Immortal Love
October 30th, 2010, 10:47 PM
Death and Life.
Ice and Fire.
Night and Day.
Dark and Light.
Sitting in the shadows, my breath quick, shaking and uneven.
' Do it, do it quick! I'll feel better after I do'
I close my eyes, bringing the silver sharpened blade down upon my chalky white wrist. It stings, but only for a split second.
Cut
Cut
Cut
Crimson blood begins to run, easing the pain away.
My breaths become even and calm as I sigh, feeling the release of my bottled up emotions pouring out.
No tears, not even a flinch as I keep up my cuts.
Blood, has never been so pretty.
***
"I'm going WHERE?!?" I yelled at my mom in shock as to what she just said. She glared at my raised voice and backed me up a little. "You heard me. Your going to one of those Recovery Camps. It will be good for you and help you stop this" she grabbed my right arm, shoving the sleeves of my jacket up to expose the red lines that criss crossed across my wrist. I winced, for the material of my jacket has rubbed them the wrong way. I pulled my arm back and crossed them carefully. "Like that will help! Your sending me to a place for disturbed teens! That's going to ruin me!!" she just looked at me and shook her head. I went back to my room and slammed the door I didn't have. I looked at my Closet mirror, glaring at my wretched self. I had plain light brown hair of shoulder length. I was wearing it up for once too. I had a average body size, even though I hated how I looked.
I wasn't very tall either, which didn't help my case .I normally had a soft face, but at the moment it was hard and cold. My Forest Green eyes were slowly filling with tears as the seconds ticked by. I sighed, walking over to and sitting down on my bed .I pulled up my laptop and went to my E-mail to talk to Garrett, the love of my life. He was going to flip when I told him. I clicked on his name, seeing that he was online waiting for me as usual. 'There you are! Where have you been?' I read and sighed. He was always wondering where i was, what I was doing and why. 'Sorry. Mom was just.. informing me of something, and I need to talk to you..' i clicked enter and waited for his reply. 'What's wrong?' I frowned, telling him everything and waiting with a worried expression. I was right, he flipped.
Great, more yelling. I growled, just as Mom came in smirking. I wish I could wipe it off her face.... "Oh, and your leaving in a hour" SHOOT ME!!! I blinked for a second, before throwing my head back and screeching loudly. Here came one of my blow-up moments. One minute I was yelling, then next I was bawling my eyes out. I told Garrett and he stopped yelling, and called me on the phone quickly. We talked a little bit and he promised he would visit ASAP, since very ironically the place was in Ohio. I packed a few things, some clothes, books, my Ipod and Cell Phone. We drove out to the airport and before I knew it I was off to Ohio, but not going where I would of preferred.
After a few hours,the plane finally landed and I got off, quickly walking inside the airport and to where I was supposed to meet the people to pick me up. Unfortunately, it didn't take me long when over the Intercom, I heard a female voice directing myself and a few other kids right to where I was supposed to go. Unwillingly, I walked towards my destination and saw the Guardsman people waiting. They took my bag and escorted me and a few others outside to where a White blue looking school bus was waiting. I got on and looked around before taking my seat in the farthest away seat from anyone I could find. My eyes darted around nervously, looking at all the unknown faces. Some of them looked Scared, some horrified, and lots of them were just blank. I sat down, scrunching down in my seat and curling up to wait for the long ride awaiting me. I closed my eyes and drowned out some of the kids who were mumbling incomprehensible things.
Awhile later, we arrived in front of a white brick building and were bustled out and into the place. We were given room numbers and escorted by the guards to our rooms. Mine was ironically 31. The guard opened the door with a key pad thing and pushed me inside telling me I had One call per day before closing and locking the door behind me. I looked around and frowned. The room was fairly large, with a few beds around. There was indeed a small table and phone. The walls were pure white, and brick. there was one window, but with steel bars on it of course. The bed by the window I decided to claim, so I walked over and looked at it. There was two White sheets, and a hard, uncomfortable pillow. I sat down and sighed, curling up and staring out the window. I sighed, walking over to the phone and dialing Garrett's number. After a few rings he answered and I smiled. "Love? it's me." I waited for him to talk. "Oh, hey there. How is it over there?" I sighed, shaking my head. "Scary as Hell. I hate it" I said, my voice sounding hopeless. " Don't worry Babe, I'll come visit ASAP, okay?" I smiled again and nodded. "Okay" "See you soon. I love you" he said. " See you, love you too" I said , saddened that our call was so short.
"Bye" he said, hanging up. I sighed, hanging up and walking back to my bed and curling up again. I thought of how much I hated this place, and how much I just wanted to get the hell out of it. I hated the people, the walls, the room, the beds, the everything. I hated that mom sent me here, I hated that my stupid arms were the reason i was here. I Hated that I, my own self, my own stupid uncontrollable emotions were the reason I was here. I kept up a string of swear words going in my head until the noise of someone outside my door caught my attention. The door opened and a guard shoved another girl inside. She stumbled inside and whipped around to swear at the man. The door shut and she growled, and turned around and faced me. I was shocked to see who was in My room now. "Bree!" I exclaimed, jumping up and going over to hug her. Her eyes were wide with shock when I hugged her. "H-hunter? why are you here?" she whispered as we went over to my bed and sat down. I calmly and carefully pulled the sleeve of my worst arm up and exposed the long deep gashes that were on it.
She gasped and sighed, laying her hand on the wounds softly. I still winced, and twitched a little when she moved to touch it. "I thought you quit" she said quietly, looking up at me. I nodded, pulling my arm away and putting the sleeves down again. "I did to, but I just can't Bree. I'm to far in now to just drop it and stop. I-" I shut up, not wanting to keep going. When I tried to explain to people, they always got weirded out and left me. I couldn't shove her away now. Bree was my best friend since we were little. I could talk to her about almost anything, but not even this. I needed her right now. Bree was my age, but she looked like a movie star compared to me. She had gorgeous long, wavy Auburn hair. Her body was that of a Model's. Perfect curves and everything!. Her face was flawless, no blemishes, freckles, or dimples. She had the deepest, most hypnotic blue eyes I have ever seen. I envied her oh so much. What I wouldn't do to be like her. I sighed, frowning as I stared at her.
She frowned, touching my shoulder lightly. "Hunter? What? You can tell me." I shook my head, pulling my knees up again and lightly wrapping my arms around them. "No Bree, I can't. Your like my sister, but I can't even tell you. She went to protest by stopped, seeing he despair in my face. She shut up and nodded. "I understand" she said and I twitched a smile.. "So, why are you in here?" I asked, my voice airy sounding. She looked at me and laughed, which kind of scared me. "Why do you think? After I tried to kill you my parents said that was it." I winced at that memory. Bree had Schizophrenia, so she heard voices in her head. They told her to do things, and sometimes she did them. It didn't used to be this bad, but awhile ago, one day they told her to Kill me, and she tried, alot. It was the scariest thing in my life. "Oh, I see" I whispered as I heard someone opening the door. Another guard, but he was holding two sets of clothes for us. They were pure white, and looked like hospital gowns that came with some pants. He threw them to us and crossed his arms.
"Take off your clothes and put those on" He ordered and we both hesitated. "Now" he growled and we both quickly changed. I glanced up while I was changing and was disgusted by his expression. He was smirking, checking us out. Bree saw it too and looked ill. We finished and folded our old clothes. He smirked, taking them and walking away again. I looked down and frowned. My arms were on full display now. Great....
After awhile, the lights shut off, signaling time for bed. I crawled in mine and just layed there, staring at the ceiling while Bree fell asleep quickly. I don't know when, but I finally drifted off to sleep.
The next morning,two guards came and told us to go down to the Food room, and escorted us down there. When we walked inside I was utterly frightened. There was ALOT of kids, and some were handcuffed and being held down and forced fed. I guessed these were the Bulimic and Anorexic ones. Some kids looked scared out of there minds, and I saw even more blank ones. "You two are table B" they told us and I took off fast as I could to the table across the room. When I was within seeing range I saw a boy sitting there shaking like crazy. I hesitated, but kept going and sat down. Bree sat on my other side and I nervously looked at the boy. "Are you okay..?" I whispered but he didn't answer me. When I looked around the whole room was staring at him, some sighing and shaking there heads, some still looking terrified. After a few minutes, we were brought our food and when I saw it, I wanted to toss my cookies. It was nasty as hell looking and smelled rotten. I heard a gagging noise and looked at Bree. She looked horrified and we both nodded and silently pushed our bowls away. We sat there silently until some guards came over to us again.
They looked at our full bowls and frowned. "Why aren't you eating?" one of them asked and I glanced up. "Not Hungry" I mumbled as quietly as possible. " I don't feel well" Bree replied with a innocent expression. They looked at us and pushed our bowls at us again. "Eat. This will be your last chance for 12 more hours" they said and I shook my head. biting my cheek to keep from gagging. "No, I swear I'm fine." I said a little louder and pushed it away again. Bree nodded and pushed it away also "Same" The sighed, talking to eachother before walking away. After a few minutes they came back and were talking to a Doctor, and gesturing towards us. My eyes grew huge and Bree smiled. They walked over to us and I tensed up, gripping the table tightly. The Doc smiled at us and made a gesture to stand up and walk over to him. Bree, rather happily might I add stood up and walked over. I on he other hand stayed put.
They watched me, waiting and Bree waved me over. I lowered my head, glaring at them with my 'Shut up and leave me alone' look. The guards walked over to me and poked me up with two scary looking guns. I jerked up and walked over by Bree, eyes wide. The Doc smiled again and pulled us away from other kids who were watching us intently. Once far away enough he turned and said quietly. "So, why are you two not eating?" he asked calmly. "I just don't feel well" Bree said again. "Not hungry" I said lowly, holding back my irritated voice. he frowned and gestured to the guards. "You two should come with me" he said to us and I clenched my fist while Bree was grinning "Okay!" she chirped and started following. I stayed back and followed slowly before I felt another tip of a gun pushing me forward. I sped up and walked beside Bree now, a string of swear words in my head.
We were lead into his office where there was your typical desk, nice office chair, and two hard, uncomfortable chairs across the desk. He sat down in the nice chair and waited for us to sit. Bree of course, was first to sit, where as I stood standing behind the empty chair. I glanced around the room, seeing all the degrees and diplomas he had earned. I scowled, not believing a single one of them. I glanced down, seeing the name plate on his desk. 'Dr. Jackson Sims'. Hm, interesting name.... He looked up at me and smiled, gesturing towards the chair. "Please, do sit down Hunter" I hesitated, but lowered myself into the chair. As I sat, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, not liking being in here. Dr. Sims looked at us and smiled. "So, why are you two here?" Bree was again, more then willing to be first to speak. She tapped the side of her head and smiled "I hear voices" her voice was happy and giddy even. "Ah, I see, and how about you Hunter?" I pursed my lips, my hands folded in my lap casually.
I was NOT telling this guy my 'issues'. Bree rolled her eyes, making an impatient noise as she grabbed my right arm and exposed the scars, and recent slashes. I growled under my breath, jerking my arm away from her and hiding it again. Dr. Sims frowned, seeing my reaction. “Perhaps I will just speak with Bree for now. Hunter, you can go back to you room. I will come and speak with you later.” Oh thank God... I couldn't stand being in this room any freaking longer! I stood up hastily and opened the door where of course, those darned guards were waiting. They escorted me back to my room where I ran to my bed and cried for a long time
Ice and Fire.
Night and Day.
Dark and Light.
Sitting in the shadows, my breath quick, shaking and uneven.
' Do it, do it quick! I'll feel better after I do'
I close my eyes, bringing the silver sharpened blade down upon my chalky white wrist. It stings, but only for a split second.
Cut
Cut
Cut
Crimson blood begins to run, easing the pain away.
My breaths become even and calm as I sigh, feeling the release of my bottled up emotions pouring out.
No tears, not even a flinch as I keep up my cuts.
Blood, has never been so pretty.
***
"I'm going WHERE?!?" I yelled at my mom in shock as to what she just said. She glared at my raised voice and backed me up a little. "You heard me. Your going to one of those Recovery Camps. It will be good for you and help you stop this" she grabbed my right arm, shoving the sleeves of my jacket up to expose the red lines that criss crossed across my wrist. I winced, for the material of my jacket has rubbed them the wrong way. I pulled my arm back and crossed them carefully. "Like that will help! Your sending me to a place for disturbed teens! That's going to ruin me!!" she just looked at me and shook her head. I went back to my room and slammed the door I didn't have. I looked at my Closet mirror, glaring at my wretched self. I had plain light brown hair of shoulder length. I was wearing it up for once too. I had a average body size, even though I hated how I looked.
I wasn't very tall either, which didn't help my case .I normally had a soft face, but at the moment it was hard and cold. My Forest Green eyes were slowly filling with tears as the seconds ticked by. I sighed, walking over to and sitting down on my bed .I pulled up my laptop and went to my E-mail to talk to Garrett, the love of my life. He was going to flip when I told him. I clicked on his name, seeing that he was online waiting for me as usual. 'There you are! Where have you been?' I read and sighed. He was always wondering where i was, what I was doing and why. 'Sorry. Mom was just.. informing me of something, and I need to talk to you..' i clicked enter and waited for his reply. 'What's wrong?' I frowned, telling him everything and waiting with a worried expression. I was right, he flipped.
Great, more yelling. I growled, just as Mom came in smirking. I wish I could wipe it off her face.... "Oh, and your leaving in a hour" SHOOT ME!!! I blinked for a second, before throwing my head back and screeching loudly. Here came one of my blow-up moments. One minute I was yelling, then next I was bawling my eyes out. I told Garrett and he stopped yelling, and called me on the phone quickly. We talked a little bit and he promised he would visit ASAP, since very ironically the place was in Ohio. I packed a few things, some clothes, books, my Ipod and Cell Phone. We drove out to the airport and before I knew it I was off to Ohio, but not going where I would of preferred.
After a few hours,the plane finally landed and I got off, quickly walking inside the airport and to where I was supposed to meet the people to pick me up. Unfortunately, it didn't take me long when over the Intercom, I heard a female voice directing myself and a few other kids right to where I was supposed to go. Unwillingly, I walked towards my destination and saw the Guardsman people waiting. They took my bag and escorted me and a few others outside to where a White blue looking school bus was waiting. I got on and looked around before taking my seat in the farthest away seat from anyone I could find. My eyes darted around nervously, looking at all the unknown faces. Some of them looked Scared, some horrified, and lots of them were just blank. I sat down, scrunching down in my seat and curling up to wait for the long ride awaiting me. I closed my eyes and drowned out some of the kids who were mumbling incomprehensible things.
Awhile later, we arrived in front of a white brick building and were bustled out and into the place. We were given room numbers and escorted by the guards to our rooms. Mine was ironically 31. The guard opened the door with a key pad thing and pushed me inside telling me I had One call per day before closing and locking the door behind me. I looked around and frowned. The room was fairly large, with a few beds around. There was indeed a small table and phone. The walls were pure white, and brick. there was one window, but with steel bars on it of course. The bed by the window I decided to claim, so I walked over and looked at it. There was two White sheets, and a hard, uncomfortable pillow. I sat down and sighed, curling up and staring out the window. I sighed, walking over to the phone and dialing Garrett's number. After a few rings he answered and I smiled. "Love? it's me." I waited for him to talk. "Oh, hey there. How is it over there?" I sighed, shaking my head. "Scary as Hell. I hate it" I said, my voice sounding hopeless. " Don't worry Babe, I'll come visit ASAP, okay?" I smiled again and nodded. "Okay" "See you soon. I love you" he said. " See you, love you too" I said , saddened that our call was so short.
"Bye" he said, hanging up. I sighed, hanging up and walking back to my bed and curling up again. I thought of how much I hated this place, and how much I just wanted to get the hell out of it. I hated the people, the walls, the room, the beds, the everything. I hated that mom sent me here, I hated that my stupid arms were the reason i was here. I Hated that I, my own self, my own stupid uncontrollable emotions were the reason I was here. I kept up a string of swear words going in my head until the noise of someone outside my door caught my attention. The door opened and a guard shoved another girl inside. She stumbled inside and whipped around to swear at the man. The door shut and she growled, and turned around and faced me. I was shocked to see who was in My room now. "Bree!" I exclaimed, jumping up and going over to hug her. Her eyes were wide with shock when I hugged her. "H-hunter? why are you here?" she whispered as we went over to my bed and sat down. I calmly and carefully pulled the sleeve of my worst arm up and exposed the long deep gashes that were on it.
She gasped and sighed, laying her hand on the wounds softly. I still winced, and twitched a little when she moved to touch it. "I thought you quit" she said quietly, looking up at me. I nodded, pulling my arm away and putting the sleeves down again. "I did to, but I just can't Bree. I'm to far in now to just drop it and stop. I-" I shut up, not wanting to keep going. When I tried to explain to people, they always got weirded out and left me. I couldn't shove her away now. Bree was my best friend since we were little. I could talk to her about almost anything, but not even this. I needed her right now. Bree was my age, but she looked like a movie star compared to me. She had gorgeous long, wavy Auburn hair. Her body was that of a Model's. Perfect curves and everything!. Her face was flawless, no blemishes, freckles, or dimples. She had the deepest, most hypnotic blue eyes I have ever seen. I envied her oh so much. What I wouldn't do to be like her. I sighed, frowning as I stared at her.
She frowned, touching my shoulder lightly. "Hunter? What? You can tell me." I shook my head, pulling my knees up again and lightly wrapping my arms around them. "No Bree, I can't. Your like my sister, but I can't even tell you. She went to protest by stopped, seeing he despair in my face. She shut up and nodded. "I understand" she said and I twitched a smile.. "So, why are you in here?" I asked, my voice airy sounding. She looked at me and laughed, which kind of scared me. "Why do you think? After I tried to kill you my parents said that was it." I winced at that memory. Bree had Schizophrenia, so she heard voices in her head. They told her to do things, and sometimes she did them. It didn't used to be this bad, but awhile ago, one day they told her to Kill me, and she tried, alot. It was the scariest thing in my life. "Oh, I see" I whispered as I heard someone opening the door. Another guard, but he was holding two sets of clothes for us. They were pure white, and looked like hospital gowns that came with some pants. He threw them to us and crossed his arms.
"Take off your clothes and put those on" He ordered and we both hesitated. "Now" he growled and we both quickly changed. I glanced up while I was changing and was disgusted by his expression. He was smirking, checking us out. Bree saw it too and looked ill. We finished and folded our old clothes. He smirked, taking them and walking away again. I looked down and frowned. My arms were on full display now. Great....
After awhile, the lights shut off, signaling time for bed. I crawled in mine and just layed there, staring at the ceiling while Bree fell asleep quickly. I don't know when, but I finally drifted off to sleep.
The next morning,two guards came and told us to go down to the Food room, and escorted us down there. When we walked inside I was utterly frightened. There was ALOT of kids, and some were handcuffed and being held down and forced fed. I guessed these were the Bulimic and Anorexic ones. Some kids looked scared out of there minds, and I saw even more blank ones. "You two are table B" they told us and I took off fast as I could to the table across the room. When I was within seeing range I saw a boy sitting there shaking like crazy. I hesitated, but kept going and sat down. Bree sat on my other side and I nervously looked at the boy. "Are you okay..?" I whispered but he didn't answer me. When I looked around the whole room was staring at him, some sighing and shaking there heads, some still looking terrified. After a few minutes, we were brought our food and when I saw it, I wanted to toss my cookies. It was nasty as hell looking and smelled rotten. I heard a gagging noise and looked at Bree. She looked horrified and we both nodded and silently pushed our bowls away. We sat there silently until some guards came over to us again.
They looked at our full bowls and frowned. "Why aren't you eating?" one of them asked and I glanced up. "Not Hungry" I mumbled as quietly as possible. " I don't feel well" Bree replied with a innocent expression. They looked at us and pushed our bowls at us again. "Eat. This will be your last chance for 12 more hours" they said and I shook my head. biting my cheek to keep from gagging. "No, I swear I'm fine." I said a little louder and pushed it away again. Bree nodded and pushed it away also "Same" The sighed, talking to eachother before walking away. After a few minutes they came back and were talking to a Doctor, and gesturing towards us. My eyes grew huge and Bree smiled. They walked over to us and I tensed up, gripping the table tightly. The Doc smiled at us and made a gesture to stand up and walk over to him. Bree, rather happily might I add stood up and walked over. I on he other hand stayed put.
They watched me, waiting and Bree waved me over. I lowered my head, glaring at them with my 'Shut up and leave me alone' look. The guards walked over to me and poked me up with two scary looking guns. I jerked up and walked over by Bree, eyes wide. The Doc smiled again and pulled us away from other kids who were watching us intently. Once far away enough he turned and said quietly. "So, why are you two not eating?" he asked calmly. "I just don't feel well" Bree said again. "Not hungry" I said lowly, holding back my irritated voice. he frowned and gestured to the guards. "You two should come with me" he said to us and I clenched my fist while Bree was grinning "Okay!" she chirped and started following. I stayed back and followed slowly before I felt another tip of a gun pushing me forward. I sped up and walked beside Bree now, a string of swear words in my head.
We were lead into his office where there was your typical desk, nice office chair, and two hard, uncomfortable chairs across the desk. He sat down in the nice chair and waited for us to sit. Bree of course, was first to sit, where as I stood standing behind the empty chair. I glanced around the room, seeing all the degrees and diplomas he had earned. I scowled, not believing a single one of them. I glanced down, seeing the name plate on his desk. 'Dr. Jackson Sims'. Hm, interesting name.... He looked up at me and smiled, gesturing towards the chair. "Please, do sit down Hunter" I hesitated, but lowered myself into the chair. As I sat, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, not liking being in here. Dr. Sims looked at us and smiled. "So, why are you two here?" Bree was again, more then willing to be first to speak. She tapped the side of her head and smiled "I hear voices" her voice was happy and giddy even. "Ah, I see, and how about you Hunter?" I pursed my lips, my hands folded in my lap casually.
I was NOT telling this guy my 'issues'. Bree rolled her eyes, making an impatient noise as she grabbed my right arm and exposed the scars, and recent slashes. I growled under my breath, jerking my arm away from her and hiding it again. Dr. Sims frowned, seeing my reaction. “Perhaps I will just speak with Bree for now. Hunter, you can go back to you room. I will come and speak with you later.” Oh thank God... I couldn't stand being in this room any freaking longer! I stood up hastily and opened the door where of course, those darned guards were waiting. They escorted me back to my room where I ran to my bed and cried for a long time