punishing others or what?

[blah_x]

Okay, so its been 3 weeks today since i last SH but im finding that i am increasingly loosing it at my friend, just one in particular.
sometimes, fair enough she winds me up for the craic like... and i know that she is only joking but she just makes me so mad.
one time in business class she got me so angry i hit her across the head with my hardback copy in front of everyone. even though i know it is unacceptable to physically hurt people i cant stop myself. its not in a bully kind of way, well i dont know maybe it is?
Ahhhh im soo confused.
im wondering is it that we are drifiting apart and our friendship is fizzeling out or is it to do with my lack of SH?

i hate being like this its makes me feel 10 times worse, and i know im not far from relapsing with this added issue.

sorry for quite a lot of shit, but just wondering if anyone been through the same thing, or have any answers. its just really getting me down, and dont know what to do.

[Fact]

Yes, I'm going through the exact same thing right now, minus the self harm.

It started off with petty comments every now and then from my 'best friend'. That I can handle, I'd just go home at night and wonder why she said it for a bit.
Then it turned into more malicious comments... Well that got me really thinking. I'd opened up to her about my true self. I'm an extremely sensitive person - no one else sees that because I've always got on the 'tough' and 'doesn't give a shit' facade.
Personal attacks on things I said/did like "no one is listening to you" and just simple things like "I don't actually care". It was always her tone of voice.

I used to be quite a violent child between like 8-12. Now it stays inside and festers - it feeds on my memories. I can't do anything to stop it - when I tell myself to stop it, I think "why should I? I have no reason to, I'm angry".

So, on that topic, that's what she could be doing. Of course I haven't seen how she is around you, so it might not feel like that to you. In which case I'm sorry for venting on your thread about something totally non relevant xD

Whether she's becoming a bitch or not, it's not totally relevant to your self harming I don't think. Hormones can also play a factor in what you feel towards people, so if it IS your lack of self harming and your emotions are building up - that twinned with hormones could easily make you more irritable.

Bottom line though - if you give up now, you've wasted your hard work in resisting.
Things will get better, eventually, one way or another.

Hope this helps :]
Try to keep positive about things ^^

[whereismymind]

I understand how you feel its like you want to lash out. I get my entire year annoying me though and its not good. Also my so called friend has been a complete arse to me and keeps on annoying me. Just hit the table if you feel like your going to hit something.

[blah_x]

Symone
Thank God someone understands where i am coming from. xD Although it is pretty much me, she dosen't really do things in a nasty way, just playful really. I'm the one that takes it too far. :S But on the subject of friends, i have another who has made a few nasty comments about my scars and cuts before, yet i never seem to lose it at her,even though she deserves it. :/
dont be sorry, its so reassuring to hear other peoples stories, make yu feel more sane :D
I'm supposed to take anti-depressants to calm me down, blah blah, because due to my situation at home im in this current mess, iv'e always been out of control at home, but never, until now has it interfered with my friends/outside home life.
But anyway, thanks for your input... much appreciated :) If i can ever return the favour, im all ears.

Liam
Thanks, good to know there are others out there :)
why does your whole year annoy you.?
i can understand you there as i had to stay back at school this year, nd am now in a year with comeplete immature twats... but we soldier on :D

[HeroesAndCons]

well i dont hurt them i just get angry and bitch at them