fail FAil FAIL

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Probably there is a new thread like this every few days, so unless you are really bored avoid my stupid sayings.

Well, i jsut think that i need to let it out...
My reason for being sad\depressed is just my perfectionism. as Nirvana said in "smells like teen" - "I'm worse in what i do best". for example:
-i have a musical talent, and i know i do, but not enough of it. I say that i'm a failure and people tell me no your not. even though i know they are right, it just doesn't feel like it. Mostly, because i know people more tallented than me, and because i keep aspiring, but never reaching, and never being able to reach my dreams.
I have pretty good grades but i feel like i'm dissapointing my parents (which i know isn't true, but it doesn't help) and it's just not enough. :yuck:
Always somewhere between the ability and the perfection i start thinking that there is no hope for me to succed, because i just don't have "my thing". i'm not good enough at anything.
The even bigger problem is that this feeling stays long after that thought, and just darkens everything around me. aspiring for so much just makes me give up. i give up on so much, on even trying.
The worst part in this is that i KNOW that i'm doing well, but it just doesn't help what i feel.
This clings for the rest of the time like smoke to clothes, and it made me wish so much times that i would just die... i was close so many times to suicide and those "don't suicide" pages on the internet don't really help.
I'm just failing, falling and i never stop.
Sorry for writing such a long post... i have nowhere to complain :whoops:
(guess i just pull up my smile mask again)

[hybrid]

He~lo.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I hope that you're doing fine at this moment.

Back in October of last year I was in one of the worst mental states of my life. I thought I wasn't good enough, self-esteem issues not only with my looks. And various other things that made my state even worse.

I love music as well, I play cello and this is my fifth year, I love to play but even now I think I'm not up to par. It just seems that every note I play is either flat or sharp or just not right, you know? Even when my teacher is saying, "C'mon ___ you're doing great!"
It just sometimes feels like I'm doing awful and he's lying to me, even when I know I'm not.
Even in my home life, I strive and struggle with my depression and hope every time my guardian comes home that I can at least put on a smile and ask, "How was your day?" Even that doesn't seem like enough, it never does.
So believe me when I say you're definitely not alone out there. Everyone has a lot of issues that they need to work through and you can't always perfect things.

There are tons of people you could talk to on here about this sort of stuff don't hesitate to ask!

[idk girl]

i know how you feel. i can't offer really any advice sorry :( but i can tell you that you're not alone in the way you feel.

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Thanks guys :)

[Azunite]

Yeah we are in same situation Aidan ;
I have a great talent for music, I used to play piano but now I am not playing for a year and I want to start but I just can't !
And here, grades value from 1-100 ( like A-F ) and I always get above 75-80, which is very good but I always think " I think my dad's a little sad about it " and that stuff.
And girls! Heh, if you look at relatioships forum you will mostly see my threads.
I just fail ! Things go quite well, then I "break" something and the whole conversation becomes a minus !
I lose motivation quite frequently, and my dad's " come on, you are my son! you can do everything" words sometimes saddens me because I know I will fail and disappoint him..

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thanks for answering :)

[the8bitter]

I kind of know that feeling, but I suffer more from an inferiortory complex than depression. My best friend is smarter than me in every way, plus there are girls who actually like him. I'm pretty much his inferior, and even though I explained that to him he's just like "Don't think that way!" and crap. Usually though, the inferiortory complex has lead me through lapses of depression. I got incredibly depressed when he told me this girl I'm in love with kissed him once. Plus, I used to get depressed over having a B instead of an A in certain classes. Nowadays, I don't even care if I get a C or even a D in my classes. My perfectionism eventually burned out, and it's allowed me to be a happier person because of it. I'm not saying you'll come to the point of not caring if you're not perfect, but if you do (and maybe you should try to) you might feel alot better.

[the8bitter]

Quite frankly, I am never going to go anywhere in life myself. About all I have to my name are excellent classic (NES, SNES, Gameboy) gaming skills. Plus I'm knowledgeable enough when it comes to video game collecting. When I was a little kid, a lot of girls wanted to come to my house just because they heard I had like every system at the time. :p