DreamSeeker
October 18th, 2010, 05:04 PM
[Sorry if this is in the wrong place]
I have just about had enough, I really can't cope ... I don't want to annoy anyone but here are the main of my problems just to get them off my chest and see if anyone can help.
1. The insults around school, like I get called "Gay" a lot, I have nothing against Gay's or anything like that. But when people keep calling me it because I'm not the typical boy as I hate all the shooter video calls, I hate football and other sports, and I get on with some girls more than boys.
Also I keep getting repeatedly the insults like "You have no penis"/"You've got no dick" or "You have no balls" constantly brought up, with stuff like they can hit me down there and it does not hurt me, or once when I was sitting on a pole on a ramp and they grabbed and pulled me and it did not hurt even though it was right between my legs. Even though it just does not hurt, I'm pretty sure I'm normal down there :/
2. Just the plain insults everyday or abuse or what not, getting called names for not doing what someone asks me to do or something. Like we have an interactive whiteboard and projector in our form room at school we can use at lunch and usually have videos and everything on... But today everyone decided to be in there and kept messing about. So I took the remote and paused it till they calmed down... But then one of the boys who hates me comes and grabs me, and nearly strange me with his hand right round my throat (and I could not breathe) just to get the remote, yet this did not happen to any one else.
3. People treating me like friends but not, like one day someone is my friend and are really nice but the nice minute or day, they completely change and keep telling me to "piss off" and all that lot. Or they say something like "You can borrow this", then make up stories constantly to say I can't. Like I helped someone who I thought was my friend with his Computer and iPod, then he goes and acts like he's not my friend again :/
4. The constant love problems, I really want a girlfriend who I can talk to and just have to cheer me up. But very hard... As you may have saw in one of my other threads there was a new girl that I liked, but that has ended up like every other girl in school. Likely hates me (walks past and hits me, makes fun of me with the others that hate me) etc. So that's out of the choice...
And my Ex which I still love (Which is very hard to get over), I'm having arguments everyday which I wish I could stop :'( I get that upset and hide it that we argue every-single day even though I want to be friends. Like she talks to me (When I thought she hated me) and I look at her and it was apparently a dirty look, but then it seems okay. But the next minute it's back to the start as she'll say something,or I will and an argument will start again. Even worse that Halloween (October 31st) would have been 1 year if we would have still been dating, and I really don't think I can bear it.
And even her friend had a go at me, joining in the argument and I'm not even friends with her. And they want me to apologize but they won't, which is unfair since I don't want to when it's not all my fault. But when it's discussed it always end up on me, saying It's my fault for everything.
5. The worst thing about it is, I'm starting to think it's affecting my school work :( Since I am really good at IT, and fairly good at Maths and German (In the top sets). But now I am really struggling.
Like in IT, I'm the top of the class... But it comes to just highlighting stuff on a spreadsheet (Which I found hard as you had to get the pattern right). And I keep messing up, and everyone else got it. Then I got everyone laughing at me that I was messing up, and I did not want to ask the teacher for help. Because then I would get laughed at even more...
Same with German and French, I can't seem to remember anything when I used to be pretty good. Even maths, been in the Top set for 3 years and I found it easy... But now I find it hard and keep getting stuck, and if I move down I'll just get laughed at more... But I could understand it but I have too much on my mind.
6. This may be part of it, but I have no self-confidence at all... I can't perform in front of a class with out getting very scared, I hate being asked to go into other rooms for teachers or whatnot. Cause I always get someone laughing or something.
And I always feel someone will say something about me, laugh at me or what not. Like when I try and join in with sports (Even though I hate it). I'll get loads of insults when I miss the hoop (Basketball) and all that. And I don't even go out for walks or nothing due to this..
And I feel everyone hates me, which most people do... Most people hate me, but the others they are my friend one minute but not the next. So I have NO PROPER FRIENDS at all, so no one to talk to that I could trust. Even if I did, it would end up getting spread round school and making it worse.
I just really don't know what to do, I am seeing a counsellor but that's not until next Wednesday :/ I would go and try and see the school counsellor but I also get scared that people see me going there and you get all the questions (I get really paranoid and am not self-confident at all). And the fact that he is rather busy. And I would talk to my form tutor but I feel she hates me or would say something, as I sometimes insult people or mess around to try and get it all out of my head, or join the joke or what not. And when she shouts at me I get more persuaded not to go to her...
I am just really stuck... I am going to have a breakdown again :/ (So sorry for the long post :'( )
I have just about had enough, I really can't cope ... I don't want to annoy anyone but here are the main of my problems just to get them off my chest and see if anyone can help.
1. The insults around school, like I get called "Gay" a lot, I have nothing against Gay's or anything like that. But when people keep calling me it because I'm not the typical boy as I hate all the shooter video calls, I hate football and other sports, and I get on with some girls more than boys.
Also I keep getting repeatedly the insults like "You have no penis"/"You've got no dick" or "You have no balls" constantly brought up, with stuff like they can hit me down there and it does not hurt me, or once when I was sitting on a pole on a ramp and they grabbed and pulled me and it did not hurt even though it was right between my legs. Even though it just does not hurt, I'm pretty sure I'm normal down there :/
2. Just the plain insults everyday or abuse or what not, getting called names for not doing what someone asks me to do or something. Like we have an interactive whiteboard and projector in our form room at school we can use at lunch and usually have videos and everything on... But today everyone decided to be in there and kept messing about. So I took the remote and paused it till they calmed down... But then one of the boys who hates me comes and grabs me, and nearly strange me with his hand right round my throat (and I could not breathe) just to get the remote, yet this did not happen to any one else.
3. People treating me like friends but not, like one day someone is my friend and are really nice but the nice minute or day, they completely change and keep telling me to "piss off" and all that lot. Or they say something like "You can borrow this", then make up stories constantly to say I can't. Like I helped someone who I thought was my friend with his Computer and iPod, then he goes and acts like he's not my friend again :/
4. The constant love problems, I really want a girlfriend who I can talk to and just have to cheer me up. But very hard... As you may have saw in one of my other threads there was a new girl that I liked, but that has ended up like every other girl in school. Likely hates me (walks past and hits me, makes fun of me with the others that hate me) etc. So that's out of the choice...
And my Ex which I still love (Which is very hard to get over), I'm having arguments everyday which I wish I could stop :'( I get that upset and hide it that we argue every-single day even though I want to be friends. Like she talks to me (When I thought she hated me) and I look at her and it was apparently a dirty look, but then it seems okay. But the next minute it's back to the start as she'll say something,or I will and an argument will start again. Even worse that Halloween (October 31st) would have been 1 year if we would have still been dating, and I really don't think I can bear it.
And even her friend had a go at me, joining in the argument and I'm not even friends with her. And they want me to apologize but they won't, which is unfair since I don't want to when it's not all my fault. But when it's discussed it always end up on me, saying It's my fault for everything.
5. The worst thing about it is, I'm starting to think it's affecting my school work :( Since I am really good at IT, and fairly good at Maths and German (In the top sets). But now I am really struggling.
Like in IT, I'm the top of the class... But it comes to just highlighting stuff on a spreadsheet (Which I found hard as you had to get the pattern right). And I keep messing up, and everyone else got it. Then I got everyone laughing at me that I was messing up, and I did not want to ask the teacher for help. Because then I would get laughed at even more...
Same with German and French, I can't seem to remember anything when I used to be pretty good. Even maths, been in the Top set for 3 years and I found it easy... But now I find it hard and keep getting stuck, and if I move down I'll just get laughed at more... But I could understand it but I have too much on my mind.
6. This may be part of it, but I have no self-confidence at all... I can't perform in front of a class with out getting very scared, I hate being asked to go into other rooms for teachers or whatnot. Cause I always get someone laughing or something.
And I always feel someone will say something about me, laugh at me or what not. Like when I try and join in with sports (Even though I hate it). I'll get loads of insults when I miss the hoop (Basketball) and all that. And I don't even go out for walks or nothing due to this..
And I feel everyone hates me, which most people do... Most people hate me, but the others they are my friend one minute but not the next. So I have NO PROPER FRIENDS at all, so no one to talk to that I could trust. Even if I did, it would end up getting spread round school and making it worse.
I just really don't know what to do, I am seeing a counsellor but that's not until next Wednesday :/ I would go and try and see the school counsellor but I also get scared that people see me going there and you get all the questions (I get really paranoid and am not self-confident at all). And the fact that he is rather busy. And I would talk to my form tutor but I feel she hates me or would say something, as I sometimes insult people or mess around to try and get it all out of my head, or join the joke or what not. And when she shouts at me I get more persuaded not to go to her...
I am just really stuck... I am going to have a breakdown again :/ (So sorry for the long post :'( )