Captor K
October 15th, 2010, 01:06 AM
I'm already openly gay in college, so this thread is not really addressing that.
I came out to my family on October 11, at 2:00, particularly because it was National Coming Out Day and I long since planned to come out to the fam on said date. I won't bullshit any of you reading this - it was the most difficult, but necessary thing I have ever had to do. I do not, however, regret doing it. I told the five "most important" family members (because I am not concerned with the rest): my mom, my sister, my brother, and two cousins. Since my dad passed away years ago, I obviously didn't need to say anything to him. Given that I live on campus and had stuff to take care of that day, I called them all one by one (and that didn't really make the whole process too much easier to be honest).
I started with my mother, and as expected, she had a cow and three sheep. My introductory line went pretty much like this: "I love you very much, but there is something you should know. I'm gay." Right after those words, I silently fist-pumped the air; I'd said those damn words. My mom demanded to know "who did this to [me]"? and a bunch of other stuff. She tried to trap me with the religious argument, but I, having prepared myself by Scripture studying for over eight weeks, shot down those arguments. She tried to try the "it's not natural" comment, which I told her that homosexuality exists in 1500 species, and because it occurs in nature, it is very natural. I explained to her how hellish it was to have to hide being gay. She begged for me to reconsider, and as much as I love my mom dearly, I told her no, and that there was no way I was ever going back into the closet. She went into denial and said "I can't accept this," which honestly didn't faze me at all.
Not five minutes after I finished up with my mom, my sister rings me up from her job. My mom had called her crying, telling my sister to call me. My sister was worried that something bad had happened to me, and was all, "What's going on??" I told her I was gay, and she was kinda "meh" about it. We talked and laughed for a bit, and she told me that being gay made no difference to her, as I was still her little brother, and she loved me, and hat she would, "fuck up anybody who fucks with you." It went well with her.
I call my brother right after that, expecting him to take it horribly as my mother. I was genuinely surprised because he was very calm about it. "You have to do what makes you happy. You're a man now," he told me. "We love you and support you." Then he gives me this pep talk for a while, and says, "I kinda hope this is a phase." I told him no phase lasts for thirteen years (I've known since 6), and he agreed. More pep talk, and we hang up.
For the next couple of hours, I was surrounded by a network of friends hugging me and giving me support and telling me how proud they were that I'd come out to my family. Some said my mom would come around, and I agreed. I felt proud to a point, but mostly, I was just drained. That intense hour and a half of talking to just those three people had already taken most of my energy. I tried to eat dinner, and while I had a strong appetite, I pretty much force-fed myself, like I'd done for most of that day and the day before.
While I got dressed for work, one of my cousins call, and I just flat out say, "I'm gay." By this point, I'd dropped the "I love you very much" part. She took it really well, saying stuff like, "It's just who you are. You can't change that. It'll be okay." As I'm talking to her, one of my guy friends come in, so I wrap up the convo with her, and let him pep talk me for the next forty minutes before I go to work.
I call one of my best friends at work to fill him in. After some time, my other cousin calls, and I tell her that I'm gay. She, like her sister, takes it fine, and gives me the fired up speech about how I shouldn't apologize for being gay, and that I need to do what the hell makes me happy and all that jazz. I talk to her for a while, and then I call my other best friend, who spends the rest of my work night cheering me up by cracking jokes.
So, I expected everyone I told to take the news horribly, but I was pleasantly surprised. Only my mom did, so the process went much better than I had anticipated. You never know what to expect in this situation. I told them all we're getting together this weekend to discuss this as a family, and they all agreed to be there. I now consider myself to be completely openly gay, and I am very grateful that I do not have to hide this from my family anymore. Even if they had taken it badly, I had already resigned to not backing down.
*I talked to my mom for the first time a few hours ago since Monday. I can see she's trying to deal with it, but she wants me to be quiet about it. She told me, "You don't have to broadcast it," because I told her on Monday that it was no secret on campus. When she said that, I laughed and reminded her that being open and out of the closet meant not hiding it, and that once again, I was not going back into the closet. I know she's dealing, so I'm being patient.
Just thought I'd share my story. Thank goodness that's over with.
TL;DR: I came out to family; mommy took it badly, everybody else was cool.
I came out to my family on October 11, at 2:00, particularly because it was National Coming Out Day and I long since planned to come out to the fam on said date. I won't bullshit any of you reading this - it was the most difficult, but necessary thing I have ever had to do. I do not, however, regret doing it. I told the five "most important" family members (because I am not concerned with the rest): my mom, my sister, my brother, and two cousins. Since my dad passed away years ago, I obviously didn't need to say anything to him. Given that I live on campus and had stuff to take care of that day, I called them all one by one (and that didn't really make the whole process too much easier to be honest).
I started with my mother, and as expected, she had a cow and three sheep. My introductory line went pretty much like this: "I love you very much, but there is something you should know. I'm gay." Right after those words, I silently fist-pumped the air; I'd said those damn words. My mom demanded to know "who did this to [me]"? and a bunch of other stuff. She tried to trap me with the religious argument, but I, having prepared myself by Scripture studying for over eight weeks, shot down those arguments. She tried to try the "it's not natural" comment, which I told her that homosexuality exists in 1500 species, and because it occurs in nature, it is very natural. I explained to her how hellish it was to have to hide being gay. She begged for me to reconsider, and as much as I love my mom dearly, I told her no, and that there was no way I was ever going back into the closet. She went into denial and said "I can't accept this," which honestly didn't faze me at all.
Not five minutes after I finished up with my mom, my sister rings me up from her job. My mom had called her crying, telling my sister to call me. My sister was worried that something bad had happened to me, and was all, "What's going on??" I told her I was gay, and she was kinda "meh" about it. We talked and laughed for a bit, and she told me that being gay made no difference to her, as I was still her little brother, and she loved me, and hat she would, "fuck up anybody who fucks with you." It went well with her.
I call my brother right after that, expecting him to take it horribly as my mother. I was genuinely surprised because he was very calm about it. "You have to do what makes you happy. You're a man now," he told me. "We love you and support you." Then he gives me this pep talk for a while, and says, "I kinda hope this is a phase." I told him no phase lasts for thirteen years (I've known since 6), and he agreed. More pep talk, and we hang up.
For the next couple of hours, I was surrounded by a network of friends hugging me and giving me support and telling me how proud they were that I'd come out to my family. Some said my mom would come around, and I agreed. I felt proud to a point, but mostly, I was just drained. That intense hour and a half of talking to just those three people had already taken most of my energy. I tried to eat dinner, and while I had a strong appetite, I pretty much force-fed myself, like I'd done for most of that day and the day before.
While I got dressed for work, one of my cousins call, and I just flat out say, "I'm gay." By this point, I'd dropped the "I love you very much" part. She took it really well, saying stuff like, "It's just who you are. You can't change that. It'll be okay." As I'm talking to her, one of my guy friends come in, so I wrap up the convo with her, and let him pep talk me for the next forty minutes before I go to work.
I call one of my best friends at work to fill him in. After some time, my other cousin calls, and I tell her that I'm gay. She, like her sister, takes it fine, and gives me the fired up speech about how I shouldn't apologize for being gay, and that I need to do what the hell makes me happy and all that jazz. I talk to her for a while, and then I call my other best friend, who spends the rest of my work night cheering me up by cracking jokes.
So, I expected everyone I told to take the news horribly, but I was pleasantly surprised. Only my mom did, so the process went much better than I had anticipated. You never know what to expect in this situation. I told them all we're getting together this weekend to discuss this as a family, and they all agreed to be there. I now consider myself to be completely openly gay, and I am very grateful that I do not have to hide this from my family anymore. Even if they had taken it badly, I had already resigned to not backing down.
*I talked to my mom for the first time a few hours ago since Monday. I can see she's trying to deal with it, but she wants me to be quiet about it. She told me, "You don't have to broadcast it," because I told her on Monday that it was no secret on campus. When she said that, I laughed and reminded her that being open and out of the closet meant not hiding it, and that once again, I was not going back into the closet. I know she's dealing, so I'm being patient.
Just thought I'd share my story. Thank goodness that's over with.
TL;DR: I came out to family; mommy took it badly, everybody else was cool.