Feel horrible :/

[Fiction]

I've eaten so much since Sunday, like actually ridiculous amounts. I've put on a bit of weight, i hope it's temporary. I feel so horrible. Not fat just... idk i don't like weighing more :S I really want to get rid of this feeling but idk how other than to make myself skinnier... but then that doesn't stop and i only feel like this again :/ I'm so confused.

[georgiamay]

but then that doesn't stop and i only feel like this again :/

You've basically said what I was going to say. If you do stop eating because of this, then everytime you eat you'll just feel like this again. There isn't any point.

You might feel horrible now, but there's no need to. People eat a lot sometimes, and I'm sure you've haven't eaten as much as I have this half term. It's normal, and you're young. You've said yourself in previous threads that you're not fat, so there's no need to feel horrible if there's nothing wrong with you, which there isn't.

I know it's hard, but you need to tell yourself that you don't need to think about your weight. You're healthy, and there's no need to ruin that, but you don't need me to tell you that it isn't healthy.

hun, you know I'm always here for you don't you? Because I am :)

:hug3:

[Fiction]

I just wanna be really skinny but yeah it is just a cycle :S
Thanks Georgia and yeah i know :) :hug:

[georgiamay]

But you're strong enough to break the cycle. You've given advice to loads of people about how to do it, so I know that you know how to. It might be hard, but I know you can do it.

You're stronger than you think, and you can break the cycle. No one needs to be really skinny, it's not healthy to be really skinny, but again, you don't need me to tell you that.

[welcome_to_chaos]

...same here....ive gained 6 lbs in the past week and a half

[Fiction]

Thanks georgia. And Ray if your gainign weight that quickly you must have been fine before :)

[Fact]

Precisely what you just say to Ray applies to yourself sweet.
If you feel you're gaining weight already, then your body must have been crying out for food before (which it was, as you know I'm always grabbing your hip bones :/).
Take Georgia's advice :]
Ich liebe dich meine Tochter ♥

[Fiction]

I know but i really don't wanna gain weight. I'm only going to go back to it again. I actually hate myself :S It's always what everything comes back to, hating myself :/

[Fact]

Then you need to start loving yourself! ^^
You know you're amazing deep down <3

[Fiction]

It goes away sometimes but ALWAYS comes back. just when i think i'm over something it always comes back and i have no reason to be like this :/ I hate that about myself.

[georgiamay]

Maybe if you stopped weighing yourself, and you don't know whether you've gained weight, you won't feel the need to lose any either. If you looked in the mirror, you would know that you aren't fat, or overweight in anyway, you are a very comfortable size.

Weight is just a number. It doesn't mean anything. If you stop getting on the scales to see how much weight you've lost and gained, then maybe you'd see that you don't need to lose or gain weight.

You know that you're not fat, so why add a number onto that?

And what is there about you to hate? you're kind, caring, pretty. I know that I'm one to talk here, but try and focus on the positives! You have so many good qualities, and if you let self hatred over shadow them, they'll go to waste, and it wouldn't only be you that suffers a loss there.

Love yourself, you owe yourself that much. :heart:

[Fact]

Perfect analogy Georgia, you're amazing with words :D
Kathy, take note! ♥

[Fiction]

Thanks Georgia but you know it's hard. And i can feel it when i put on weight. And that's what i hate. it's the feeling of getting bigger :/

[georgiamay]

Yes Kathy, I know it's hard.

But I know how strong you are, and I know that if you tried, you'd get through this. Someone your age shouldn't be worrying about their size anyway (I know I've had my moments, but that's hardly the point :P). So what if you put on a few pounds here and there? a few pounds doesn't show at all most of the time.

No one would notice if you put on 2 pounds, and it would probably get burnt off when you do a bit of exercise. As long as you don't over eat and you exercise an average amount, youll be fine. There's no reason to get skinnier. Skinny people are actualyy rather unattractive when it reaches the extreme.

[Fiction]

Thing is i know it doesn't even look nice when i'm too skinny but i still love it :/ I'm pretty confused :/

[Triceratops]

This horrible cycle is the story of my life.
I don't know if this is the case for you, but the whole restricting, binging and purging cycle hasn't stopped going for me since I was about 12 - and I'm 17 next month now. I can relate to you so much. It's even more hard because I've been trying my best not to purge, and I haven't done it in a while, but I just don't want to start again. :/

Now it's just restrict then BINGE BINGE BINGE for me.
I don't think I'll ever have a normal relationship with food. FML.

Anyways, I know it's awful when you know you're bigger than what you were before - regardless of the fact that it's probably just a pound or two, and no one else would even notice it anyway. To you personally, it probably feels like an extra 10 lbs. One day I feel good and think "Hey I look kind of nice in my jeans today :)!" then tomorrow it's "HOLY FUCK I'M AN ENORMOUS COW." This is all because I've eaten like 300 calories more than I should have, but I can just FEEL those calories making me balloon out...if that makes any sense? The amount of times I've told myself that I'm going to drop 30 lbs by next year is ridiculous; I know I won't be able to do it, but I'm still idiotic enough to try and go through with it. My disorder wants me to be sickeningly thin, like a cry for help I suppose (just like self-harming was). Deep down, I don't think I really do want to be underweight. I just want power and control over weight and food for once.

I'm sorry about this stupid rambling and slightly off-topic post, but I seriously know where you're coming from because I go through it too. It SUCKS and we will beat it. :( <3

[Fiction]

it's not a stupid rambling. That's actually the most understanding reply to any of my posts i've had, or most understanding thing i've ever heard anyone say really :)
I know what you mean about feeling those extra claories making you baloon out, i get it all the time and it really does feel horrible.. even though you know it is really your imagination. I know what you mean about the cry for help aswell, it's not that i want to be skinny, not at all i just like the control over my weight and i love feeling it drop :/
Good luck with your not purging :)