Painted_Indian_Horse
November 4th, 2010, 06:49 PM
didn't really know where to put this, so move it if necessary :)
this is kinda hard to put in words, but i feel like i don't have emotions. whenever something happens that normal people would cry or be excited about, i act indifferent. yes, i'm sad. but i'm not going to show it. i don't feel the need to express emotion about things to other people. i'm a stone wall, and sometimes come off as a cold, cynical, soulless bitch. but i honestly and wholeheartedly telling the truth when i say i don't know how to react with emotions. if i'm excited about something, i'm not going to show it. if i'm anxious, sad, apprehensive, amused, etc., i react the same way externally. i will only recognize whatever it is. if it's funny, i smirk and laugh and stuff, but i really only laugh hard with my friends. and no one, absolutely NO ONE, will see me cry. i hold back my tears until i am alone. that's the last thing i want. sometimes i'll be sitting in class, feeling totally shitty, letting everything get to me, but i will not cry until i am alone. to me, crying in public shows your weakness. i have to put on a strong, impenetrable defense when i'm around people, and i don't know why.
i'm pretty sure it's the coping mechanism emotional detachment, where a person's brain strips the emotions away from a situation. but i don't only do it with bad things. my question is how do i get over it? i feel like if i were able to show my emotions around people they would be more inclined to be my friends. :what:
this is kinda hard to put in words, but i feel like i don't have emotions. whenever something happens that normal people would cry or be excited about, i act indifferent. yes, i'm sad. but i'm not going to show it. i don't feel the need to express emotion about things to other people. i'm a stone wall, and sometimes come off as a cold, cynical, soulless bitch. but i honestly and wholeheartedly telling the truth when i say i don't know how to react with emotions. if i'm excited about something, i'm not going to show it. if i'm anxious, sad, apprehensive, amused, etc., i react the same way externally. i will only recognize whatever it is. if it's funny, i smirk and laugh and stuff, but i really only laugh hard with my friends. and no one, absolutely NO ONE, will see me cry. i hold back my tears until i am alone. that's the last thing i want. sometimes i'll be sitting in class, feeling totally shitty, letting everything get to me, but i will not cry until i am alone. to me, crying in public shows your weakness. i have to put on a strong, impenetrable defense when i'm around people, and i don't know why.
i'm pretty sure it's the coping mechanism emotional detachment, where a person's brain strips the emotions away from a situation. but i don't only do it with bad things. my question is how do i get over it? i feel like if i were able to show my emotions around people they would be more inclined to be my friends. :what: