my legs are a different story entirely though. They make me a bit self-conscious and uneasy to say the least. While I'm still proud of them and think they're beautiful as well, I will not go out in public without them covered or hidden with makeup, in fear that the first person who sees me will call an ambulence on me or something. All my bad scars are on my much-easier-to-hide legs... :/