don't know what the title should be tbh.

[georgiamay]

For the last few days, I didn't eat a single thing until dinner. Except for last night, I think I had 400 calories before dinner ish... But then today my friend mentioned it on the way home from school, and I said it was nothing. We went to the highstreet and she bought me a chocolate bar. I ate it to prove a point that I didn't have a problem. But then I had an overwhelming urge to throw up. I didn't because the toilets were packed, and I knew people would hear me.

I've always gone through stages with eating for years. I mean, 1 week I'll eat normally, and the next week I'll only eat when I'm with people. But I've never thought about throwing up before.

I've weighed myself 6 times today. I know I'm not fat, but the number on the scales is what gets to me. I've lost 6lb in the last 3 days. It's not really much, but I want to lose more. I don't even know why.

I thought this was just another stage of not eating until I realised today that I've alctually started wanting to purge my body of everything whenever I'm forced to eat.

I've got dinner soon, so I know I'll have to eat then, because my parents always want a "sit down meal." But Today I ate a small-ish chocolate bar and I don't want dinner. I don't even feel hungry.

I'm not sure if it's just another stage of not really eating that I go through every few weeks or not. I'm so confused >.<

I feel like a hipocrite as well, cause for a while I've been saying to people, "weight is just a number," but I can't stop thinking about the number I see on the scales. Hopefully it's just a more aggressive phase. Maybe I'll be fine next week.

[Syvelocin]

I feel like I'm going through phases like that myself. Though it'll be maybe three days that I'll have my "usual" appetite, eating what my doctor is telling me to eat, and then it'll switch out to another phase for a couple days, where food just looks disgusting to me and I have to be forced to eat. I need to really force myself to eat during those phases, whether I want to or not, to keep on making progress toward conquering my ED and finally getting to a healthy weight. Keeping my metabolism steady is important. Eating one week and starving/purging another doesn't do that.

6 lbs. is a lot for three days, hun. 2 lbs a week is the most you should be losing if that's your goal, but since I don't know how much you weigh, you probably don't need to be losing weight anyway.

I know it's hard since weighing yourself has probably become that habit and obsession, but it's best to weigh yourself more like once a week instead of a couple times a day. Reminding yourself of your weight, whether you're at an average weight or underweight, and you hate that number, won't help. I used to go crazy not being able to weigh myself as much as I used to, but you grow to adapt to the new schedule of weighing yourself after a while.

I hope that helped at all...
:hug:

[georgiamay]

thanks, it did help :) I just had dinner, and I ate pretty much all of it. But I don't think I'll be eating at all tomorrow except for dinner in the evening.

I've been exercising like mad as well, that's probably why it went down a lot more than it would do.

Thanks :)

[Fiction]

Georgia, 6lb is a lot. Like a hell of a lot. You've told me your weight, considering you do karate, it's not a lot. You have a lot of muscle. If you continue to starve yourself you will loose this and see you performance in competitions and stuff go down... and you don't want that do you?
I go through phases like this as well, I don't starve myself all the time. As for purging, it's a horrible thing to do. It starts off at home, until your doing it in public toilets and believe me it isn't nice.
I really hope this is just a phase, but maybe you can make it just a phase. Try to eat more. 3 meals a day is what any normal person eats. Your clever as well, lack of food causes lack of concentration and with your GCSE's this year it's really important that you can concentrate properly because you have pretty ambitious plans for the future. You're clever, don't let this now ruin your future.
You know i'm always here if you need to talk :) xx