1_21Guns
November 5th, 2010, 10:56 AM
Kay, so I had them really bad in the past, but I somehow calmed down one hell of a lot a couple of years back, and now i'm slipping back that way, and I really don't like it.
I can't seem to stop it, or have any control over it.
A girl who used to bully me in primary prevented me from getting through a door to my locker, and started with some of the stuff she used to bully me with, but as shes about 3x the size of me, it wasn't even worth retaliating.
When she eventually let me pass, I just went to my locker (very angrily, and tried to keep calm), I then spent the walk from there to science trying to do the same thing. When we got into science I wasn't calming, but I wasn't getting any worse, so I sat down and just as I was about to put my head on the desk to calm down my two friends next to me were messing, I was oblivious of this until one of them stabbed at my side trying to tickle me,
I just snapped "FUCK OF.. sorry, i didnt mean to do that" and somewhere at the begining of me snapping, I lashed out at her and managed to bruise her hand slightly. I didn't know i'd done that until she told me.
After snapping I punched the desk twice and just broke down, another friend had to take me out of the room completely.
We went for a walk, and I more or less calmed down but on the way back a boy tried to stop me going down the stairs, so i shoved him quite hard and told him to fuck off, once again I was nearly in that angry frame of mind.
I just don't know whats going on, I know i'm more stressed than usual at the moment, but the change just seems drastic, there was an incident like this both last week when I snapped at my friend, and then a few weeks before when I snapped at someone else.
I don't mean to do it, I just don't even know what i'm doing and i'm scared of myself. When I get like that it seems anything in my way just gets hit, and despite my size I can do damage.
I just don't know what to do with myself, anyone got any suggestions on how I could calm down more or something? :confused:
I can't seem to stop it, or have any control over it.
A girl who used to bully me in primary prevented me from getting through a door to my locker, and started with some of the stuff she used to bully me with, but as shes about 3x the size of me, it wasn't even worth retaliating.
When she eventually let me pass, I just went to my locker (very angrily, and tried to keep calm), I then spent the walk from there to science trying to do the same thing. When we got into science I wasn't calming, but I wasn't getting any worse, so I sat down and just as I was about to put my head on the desk to calm down my two friends next to me were messing, I was oblivious of this until one of them stabbed at my side trying to tickle me,
I just snapped "FUCK OF.. sorry, i didnt mean to do that" and somewhere at the begining of me snapping, I lashed out at her and managed to bruise her hand slightly. I didn't know i'd done that until she told me.
After snapping I punched the desk twice and just broke down, another friend had to take me out of the room completely.
We went for a walk, and I more or less calmed down but on the way back a boy tried to stop me going down the stairs, so i shoved him quite hard and told him to fuck off, once again I was nearly in that angry frame of mind.
I just don't know whats going on, I know i'm more stressed than usual at the moment, but the change just seems drastic, there was an incident like this both last week when I snapped at my friend, and then a few weeks before when I snapped at someone else.
I don't mean to do it, I just don't even know what i'm doing and i'm scared of myself. When I get like that it seems anything in my way just gets hit, and despite my size I can do damage.
I just don't know what to do with myself, anyone got any suggestions on how I could calm down more or something? :confused: