um.. idk what to put here..

[megamikey59]

is there any way possible to stop my life without it hurting?? tell me please..
and is there anyways to make life better? cause everyday my life gets worser and worser.. and this is the first time i post here.. i don't see a point in everybody else's posts that i've read.. they just tell about they f'ed up life with no questions what-so-ever..

[schrei jess]

Well, you cant be helped if you dont want to be helped. That's one thing Ive learned through my three year fight with depression. My emotions and views of the world have gotten so bad, that I dont think things could get any worse. Is that the way you feel?

Now reading your first sentence, are you asking for a painless way to commit suicide? If you are, you will not get an answer. No one here will help you kill yourself, if you are that desperate - you can figure it out on your own.

And yes there are ways to make life better. But you have to want to get better. Now not everyone can afford it, but, it's worth a try if you can. Get a therapist. A lot of people think they are full of shit - but they can help. Ive had one ever since I first got depressed in the 6th grade. She has a lot of great advice but, Im so far into this shit that I dont think I can get out. And I guess Im a lost cause, because Im so closed shut that I cant figure myself out anymore.

You can get depression meds from your therapist. They can help you a lot, but they have been known to make people feel worse. I guess it just depends on what kind you take. My therapist put me on zoloft when I first started seeing her, from there they upped my dose until I was up to 150 mg. Then she realized it wasnt working, and I was put on welbutrin along with the zoloft. Not working. Now Im on zoloft, welbutrin, and efexxor (sp?), and Im going off the zoloft slowly. So far, nothing, no results. But thats just me, meds can help a lot of people, maybe you. You wont know till you try.

So talk to your parents about getting a therapist, and once you get one, talk to he/she about getting meds. If you cant afford either, try seeing a school counselor. Just be careful what you tell them, because if you say anything about cutting, self harm, or suicide - I think they are required to tell your parents. Atleast, my school counselor told my mother. I never saw him since, made my life worse.

Anyway, hope that helped some. PM me if you want to talk. Ive got IM also.

[megamikey59]

i've done basically everything you said except taking the meds.. NOBODY and i mean nobody gives a shit about me basically.. i don't want to be depressed.. i just want to forget everything... i wish somebody could knock me on the head and give me the ultimate amnesia or whatever.. i've been seeing a psychologist um about 4 for about um 4-6 years.. they don't help me at all.. they just make things worse.. and i've told everybody i want anti depressant pills or w/e and they said go see a doctor.. i've been to the doctors for um like 10 times already.. like 5 times for lost of blood and 5 times to try and get an antidepressant.. but i never tell the dynagoiist guy or w/e that evaluates me the truth.. i don't trust him.. i did once with another guy and he told everybody.. i can't even trust myself..

[schrei jess]

A doctor is required to keep his patients info confidential. Whatever you say to your doctor should be kept private, that is a law. So whatever doctor your seeing, should be turned in, it's illegal what he is doing.

In order for you to get what you need, you have to tell the truth, the whole truth. They cant give you the medicine unless you have the symptoms - so you have to tell them everything you're feeling.

I dont know what else to tell you. You could run away. I am in no way saying this is the right choice, but if whats in your life now is bad, then run away from it all. If there is anyone you could stay with, go to them. If not, then, maybe you could call one of those teen help lines? Talk to them or something? Usually the people there have had experience with these things and actually know what they are talking about.

[megamikey59]

i'm not calling no stupid help lines.. sure i would if i talk normal.. i have like a british accent and like high pitch voice and i stutter.. so if somebody at school hears it then they'll tell everybody and that'll make my life even worser.. and every "friend" aren't really my friend.. they just hang out with me and make fun of me.. i don't see them after school.. they don't invite me to their houses.. i just gave up on seeing them out side school.. and i'm basically giving up on life it's self.. and here's another question

why should i or anybody else here in the world live?? we're all going to die eventually so why start life if everything in life is bad..

[schrei jess]

Okay, how would someone at your school hear you call someone on a help line? You call from home, using a cell phone etc. etc. Now how in the world would someone hear that? You're not making any sense. And like I said, if you wont accept or seek out help, then you cannot be helped. So if you put down every attempt at help or solution I give you, then there is no sense in myself or anyone else trying to help or give advice.

And to answer your question: Not everyone feels that way. It is the depression talking. It takes you over, controls your thoughts and feelings - it basically becomes you. You're not Mikey (Im assuming that is your name) anymore, you are Depression. We might as well wear a name tag that says "Hello, My name is DEPRESSION".

And yes, we will all die eventually, but not everyone has depression, not everyone wants to die. A lot of people enjoy life. And not everything in life is bad. Infact, a lot of life is good. But depression puts a sort of fog around around you, I call it the black fog. It filters out everything that is good and happy in life to where you cant see or feel it.

So there you go. That is the cold hard truth.

[megamikey59]

ok fine i'll try and call them.. but don't it go to like live radio or something?? that's what they do in love line..

[schrei jess]

Ive never called one, actually Im considering it right now, but Im pretty positive they would not put it on radio.

I have no idea what love line is, but if that's like a movie or something, then they did that for the plot - that wouldnt happen in real life. And if you are really concerned, just do a fake voice - talk funny.

[megamikey59]

i already talk funny.. everybody says so.. and some people think my voice sounds cute.. well mostly girls :-) first time i smiled all week wow.. um off topic but anyways.. love line is a talk show on the radio and you talk about love and sex and sexual problems and stuff.. idk randoms tuff i guess..

[Bobby]

Don't worry, they will keep that stuff private. Do you go to school? If so then try to see the school counselor.

[TheWizard]

school counselor = good advice

[megamikey59]

so far.. i go to like 1 school marriage and family intern.. 1 school psychologist and 1 school counselor.. so i already do that :-P