Collapsing under the weight of friends

[~Cookie~]

I don't know what to do anymore.I've always been the person my friends go to for help.But now Im starting to feel the pressure.My depression is getting worse and Im trying not to cut.But I feel like Im collapsing.Im eating more,I sleep all the time,Im irritated at my parents,and I have to force myself to get up every morning.Im glad that my friends trust me and everything but I don't know how much longer I can walk around acting like Im fine and dandy.People at school talk about me and act like I can't hear.Usually it doesn't bother me but latley it has.I don't know what to do anymore...:confused:

[Sapphire]

The writing in a journal thing is a good way of ordering thoughts. FOr some people its a way of getting things/emotions out of thier system.

But, it is clear that you need someone to off-load to. Your friends have you. But who do you have? I suppose I'm trying to get at the same thing as NeverLetGo. Its great that you help your friends, but if you lack someone to help you then are you going to be able to cope?

[~Cookie~]

It takes alot for me to open up to someone.I have major trust issues and I don't like people feeling sorry for me or looking down on me for what I feel.The last time I told someone what I was feeling I ended up in the hospital for 3 1/2 weeks.They almost made me stay for 6 months but I lied my ass off to get out of there.((Stupid as it may seem it was the right thing.Just being in there made everything worse.I barley cut when I went in and when I came out it cut atleast once a day and deeply)).There are afew people I've tryed talking to but they just get angry cause they don't understand how it feels to feel...so low?I don't know how to put it.At this point I feel like I just wanna walk threw school with my music turned up so I don't have to listen to anybody,Eather that or I wanna stay home and never leave my bed.I know neather of those are the answer but thats what I want to do.At the same time I know I can't because my friends depend on me.The fact that Im eating more doesn't help matters any.The sleeping thing Im fine with I don't have anything better to do anyways.But being over weight as it is.The fact that Im eating more only makes me more depressed.I've tryed to stop but I can't.I havent cut in awile and now it feels like everything is building up on me.I have no relise anymore and one of these days Im gonna snap.Wether it be on myself or someone else I don't know.

[Hyper]

As every day I wake I think to myself, it has always been like this... And it will continue to be like this. It never ends. It never stops, it only grows and strenghens within my weakness..


Why are you even depressed? Sry if you did say and I didnt notice but yes why..? Be gratefull for what you have, that you have atleast friends.. The one thing that kills me the most inside is that I dont have any friends besides 1 who lives 100 miles away from me.. I dont have the comfort of listening to music at school because I cant afford to buy a player.. And dont resort to cutting... That is simply what the weak do, it is like surrendering to it all letting it consume you.. And you havent tryed enough anything can be accomplished if tryed enough losing weight is nothing. And if you learn that the only thing that can stop you from doing something to yourself is you will be able to do anything you want to yourself.

[Sapphire]

I am sorry that I won't be able to give you any answers, as I am struggling with the battle between staying in bed all day and just drowning everyone out with my music too. But, if you ever want to chat about anything. Beit your depression, cutting or something random like butterflies you can pm me or chat on msn if you like. x
[email protected]

[~Cookie~]

Thats the thing...I don't know whats making me depressed.Im Bi-Polar so my guess is thats what it is.But I don't know anymore

[JunkBondTrader]

It really good of you to support your friends. When they're down you'd pick them up and I'm sure they'd do the same for you. Think of someone who you really trust and try to talk to them about this. I'm sure they'll understand.

[mojane_jesus_gcfreak]

Hey completly know how you feel.my friends always come to me for help;I walk around school like i'm all happy-happy;I've been eating too much;I can barly get up in the morning.And i can't stand it anymore.Just saying your not the only.It's almost like i'm not the morgan that i once was.It's like she got up and left.