Self Harm Addict.

[galigator8509]

I have been self injuring ever since my freshman or sophomore year in high school? Which is about four or five years ago.
And at first, I basically did it, just for the hell of it, I wasnt really depressed, or upset, I just wanted to do it, and see what it was like.
I know that may sounds stupid, but someone I knew, was doing it, and then I wanted to see what all the hype was about.
Well, afterwards, I ended up having to deal with a lot of stuff my four years of high school.
Things no one should ever really have to deal with, but unfortunately it doesnt work like that.

All of high school I cut, and I had friends that were worried about me, and a teacher that knew I did it, and cared deeply for me, along with an amazing guidance counselor.

Well, ive been out of high school for over a year, and in that time period I met an amazing guy, who makes all my worries disappear!

Cutting isnt even something I think about really, but I havent completely stopped, and the sad part is I know I should, but I have no desire at all to do so.
I love scars, and the blood, and I just love the marks on my body, they make me feel so much better, its like all my focus is taken off everything, except for the cuts I make.

I want to stop cutting, but then again I DONT.

The only reason I want to stop, is because I know what people who dont entirely understand think about it, and its an unhealthy way of coping.

When I do cut, which has been more lately, I want more more more, but its so hard to make sure no one notices, and I dont want people to find out.

I went for so long without doing it, and when I did do it, it wasnt often. Now I do it more frequently again, and its all I can think about during the day.
UGH why do I have to be ADDICTED, its such a bad ADDICTION.

[1_21Guns]

I have been self injuring ever since my freshman or sophomore year in high school? Which is about four or five years ago.
And at first, I basically did it, just for the hell of it, I wasnt really depressed, or upset, I just wanted to do it, and see what it was like.
I know that may sounds stupid, but someone I knew, was doing it, and then I wanted to see what all the hype was about.

i know a girl who did that, she thought you could just stop like that, and was later proved wrong.

Well, afterwards, I ended up having to deal with a lot of stuff my four years of high school.
Things no one should ever really have to deal with, but unfortunately it doesnt work like that.

this i'm assuming only fueled the addiction more, served a purpose for it so you didnt have to feel like you were meaninglessly hurting yourself, and that it was making something go away, when in reality it was making none of what you went through go away.

All of high school I cut, and I had friends that were worried about me, and a teacher that knew I did it, and cared deeply for me, along with an amazing guidance counselor.

if you've seeked the help before, there's no harm in getting it again, sure you probably didn't ask for it the first time around, but why not try again, and embrace it this time, just find out what life is like without it, a scary thought perhaps, but it's a step that one day you will need to take.

Well, ive been out of high school for over a year, and in that time period I met an amazing guy, who makes all my worries disappear!

i've seen love both make and break people, while you have that support, hold onto it, and use it, be be cautious not to become too attached, or one day you could end up far worse.

Cutting isnt even something I think about really, but I havent completely stopped, and the sad part is I know I should, but I have no desire at all to do so.
I love scars, and the blood, and I just love the marks on my body, they make me feel so much better, its like all my focus is taken off everything, except for the cuts I make.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again,
one day, you will wake up and realise that those scars aren't that pretty.
you may be able to wear them as battle scars, be proud that you overcame the times that caused them, but they will always be there to haunt you, and one day, you will most likely hate them.
the desire to stop generally comes from realising how much in reality its not helping you, this can take time to realise it, and holding onto the realisiation is also tricky, because everytime you believe it, you're knocked back into that same thought that it does help, because suddenly everything seems so much worse.

I want to stop cutting, but then again I DONT.

The only reason I want to stop, is because I know what people who dont entirely understand think about it, and its an unhealthy way of coping.

you have a reason to want to stop, it's a reason quite a few have, but having that reason, and trying as hard as you can with that reason could really help you out in the long run, it is a very unhealthy way of coping, it's not really a coping method at all, it just gets you hooked on a fake release.

When I do cut, which has been more lately, I want more more more, but its so hard to make sure no one notices, and I dont want people to find out.

I went for so long without doing it, and when I did do it, it wasnt often. Now I do it more frequently again, and its all I can think about during the day.

there's only one way someone isnt going to find out, and that's not to do it, you've gone for a while not doing it, and you can pick yourself up from that and try again, while it's still developing again.
you don't need it hun, the urges may seem unbearable, but they do fade, could take a few minutes, could take a few days, but the feeling of overcoming the urges is far better than that of the cutting itself, you have something to feel proud of.

UGH why do I have to be ADDICTED, its such a bad ADDICTION.

i'm afraid you answered your own question there hun, it's an addiction, it doesnt just go away, but it's worth the fight.
good luck hun, PM me if you need to
:hug3: