Girlfriend of a year and a half left me. But i dont understand

[Necroxfiendx07]

My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me about 3 days ago. I love her to death, and she keeps telling me its over. I had insecurity issues and would get so mad at for the smallest things. Finally she couldnt take it, and said it was the end. When i ask why she wont take me back, or give me an opportunity to fix my mistakes, she just tells me the damage is done. And she can't anymore. First time i got to contact her since the breakup, we talked over AIM. I begged and pleaded, got no where. But she told me she still loves me deeply, and maybe in a few years we can be. But not now, she needs to find herself. Today i was able to talk to her again. We went on Webcam, and even talked on the phone. I told her how much she meant to me, and she told me how much it hurts and how she cant stop crying. How her happiness is only in me. She tells me when guys flirt with her she still tells them to take a hike. I really had her coming back, until she was forced off the phone.. So back to AIM we went, (where there is absolutely no emotions of course) and finally she just told me the damage is done. She said ill always be the only one for her, but she cant predict the future. She said she needs time to find who she is, and she said she doesn't know how long itll take. She said she might even die without ever knowing. She keeps telling me she loves me, and keeps letting herself talk to me now and then. All she keeps saying is that maybe in a few years we can be. Im a wreck, a mess. I told her id never touch anyone else but her, and she told me im still the only guy for her, but like i said, doesn't know what the future holds. What does "maybe in a few years" mean? Does this mean that with given time she will eventually come back to me? I hurt her a lot because of my insecurity issues, blowing up at her, etc. I can't move on, because she keeps telling me she loves me. As time goes on, i feel every time we talk i get closer and closer to finally getting her back. I know she loves me, or else she wouldnt even give me the time of day. All i wanna know is, with given time, a week, a month, many months, is there still a chance she will come back to me IF what she's saying is the truth? Sometimes we say "maybe in a few years" when we really just need some time. Even a little time. She tells me she still cries about it, still misses and loves me. But then when i ask her why she just cant give me one more chance, she said cause the damage is done and every time this happens, we get better and then crash again. I love this woman. Should i give her a few weeks for her to think things through and find herself? Do you think there is a CHANCE she will come back?

*UPDATE 11-9-10*
Well we got back together, and i pushed quitting cigarettes on her. She told me she would try. But for some reason i kept pushing and pushing, and she snapped again. Needless to say its over once more, and this time she blocked me from AIM., and the stupid side of me TOLD her when we got back together that "You know, me not talking to you was my tactic to get you back, seeing as how you'd miss me and come to me". She said "Oh no! haha" I told her so we could laugh about it, and we did. Just now, that its over again, she has the vital piece of information. So last night she told me it was over. That she just doesnt see it working out, not after what happened. So i left her alone. Until about an hour ago. I texted her saying, "Is it Alex?" (her ex boyfriend. Noticed they were friends again of FB. They were on and off for two years, thought she loved him, etc etc). So much to my surprise, she answered me. "Wtf? No! Why?" And then we just kinda talked from there. I said "Do you still love me? lol" And she said "Of course doofus, i still love you" Nothing serious, pretty casual. Stuff like "Hows school, hows life, etc" It was a very nice conversation, Then i asked her if we could maybe be friends. She told me she cant do that, if she saw me or heard my voice, all the emotions would drive her crazy. Then i said "Then Cari, are you going to ignore me forever?" And she said "No, but its all i can do. I cant do it again, im sorry" So i just kept it cool and said "Ok Cari, well it was every nice talking to you. Best part of my day. Who knows what the future holds! Goodnight" and she said "Me too, goodnight." So now i dont know what to do again. Do i give her more time and text her here and there? Or do i completely shut off all contact with her and wait for her to come to me again, unless she knows thats my plan. I just need help cause i can't see if there are any hidden messages she gave me, or anything. The fact she ignored the "How knows what the future holds!" tells me that maybe there is still a chance. Ahh! I dont know what to do!

*UPDATE 11-14-10*
More recently she's been texting ME and we've been talking on the phone. At one point she said she "didnt wanna give me the wrong idea", yet whenever me and her talk on the phone we flirt with eachother, laugh, smile, the whole thing. She unblocked me from facebook, from AIM. And last night we spent a good amount of time just sending eachother pictures. (nothing dirty or anything, just regular pictures). I asked her to come over my house for my birthday (November 30th) and she said she'll think about it. She knows like me, she has no will power when it comes to each other, which is why she is hesitant to come over my house for my birthday. Shes afraid she'll slip right back to me, which is of course what i want lmao. But at this point im taking it slow with her and just SHOWING her im not that needy suffocating guy she knew, instead im the guy she first met a year and a half ago. And i plan on staying this way, as it makes me AND her happier. She actually asked ME for my email address so we can be friends over a video game we both play online. Shes starting to talk to ME more, as opposed to me always trying to get her attention. Can anyone give me their opinion on where me and her stand right now? Am i on the right path to returning to my beloved?

[Kaius]

Tbh dude i went through a similar thing last september/october time. She left me for someone else because they were apparently better for her than me because i had some trouble with trust and things. Needless to say it was an excuse, but thats not neccesarily the case here.

Leave her be for a little while, because persisting will push her away further. I think from what you've told me theres a chance, yes. But i think it has to be on her terms. Give her a week or so to cool off and then maybe write her a letter of some sort explaining how you feel and then give it to her while you're in her presence, it'll be a bit better than not being there when she reads it. But i think if you're wanting to get her back you really need to get someone to help you with your insecurities, because i know from experience, and they can be a bitch to you and your girlfriend. Good luck man, all the best.

[Necroxfiendx07]

Tbh dude i went through a similar thing last september/october time. She left me for someone else because they were apparently better for her than me because i had some trouble with trust and things. Needless to say it was an excuse, but thats not neccesarily the case here.

Leave her be for a little while, because persisting will push her away further. I think from what you've told me theres a chance, yes. But i think it has to be on her terms. Give her a week or so to cool off and then maybe write her a letter of some sort explaining how you feel and then give it to her while you're in her presence, it'll be a bit better than not being there when she reads it. But i think if you're wanting to get her back you really need to get someone to help you with your insecurities, because i know from experience, and they can be a bitch to you and your girlfriend. Good luck man, all the best.

Thank you, problem is we live an hour apart. I cant be in her presence unless she lets me, and i fear that won't happen. At least not for a long time. But it hurts. A lot. Ive never cried and begged so much. I cant eat, cant focus. Shes everything. I know this happens to so many people, but that doesnt mean it hurts any less. If what she is telling me is a true. All i need to do is give her some time to miss me even more. But i just dont know if this is wishful thinking, or if its still a real possibility. I cant wait a few years, obviously if i HAVE to i will. But with my mindset right now, i cant. A few weeks sure, but not years. Unless thats just her way of telling me she needs time.

[Kaius]

Ah..well, then hopefully if she has her space she may relent a little bit. Best thing to do is possibly talk to her one last time, ask how much space she wants before you can talk things through like adults, and then go from there about it. Absence makes the heart go fonder, and hopefully thats what this case will be. I know how hard it is going from being comfortably in a long term relationship to suddenly being alone and tbh its not pleasant, if you need to talk at all you can pm or email me at the email address in my sig il be happy to listen to anything you need me to.

[Necroxfiendx07]

Ah..well, then hopefully if she has her space she may relent a little bit. Best thing to do is possibly talk to her one last time, ask how much space she wants before you can talk things through like adults, and then go from there about it. Absence makes the heart go fonder, and hopefully thats what this case will be. I know how hard it is going from being comfortably in a long term relationship to suddenly being alone and tbh its not pleasant, if you need to talk at all you can pm or email me at the email address in my sig il be happy to listen to anything you need me to.

Thank you so much for the response. Its so hard, the pain. The only reason I feel she will eventually give me one more chance is because of what's going on. If it was truly over, she wouldn't reply to my messages, she wouldn't tell me she loves me (even if she did), she wouldn't make comments like "maybe years from now". I'm just worried that one day its gonna hit me that she has met someone else, and that will devestate me to no end. She told me I'm the only guy for her, BUT she doesn't know what the future holds. A little contradicting. Sometimes you just know when its over, and for some reason I still have hope. As incredibly hard as it will be, I will give her some time. I just don't know where to go from there

[Kaius]

I hope it goes well for you, but i think you need to give yourself that protection in case it does come to that one day, im not saying it will but its better to be prepared, than unprepared and you get hurt by it. Good luck

[oldenburg007]

If she's still contacting you she's probably having a hard time letting go. She may not be quote on quote "in love with you" but she still knows what you had, and what you were, and no matter what anyone says feelings never subside. The only thing you can do is give her time. Time gives people a chance to think and time to reflect. I can't say whether she can/will come back to you or not. But stay positive. But remember there is a point where waiting becomes useless, and know will know when it is over. If you ever need to talk I'm here. :)

[Paladino]

I hope she goes back out with you in time man. I know exactly how you feel right now and its really bad man, hope you get back with her.

[Necroxfiendx07]

Well, i sent her a message this morning about possibly coming over so we can have some closure together. (She lives an hour away, so we cant just see eachother when we please). Anyways, she responded, saying she cant. She said there is nothing else left to say. Said if she came over she might crawl back to me, or want to be intimate with me. She said I need to move on and be happy. She said she needs to whats best for her, no matter how much she loves me. So i took this in, and accepted it. Im not gonna beg for her to come over, that will only push her away farther. Im hoping if i give her time, absence will make the heart grow fonder and she will contact me. I just cant help but wonder, can anyone give me reassurance?

[Strength]

"needs to find herself"

in other words shes looking to have if off with a few diff guys...

[Necroxfiendx07]

"needs to find herself"

in other words shes looking to have if off with a few diff guys...

I dont know if i believe that. She had a very troubled past, and even got mad at me when i requested a break mid way through the relationship to date around for a bit as ive never had experience. But thats a different story (and yes, wrong of me. Which is why the break lasted less than a week). She still promises me that there is no one else, she just needs to stop changing herself for everyone else and focus on what's important, her life. I firmly dont believe she wants to "have it off with a few diff guys..."

[Necroxfiendx07]

Update posted!

[oldenburg007]

She's only going to keep tearing you to pieces until there is nothing left. She has you wrapped around her finger, my friend it's time to let go and move on. You deserve to live a happy and healthy life, free of running in circles and dirty little games. Any person deserves so much more.

You have your whole life ahead of you to find true love, why are you selling yourself short? Love isn't about fighting to keep a relationship running, but to keep everyone happy. Down the road are you going to be together, probably not. You are supposed to enjoy each other and have fun, which it appears is lacking right now. Your using her as a crutch, but you are your own person.

If she thinks she needs to find herself, ever consider you have to do the same?

You have a whole world to explore, full of wonderful caring, far less high patience people.

Saying you need time to find yourself, is a girl's way of saying I can't be with you, but I don't know how to live without you right now.

I don't have a lot of experience with dating games, but what I do know is that there is a point where fighting to keep something alive simply no longer works. Sometimes the magic is gone, and can't be rekindled.

We are all here if you need to talk/rant :)

[Necroxfiendx07]

I appreciate the advice, but the thing is i still love her. I still WANT to be with her. All im looking for is a way to get her back, maybe signs she gave me or something. Maybe all i need to do is wait and not contact her for a while.

[oldenburg007]

I appreciate the advice, but the thing is i still love her. I still WANT to be with her. All im looking for is a way to get her back, maybe signs she gave me or something. Maybe all i need to do is wait and not contact her for a while.

That is the exact problem. You told her your "plan" to get her back by drawing her towards you, by ideally driving her away. She's just going to ignore you, because she knows what your doing. I think one thing you may want to try is writing her a letter letting it all out and telling her how you really feel. I've had people do this to me before when I bluntly ignored them for something stupid that they did, and it wasn't like I could ignore it because it came to me, I didn't go to it.

I think it's worth a try, and the fact that she still loves you says a lot. But next time don't push her into doing something so quickly. If I had a boyfriend who I took a break from and got back together with the first I wouldn't want to hear out of his mouth is that I should quite smoking. That's not so romantic is it? Pressuring her, or any girl into something right off the bat is going to drive them away, no questions asked.

[Necroxfiendx07]

So i recently i just noticed she BLOCKED me from facebook as well. She deleted me when she broke up with me, but now she actually BLOCKED me from there too, so now i cant send her messages. A few more days and ill be convinced im just in denial about there being hope.

[oldenburg007]

So i recently i just noticed she BLOCKED me from facebook as well. She deleted me when she broke up with me, but now she actually BLOCKED me from there too, so now i cant send her messages. A few more days and ill be convinced im just in denial about there being hope.

She may just want space. Let her be for a while. Clingy ex-boyfriends don't give the best impression.

[Necroxfiendx07]

She may just want space. Let her be for a while. Clingy ex-boyfriends don't give the best impression.
This is what I was thinking. She finally gave me a few minutes today, and we texted. She told me AGAIN, that it was over. I told her she never really gave me the chance to prove myself to her. She asked me to stop, please. So I stopped, and just let her know that the door is always open. I told her my heart will always be open for her, and to have a great day. And she said "you too". Somewhere in the conversation i did ask her to never lose contact with me, and she agreed. I also asked her "Cari, do you EVER see us being possible again? in the future?" And she replied "Who knows, idk the future". so of course i was skeptical and asked "Do you REALLY not know, or are you just saying that?" (i dont want false hope here), and she said "I truly dont know Anthony." So now i really don't know where her mindset is. The future to an 18 year old girl could mean tomorrow, a week, 2 weeks, a month, or several. I feel like her HEART wants me (she said she still loves me), but her brain is afraid of getting hurt again. Which is perfectly reasonable, plenty of people have that battle sometime in their lives. I just don't know how to take this conversation we had.

[Sage]

This is what I was thinking. She finally gave me a few minutes today, and we texted. She told me AGAIN, that it was over. I told her she never really gave me the chance to prove myself to her. She asked me to stop, please. So I stopped, and just let her know that the door is always open. I told her my heart will always be open for her, and to have a great day. And she said "you too". Somewhere in the conversation i did ask her to never lose contact with me, and she agreed. I also asked her "Cari, do you EVER see us being possible again? in the future?" And she replied "Who knows, idk the future". so of course i was skeptical and asked "Do you REALLY not know, or are you just saying that?" (i dont want false hope here), and she said "I truly dont know Anthony." So now i really don't know where her mindset is. The future to an 18 year old girl could mean tomorrow, a week, 2 weeks, a month, or several. I feel like her HEART wants me (she said she still loves me), but her brain is afraid of getting hurt again. Which is perfectly reasonable, plenty of people have that battle sometime in their lives. I just don't know how to take this conversation we had.

I think you are unaware of how clingy you're coming off as.

[Necroxfiendx07]

I think you are unaware of how clingy you're coming off as.

I know im coming off as clingy. Unfortunately it's the only thing that satisfies my nerves. I just hope from what i've been saying, there is still a possibility of us getting back together. If not now, then in the future. I love this girl, and the fact that she still loves me is what kills me. Because she loves me, but wont be with me. (which i know happens. doesn't make it suck any less). Truth be told, id rather he be completely annoyed with me and hate me, then love me and not be with me. Cause then it just keeps me going.

[Sage]

I love this girl, and the fact that she still loves me is what kills me.

She could have just been saying that to spare your feelings. I've seen girls do that all the time.

[Necroxfiendx07]

She could have just been saying that to spare your feelings. I've seen girls do that all the time.

Of course this is a possibility. Anything is possible. It's possible she could have been lying to me from day 1. But that's irrelevant. I'm asking for help, assuming this is all TRUE.

[Sage]

Of course this is a possibility. Anything is possible. It's possible she could have been lying to me from day 1. But that's irrelevant. I'm asking for help, assuming this is all TRUE.

'Tis better to make as few assumptions as possible, and preferably none, if you're seeking peace of mind. Nay, I think it's quite relevant.

[Fact]

Of course this is a possibility. Anything is possible. It's possible she could have been lying to me from day 1. But that's irrelevant. I'm asking for help, assuming this is all TRUE.

I'm sorry, but I have to partly agree with Sage here.
The more positive assumptions you make, the more let down you'll be if they're not true.
Try to be realistic about things. It's difficult to do in your situation, but just try. It's going to hurt a lot. However, I think you'll be a stronger person in the long run.

Just keep as much of an open mind as possible, it will help you.

[Necroxfiendx07]

I'm sorry, but I have to partly agree with Sage here.
The more positive assumptions you make, the more let down you'll be if they're not true.
Try to be realistic about things. It's difficult to do in your situation, but just try. It's going to hurt a lot. However, I think you'll be a stronger person in the long run.

Just keep as much of an open mind as possible, it will help you.

No of course i should be realistic. Im just saying, if everything im being told from my ex is TRUE, then what steps could i take to maybe getting her back?

[Fact]

No of course i should be realistic. Im just saying, if everything im being told from my ex is TRUE, then what steps could i take to maybe getting her back?

Okay.
Even if everything she has said was true, I'm not sure what your chances would be of returning to a successful relationship.
Presuming everything she has said was true, then maybe you'll want to wait it out. I did read your original post and I've forgotten all of the exact details, but I just can't imagine your chances are good here unfortunately.
You can still try, though. But it may do you more harm than good in the end.

[Necroxfiendx07]

Update posted