Tips?

[Ender]

So many people tell me I'm a cool guy, and that I'm good looking, yet its so hard for me to find someone to date... The people i do ask arent interested, and when I get lucky and someone says yes, it usually turns out to be a very brief and shitty relationship (even the online ones).

Now, I have this guy that is kinda flirting with me, he's "straight but curious", and a coworker. We've been talking everyday and I'm starting to really like him and i think he's feeling the same way.

So, three things.

1. how do i get people to like me?

2. how do i be sure they like me, so i can save myself the humiliation from rejection?

3. how do i keep a steady, long term relationship?

[Fact]

IMO.

1) Positive attitude and not being conceited. You want to be able to be happy in any relationship you're having otherwise it's fairly pointless, so you have to have a positive take on things. Also, no one likes someone who loves themselves (not suggesting you do) so try not to come off like that.

2) Well, you can't really ever be 100% sure on what someone else is thinking/feeling, but if they're flirting with you, want to spend lots of time with you/would go out their way to see you, are pretty much always happy around you and you have the ability to cheer them up even when they're really sad, then they probably like you (of course there's lots of other things too that I can't think of right now).

3) Keeping a steady and long term relationship is a two way thing - it's no good going into it totally dedicated and wanting to be 'together forever' if the other person just isn't thinking like that. Long term relationships are generally based on trust, faithfulness, truth, happiness and just working together. It's hard to define, though, because you've got the whole 'everyone's different' thing and so people will perceive things differently to others.
For you personally to make yourself more 'long-term-friendly', you need to be potentially ready to do that list of things on a long term basis.

You sound like you're on to a winner with this co-worker of yours. Only thing would be if it didn't work out then it might be awkward for you afterwards...

One other thing, if you genuinely don't like the person but they're dying to be with you but you're not truly interested, don't go out with them for the sake of it. It will only ever end in tears when the reality dawns on you, unless of course they grow on you, but you shouldn't have to be like that with someone you want a relationship with.
These things take time, too. Let them flourish.

Hope this helped :]

[The Dark Lord]

1. how do i get people to like me? By being yourself. You said you are both likeable and good looking so people will be attracted to you, also you are a pretty decent guy on VT so Q1 shouldn't be an issue

2. how do i be sure they like me, so i can save myself the humiliation from rejection? Ask a mutual friend to make enquires? TBH I used to suffer from the same problem but then I thought "fuck it who cares if they say no", now I'm winning

3. how do i keep a steady, long term relationship? Yeah, that's difficult I've been going out for my gf for ages and I guess the trick is keeping in contact all the time but not being too needy, always be available for meeting up, having stuff in common and surprising them with gifts.

Hope this helps

[Ender]

Thanks guys, those are both really good points. *starts taking notes*


Anyone else?

[Azunite]

Dearest Ender,
First of all I never thought you had such problems, now ...
1. how do i get people to like me?

Be yourself ! Let people know that you are not trying to act like someone else. Don't look like other people , be diffrent (But I dont say be a freak lol )
Make jokes, try not to tease people and be pushy. Help people with stuff. For example, I can make girls like me when I talk about their problems and give them advice. Do that !

2. how do i be sure they like me, so i can save myself the humiliation from rejection?
Simply, If they want to continue the conversation, then they like you.

3. how do i keep a steady, long term relationship?
That I cannot say, never had a relationship :)

[Ender]

Dearest Ender,
First of all I never thought you had such problems, now ...


Everyone has issues now and then and can use a drop of advice. I'm sure even our dear friend Ant needs a hand now and then.

Thanks for the tips :)

[nick]

1. how do i get people to like me?

Dont try to hard, just be natural and yourself. You are one of the most genuine, friendly and helpful people on site here, if your friends dont see that side of you its their loss.

2. how do i be sure they like me, so i can save myself the humiliation from rejection?

I wish I knew, I dont think there is anyway. I shy away from asking anyone out because my self esteem makes me sure they wouldnt say yes. But its a nothing ventured nothing gained situation really, you have to be prepared to take the risk to have any possibility of getting the reward.

3. how do i keep a steady, long term relationship?

Find the right balance between regular contact, reassuring your partner of your love, and giving them freedom to do their own thing too. Be attentive and loving but not obsessive, its difficult to get the balance right.

[Ender]

1. how do i get people to like me?

Dont try to hard, just be natural and yourself. You are one of the most genuine, friendly and helpful people on site here, if you're friends dont see that side of you its their loss.

2. how do i be sure they like me, so i can save myself the humiliation from rejection?

I wish I knew, I dont think there is anyway. I shy away from asking anyone out because my self esteem makes me sure they wouldnt say yes. But its a nothing ventured nothing gained situation really, you have to be prepared to take the risk to have any possibility of getting the reward.

3. how do i keep a steady, long term relationship?

Find the right balance between regular contact, reassuring your partner of your love, and giving them freedom to do their own thing too. Be attentive and loving but not obsessive, its difficult to get the balance right.

Thanks nick :)

[jcfla9]

If the person is still curious, wait for him to figure things out. He probably has a lot on his mind, stuff at home, school, stuff at work, etc. So he probably needs time to think about things, but when the day comes that he figures things out, he will probably let you know. Hope this helped! :D

[Ender]

If the person is still curious, wait for him to figure things out. He probably has a lot on his mind, stuff at home, school, stuff at work, etc. So he probably needs time to think about things, but when the day comes that he figures things out, he will probably let you know. Hope this helped! :D

Ah shit, i forgot i posted this when i asked you to join...

[Sage]

1. how do i get people to like me?
Charisma.

2. how do i be sure they like me, so i can save myself the humiliation from rejection?
Ask them.

3. how do i keep a steady, long term relationship?
Keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds.

[artex]

some really good point made here already... but to add to your Q's

1. how do i get people to like me? as some have said BE yourself and really i have learned IF i am happy even if its not the best of days and i am cheerful and just being myself things go so well. also it may sound silly but i look at myself and try to think "would i be a good friend to some?" and i think thats important too.. a positive attitude goes far people dont like to hear some one bitch all the time.. my personality is fairly easy going and i think that helps too . Its good to have a common interest with people too i have found that when you do its like a bond.. be it fellow swimmers or you like the same music, class , tv shows or w/e

2. how do i be sure they like me, so i can save myself the humiliation from rejection?
its kinda hard but IF people make an effort to talk to, thats a good sign and you should be willing and able to do the same all it takes is a happy/positive remark and to be sincere. you can ask a trusted friend too in some cases i know for me i can tell when some1 likes me by their body language too

3. how do i keep a steady, long term relationship? be open and admit to mistakes and know that sometimes it can fade but if you just be YOU and get to where you can have talks to the other person about any thing then its going good.. at times i have talked to some friend of mine for 5+hours and its about all sorts of thing.
i think #1 be yourself and know that if it doesnt work out dont let it get you or be mean or hateful to them
Good Luck!!!! :)