*sigh*

[Fiction]

I really want to be skinnier... I'm 5"4.3 and weigh 98lb. I always loose so much more weight during the school holidays and i go back to school tomorrow. The next holidays i have are Christmas holidays, the most impossible time of the year to loose weight. I really need to loose weight before then so that i can perhaps afford a tiny bit of weight gain during....
I know i shouldn't care about any of this but i really do. I just want all this obsession in my head to go away. i want not to care what i eat but it isn't fucking going away. :/

Sorry for the rant.

[Rick's_Rodeo_Girl]

Kathy! You need to eat more and GAIN weight not loose it! Honey i know this is the hardest thing your gonna have to do but you have to eat. You have to. Your tiny sweetie. Eating isn't what makes you fat. Its the whole no exercise and eating enormous amounts of fatty foods that do. You should eat small meals throughout the day rather then meals that are large once or twice a day. To start with eat two small meals. Like a peanut butter sandwhich and when you hungry again eat another or eat a turkey sandwhich or some mac and cheese.

[Fact]

I really want to be skinnier... I'm 5"4.3 and weigh 98lb. I always loose so much more weight during the school holidays and i go back to school tomorrow. The next holidays i have are Christmas holidays, the most impossible time of the year to loose weight. I really need to loose weight before then so that i can perhaps afford a tiny bit of weight gain during....
I know i shouldn't care about any of this but i really do. I just want all this obsession in my head to go away. i want not to care what i eat but it isn't fucking going away. :/

Sorry for the rant.

Don't be sorry for the rant meine Tochter.
You know you definitely don't need to be any thinner than you already are. As Devin said, you actually need to gain weight.
I know how fixated you are on controlling your weight and I know it's hard for you to resist the urge to purge/not eat, but you need to realise that by gaining just a little bit of weight gradually, that will give you much more control.
I think that if you gained some, your weight would be more constant because your body wouldn't be crying out for fat stores all the time, therefore you'd stay at a more constant weight whatever you ate/how often etc.
Seriously, if you get much thinner/lighter/skinnier, whatever it is you think you're after, you'll be at a dangerous rate.
Also, it won't be helping your heart problems etc. with you being this thin and not taking in correct amounts of food, so I think if you're healthier in that respect, your heart might not be so bad (just a theory).

I know this seems like one big rant at you to eat, but I just don't want you to feel like this anymore. It's horrible to see how thin you are all the time and how you're 'happier' when you lose weight.
It's not healthy and you need to find something else to concentrate on (not cutting) that you can control and makes you feel good.

I love you, please think about this carefully.

[Fiction]

I do eat, that's my fucking problem. I kinda know i have too but.. idk. It's like, it's hard not to eat because i get too tempted but it's hard to eat because of all the guilt going on in my head.
I'm making plans for the next few days on how little i'm going to eat and i know i shouldn't but i really can't help it :/
And thanks Symone, i know it isn't helping my heart problems at all but idk :/ There is nothing i can concentrate on other than this. Idk i'm so confused :/
Love you too x

[Fact]

I do eat, that's my fucking problem. I kinda know i have too but.. idk. It's like, it's hard not to eat because i get too tempted but it's hard to eat because of all the guilt going on in my head.
I'm making plans for the next few days on how little i'm going to eat and i know i shouldn't but i really can't help it :/
And thanks Symone, i know it isn't helping my heart problems at all but idk :/ There is nothing i can concentrate on other than this. Idk i'm so confused :/
Love you too x

What is it that's confusing you exactly?
You keep mentioning being confused a lot.
♥

[Fiction]

Why, when i know i'm skinny, i still want to loose weight. And why whenever i eat i get this guilty feeling and begin to hate myself, yet i still eat quite alot. How i feel like i'm too weak to resist eating when i know i shouldn't even be resisting eating and it'd probabaly take alot more for me to eat... or does it. Cause i seem to be doing a whole fucking lot of it anyway :/

[Fact]

Why, when i know i'm skinny, i still want to loose weight. And why whenever i eat i get this guilty feeling and begin to hate myself, yet i still eat quite alot. How i feel like i'm too weak to resist eating when i know i shouldn't even be resisting eating and it'd probabaly take alot more for me to eat... or does it. Cause i seem to be doing a whole fucking lot of it anyway :/

I've never seen you eat a lot and when you do it's always healthy.
You need to work on re-brainwashing yourself into believing you CAN eat almost whatever you like within reason.
I know it's not the best timing ever (or is it?) because of exam stress etc. but if you're not worrying about whether you're losing/gaining weight then things in general would probably seem a lot easier to deal with, if you can crack it.

You need something else to focus on... I don't know what that might be, but you need to stop feeling guilty and weak because I know you're not! And I think you know you're not too.
♥

[Fiction]

Hmm :/ I have made my plans for how much to eat when i get back to school and it's pretty low. Once i make plans like that it's so hard not to stick to them :/

[Fact]

Hmm :/ I have made my plans for how much to eat when i get back to school and it's pretty low. Once i make plans like that it's so hard not to stick to them :/

Setting yourself ridiculously low meal plans is like setting yourself up to fail and therefore feel guilty/weak.
I am going to be feeding you tomorrow.
♥

[Fiction]

Please don't -_- If i eat more than i have planned i really will feel like a failiure.

[Fact]

Please don't -_- If i eat more than i have planned i really will feel like a failiure.

Which is exactly why you don't allow yourself to plan in the first place.
Maybe this one can be your weaning-off-diets-plan? You're obviously not happy about it, otherwise you wouldn't post on here for advice/help/ranting.
♥

[Fiction]

My diets always just go to shit anyway, that's why they need starting again. I'm not happy because i always end up fucking them all up and gaining weight again.

[Fact]

My diets always just go to shit anyway, that's why they need starting again. I'm not happy because i always end up fucking them all up and gaining weight again.

But that's what you need! Weight Gain!
Even if it's subtle, even if it's 1lb or 2lbs a month over half a year!
You'd feel so much better for it if you could break your cycle.
Food for thought (no pun intended).
♥

[Fiction]

yeah but i get to points where i eat more. Like these last few days. Where i eat a normal amount and eventually the guilt takes over again.

[Fact]

yeah but i get to points where i eat more. Like these last few days. Where i eat a normal amount and eventually the guilt takes over again.

Distract yourself? Counteract the guilt. Tell yourself it's for the best and embrace the fact that you're part way recovering.
♥

[Fiction]

I don't even need to "recover". Another confusing thing, do i even have an ED? :/

[Fact]

I don't even need to "recover". Another confusing thing, do i even have an ED? :/

You do & yes, you do.

[georgiamay]

yes, considering what you just told me, you do have an ED.
When you eat more than 1000 calories, that's a good thing, there's no need to feel guilty about anything. Even that amount is too low, you should be at 2000 a day.
have you spoken to anyone about this in real life? face to face? It does help.

98lb is so light. You don't need to lose anymore weight, and no matter how much it seems like you do, you don't.

You're beautiful. Remember that. And you're one of the nicest girls I've ever met. You don't deserve to feel this way.

:heart:

[Love.Hate]

Kathy your perfect the way you are now.
Dont change. plus its christmas, everyone gains weight at xmas
its part of the fun.

Remember that, you dont need to change!

Fran xxx

[Fiction]

Thanks Georgia and Fran. :)
And no I haven't... not really. I've had the odd conversation with my bf but it isn't really a conversation. He doesn't know what to say back.

[closed]

Oh Kathy, i wish i could say the right thing right to help you, but i'm going to try.
You don't need to loose weight, you are beautiful the way you are. If you continue not eating you will end up in a hospital with a tube down your mouth (not fun). You look great, and you let things hurt you easily because you are realyl sensitive. Try to stop it, either by talking to a professional bf, friend, parent or anything because you need to help yourself.
YOU WORTH THE BOTHERING. You are destined to help so much people. you can do it, but first help yourself.

[Fiction]

Thanks Aidan. :)
I just have no idea how to even begin helping myself, everyone seems to say just eat but there is still guilt attatched to all of that... :/ And i'm too fucking sensative for my own good which makes me feel pathetic :/

One thing i love about this site is it makes me feel that people actually do care and this thread has showed me that :) Thanks all of you :)

[Fact]

Thanks Aidan. :)
I just have no idea how to even begin helping myself, everyone seems to say just eat but there is still guilt attatched to all of that... :/ And i'm too fucking sensative for my own good which makes me feel pathetic :/

One thing i love about this site is it makes me feel that people actually do care and this thread has showed me that :) Thanks all of you :)

You need to let yourself go ^^
You know how to do that, but you still express guilt in the beginning of course.
And I know you know because you smoked again - you let go. Not suggesting you should do that again -_-. Point being, you're capable of doing it! Just gotta learn how to channel it into eating now and keep it permanent.
♥

[Fiction]

Well my bf just made it clear he doesn't give a fuck about any of this. What's the point in trying to get better. You probably all think i'm going totally over the top with this that i'm a fucking attention seeker. I actually hate myself because if there wasn't a reason that no one gave a fuck then it wouldn't happen.
I'm just fucked up. If i have an ED then i am fucked in the head, if i don't then i make a fuss over nothing.

[Fact]

Well my bf just made it clear he doesn't give a fuck about any of this. What's the point in trying to get better. You probably all think i'm going totally over the top with this that i'm a fucking attention seeker. I actually hate myself because if there wasn't a reason that no one gave a fuck then it wouldn't happen.
I'm just fucked up. If i have an ED then i am fucked in the head, if i don't then i make a fuss over nothing.

Either way, you have a problem. And as friends, we want to help you fix that problem.
Joe's problem most likely isn't that he actually doesn't give a fuck, maybe he can't relate/doesn't understand/doesn't want to understand what's going on with you.
Also if he thinks you're attention seeking or as you put it 'making a fuss over nothing' then he might put it aside. I've seen how he is with you and he probably thinks you don't need to change anyway, which wouldn't help.

Anyway, original point. Your friends want you to get better. Try it out for us? Please?
We all give a fuck.

[Fiction]

Either way, you have a problem. And as friends, we want to help you fix that problem.
Joe's problem most likely isn't that he actually doesn't give a fuck, maybe he can't relate/doesn't understand/doesn't want to understand what's going on with you.
Also if he thinks you're attention seeking or as you put it 'making a fuss over nothing' then he might put it aside. I've seen how he is with you and he probably thinks you don't need to change anyway, which wouldn't help.

Anyway, original point. Your friends want you to get better. Try it out for us? Please?
We all give a fuck.

What do you mean you've seen how he is with me?

And i don't know how.

[Fact]

What do you mean you've seen how he is with me?

And i don't know how.

I meant that he's sweet to you. He wants to be around you and he wouldn't spend time with you if he thought it was a waste/you weren't worth it.

You do know how. Only thing stopping you is yourself. You've got all the support you want/need from your friends Kathy, think about it ^^

[Chris_Likes_Drums]

You've got all the support you want/need from your friends Kathy

Got loads of people, like us, me, Joe, most of the VT community and everyone at school? (Im guessing) and everyone who goes band :) Peachie ect. we all love you for you, just the way you are! x

[Fiction]

Lol at school. yes everyone loves me at school, like joe gives a fuck. I'm sure you all love me but i don't neccisarily want to share my problems with all of you.
Thanks for the post though :)

[Rick's_Rodeo_Girl]

Kathy. Girl, listen. I give a fuck. I usually don't. About you i do. You wormed your way no joke. HOney you are the perfect size. INfact your porbably TOO skinny and under weight. Sweetie. I love you. Remember that.

[Fiction]

N'aww thanks Devin :)