I dont know how to explain this feeling

[mranderson]

I had lost my knife for awhile, i looked for it a bit but couldnt find it, i looked really hard last night. When i was looking for it, i wanted to cut so bad, and i felt like, i guess an orgasmin like feeling when i was trying to look for it, like cutting for some reason tonight would be amazing. I did cut after i found it. I dont even know why i cut anymore. I used to then i wouldnt eat for some reason and i feel so fat. Every day i think about everything bad ive done, and how i hate myself so much...Getitng off topic, but does anyone else feel like this before they cut, just some unexplainable amazing feeling?

[RAWWR]

sometimes i think, like, i dunno how to explain it, but kinda like this is gonna be the bast feeling in the world, and i can't wait for it to happen, and then after you just feel relaxed, and sleepy. like nothing can ever hurt you again. but then the next day you feel stupid. and you're in pain, and you regret it, so you get upset with yourself, then SH to punish yourself, its a vicious circle, beleive me.

[Punk_Kid]

I've narrowed my cutting down to just when I'm in bed past 9 PM. So all through the day I'm kind of anxious, even as I'm here typing this I can't get my leg so stop involuntarily shaking lol

But right before I do cut, I always get a kind of "high" feeling, and then afterwards my whole body feels tired but in a good, comfortable way. I hate it but at the same time I love it:P

[RAWWR]

^^exactly, like, i feel so exicited just before, y'know, like that feeling you get on christmas eve when your a child and you hang you stocking up and leave out milk and biscuits for 'santa' then you go to bed and you're SO excited. its like that. and then afterwards you just feel so calm and sleepy, like you've been drugged or something. But its not always good. SH still ruins your life, no matter how good it is at the time.

[UnknownError]

Because you need it. You feel like you really need to cut.
And you probably hadn't cut for a while, so you were kind of feeling excited.

[acleanerlight]

i do the same thing. it's the anticipation that gets me, the planning it out in my head. that's actually similar in a lot of other addictions, the build up, the before.

the after, not so much. :p

[spfreak]

Ya felt the neeed because your body is so use to it, and it has become an addiction.

If you wanna quit, you always can overcome addictions with hard work and a lot of patience. Good luck

[Punk_Kid]

^Yep.

But don't try to quit al at once. Try to restrict how often and when you cut, then get used to that and knock it down a bit more.

If you've ever talked to an ex-smoker then they might have done that. The goal is to slowly decrease your physical/mental dependency on it.

But in the meantime always try to find and develop better coping methods:D