How can i be so stupid?

[Mattyboy2]

I was offered to be paid for sex today from a 22yr old.....i took it.

What am i doing? All i did afterwards is cry, then cut, then cry. Nothing took the pain away.
£45 and i'm reduced to a fucking whore, why? I don't even need the damn money it's not like i'm homeless...just fucking disgusting!

I know people will say "get checked out" but i don't want to. I don't want to remember. I want to get it out here, to write it down. And to never think of it again.
I'm going to use the money to buy myself something. Something nice. But something i can easily get rid of, cleansing myself.

To anyone who has thought about it or does do it....stop it. It's not worth it. No matter what situation you're in.
Just stop.

[Musicality]

I made the exact same mistake. After spending pretty much a year torturing myself over it, I've come to the following conclusion:

I did it for self-gratification. The thought that somebody wanted me bad enough to pay for me made me feel pretty good about myself, to be honest. On top of that, I'm a teenager... We're all on a sexual rampage.

If you're smarter than me, you won't do it again. But for me, the thrill was too exciting to ignore. I did it more than I'd have liked to, and after an STD scare, I knew it was time to stop. Now that I've stopped, I feel pretty stupid, but I know it's in the past.

And the past is over with. Nothing I can do about it.

And don't cut yourself over this. Cutting is something we do to show that we can control our pain but it's unhealthy.