I can't eat

[Nevermore]

I struggle with Ana. It is sort of a love hate relationship with her. However I can't seem to eat, I'm afraid one little piece of food will make me huge. I already consider myself huge, so I exercise. It becomes an addiction. I watch the number of calories burn on the treadmill and it's like a number game. This is the same thing with the scale. I'm never happy with my weight, even though I am underweight, and not fat, it's just that, I can't beleive it. I'm struggeling with eating currently and was wondering if anyone had any tips to help get nourishment back into my body? Any tips for the mind. I don't even watn to drink anything, I'm afraid even my body will hold onto that. I'm afraid that if people see me eat, they will think I'm fat, even though eating is a normal thing and everything I eat is extremely healthy. I haven't expressed these feelings iwht my pyscologist yet. Well she knows about my struggle eating around people and is taking me into the real word next weekend to conquer my fear. When I do eat now, even if it is healthy I try to purge. I'm starting to gag myself a lot lately, and I know it's not good. I just can't stop. It's not even like I'm purposely gaging either. After I eat, when I'm alone and think about food and what I've eaten I start gaging. I haven't started throwing up again. My mother knows I ahve an eating disorder. I think a lot of people do. I just need help, because I'm starving. I'm so hungry, but I won't let myself eat. I need help. :(

[screamtobeheard]

I know how hard it can be to make yourself eat when all you're worried about is losing weight and never gaining an ounce, but it's important to get nutrition into your body. Try taking some vitamins, as well, to keep yourself healthy. And just start small. Maybe eat a few bites at first, and try to be calm when you eat it. Then keep increasing the amount you eat. It sounds like you want to recover from your ed, and you're going to need support. Try to find some close friends who will always be there for you along the way. And feel free to PM me if you need any support. Good luck, hun. (:

[Rutherford The Brave]

I'm struggling with ana myself, let me tell you something. I'm so skinny, its not funny. I should eat, but I can't because I just hate looking fat, and not to mention the fact that my house hardly has food. You need to eat things that are filling but aren't substancial. I found that rice was the right thing for me, you have to find yours.

[Nevermore]

Thank you both for your help. I was able to force myself to eat a banna and some veggies yesterday. I know that's not substantial, but I read somewhere that when you starve your body will hold onto everything and turn it into fat, so I ate fruits and veggies. Ha! body try and turn those into fat!!! xp
Gregory- Rice is good. :) I'm glad you were able to find your substantial food source.
Amanda- Thank you for your help. I have made it consicous to my close friend and boyfriend about my eating disorder. They make it worse. When they see me eat they make it a big deal, by saying omg!!! she's eating!!! This makes me feel self conscious and fat, and I lose my appeitite. They also lke to talk to each other about my eating. I have told them both that it does not help me because my social anxiety disorder makes me feel really self conscious. It makes me feel like people are always judging me on what, how much, I eat. I look around to see how much they are eating and their eating pace, and follow theirs or eat less. Most of the time I can't even eat in school because people will think I'm fat. I can't order food. It's really hard. I think tehy are starting to slowly get better about not saying anything when I eat. Which is good.

[Weeping]

I was able to force myself to eat a banna and some veggies yesterday. I know that's not substantial

I'm glad that you could eat something anyways, like they said,
you're gonna have to start with just a little and then go for
more when you feel ready for it.

Good luck hun! :hug:

[Nevermore]

Thank you, Elvira. :)

[screamtobeheard]

That's hard, when they won't leave you alone about it. But I totally understand where you're coming from with not being able to order food or eat at school. I don't have social anxiety disorder, but I always feel like people judge me on how I eat as well. And I always make sure I eat at a slower pace, and less than everyone else. Good luck with everything!