I miss the old times...

[Lights]

I've come to a time in my life... where I just need to get this all out.
I feel as if life is just becoming empty. I think about something good, and then I think, "Oh, well what's it all worth in the end"? I get depressed and stroppy so easily.

I'm pining for my old friends at the moment... my old best friends. It's been 7-8 months since everything went wrong with my 4 best friends. It's not necessary for me to delve too far in as to why we're not friends, but basically, I took them for granted; kind of. It seemed to boil down to picking one side over the other, and I was just unlucky enough to lose all 4 of my best friends.

Friend 1 and I fell out back in March - just from being together too much during a school production.

Friend 2 who I miss the most, left me to go with friend 1.

Friend 3 who was my so called male 'best friend' left me after I found texts on his phone about me and my family which I didn't like.

Friend 4 left me because friend 3 did.

I never thought it would all go as far as this. I feel like the people I'm friends with now will never amount to what they did. I don't speak my secrets out any more, I just bottle them up. I came to a point today where my eyes were watering and I wanted to scream. This was during a lesson with rowdy students who made the lesson a nightmare.
These 4 friends happen to be all really close friends now even though they weren't so much before. It's like a secret club that I'm not allowed into. I have friends, but not the ones who know me best or understand me best.

I feel like despairing because it's been so long since I've had a good chat. I'm a guy who's like that. Not so much sporty, but likes to chat and gossip a bit. These people understood me best, but it feels like they've totally lost sight in who I am. I only really want 1 of them back, and that's Friend 2. Friend 3's the only one I don't care about. Friend 4 would be nice to have back... -confused-

_________

Aside from that, I'm worried because I don't know if I'll ever find a guy to be with. I search through threads on this forum and I haven't seen a mature thread yet about a guy looking to find another guy. No, I'm really not looking for an online relationship - I just want to know that I'm going to find a guy who's right for me. A guy who's not the stereotypical guy with the gay voice and hand flicks. Just someone genuine who just happens to like guys over girls.

I can't see a future for myself at the moment. Everything's just so down in the dumps. Support and advice would be greatly welcomed.

[closed]

It seems that you have been through alot...
It is hard to lose friends, but are you sure that you deserved such friends? friends who will leave you or write cruel txts behind your back? I hope that at least this hope consults you.
there will allways be light at the end of the tunnel, and usually you see it once you open your eyes.
you sound like a nice guy, and i'm sure you will find friends, even though it seems hard to impossible right now.
about the relationship you want to have, it is completely understandable. My own dream is to have this perfect long term relationship...
-1 out of ten people (at avarage) is homosexual, so obviously you will find someone.
you are only at school now, so i'm sure you will find someone, in some bar or by the internet, or maybe just by accident ;) (even though you can't think that happinnes will fall on you from the sky)...
i hope this is some relief to you... if you ever need some to talk to, or just spill it all out like here then feel free to contact me! (also if it's things you can't tell other people, you can count on me- 1, i won't tell anyway, 2, i live in damn israel, it's so far from you and it's such a pin in the *** of the world so you are safe with me)

[Fiction]

I've lost friends before and I know that it hurts alot but you just need to realise that they left you. They obviously weren't good and loyal friends to begin with. There are so many people put there that i'm sure you'll find good friends in the future and the relationship your looking for :)