Syvelocin
October 14th, 2010, 11:40 AM
I was at the dermatologist today since I got an allergic reaction to something. Anyway, it was on my leg, so I had to take my pants off.
I hate that anxiety. You can tell yourself all you want that they're not looking at your scars, but they definitely are. I think that's the one aspect that I can never change. My social anxiety is one story, because it isn't usually true when you're scared people are whispering about you. When you have to take off your pants and you have those pink, fresh scars contrasting with your pale skin... they're looking at them. I know they do.
I was there for my hives, not my scars. But being a DOCTOR, a bloody medical doctor versus a psychiatric doctor, they always say something. You could have been scratched by a cat for all they know, but when they look at all conspicuous, they're asking about something you're not paying them to take a look at. "What are these scars. Is this an accident or cutting?" Seriously? It's already enough that a self-conscious girl like me has to show her legs off, even if it's just a doctor and a nurse, but you have to ask how I got such obviously self-inflicted scars? I have to explain this to you?
And then their attitude automatically changes toward you! Before they're all kind and sweet, once they see your scars and they know that you purposefully did them, if they're not prejudice against you, they get all solemn and serious.
She even touched on my psychiatric meds. They had already asked if I was taking anything, which I said no to, then she goes on about whether I'm taking anti-depressants or not, which was completely unrelated in context to my breakout.
And that's just the dermatologist. Emergency room doctors are much more cruel.
God, I hate doctors.
I hate that anxiety. You can tell yourself all you want that they're not looking at your scars, but they definitely are. I think that's the one aspect that I can never change. My social anxiety is one story, because it isn't usually true when you're scared people are whispering about you. When you have to take off your pants and you have those pink, fresh scars contrasting with your pale skin... they're looking at them. I know they do.
I was there for my hives, not my scars. But being a DOCTOR, a bloody medical doctor versus a psychiatric doctor, they always say something. You could have been scratched by a cat for all they know, but when they look at all conspicuous, they're asking about something you're not paying them to take a look at. "What are these scars. Is this an accident or cutting?" Seriously? It's already enough that a self-conscious girl like me has to show her legs off, even if it's just a doctor and a nurse, but you have to ask how I got such obviously self-inflicted scars? I have to explain this to you?
And then their attitude automatically changes toward you! Before they're all kind and sweet, once they see your scars and they know that you purposefully did them, if they're not prejudice against you, they get all solemn and serious.
She even touched on my psychiatric meds. They had already asked if I was taking anything, which I said no to, then she goes on about whether I'm taking anti-depressants or not, which was completely unrelated in context to my breakout.
And that's just the dermatologist. Emergency room doctors are much more cruel.
God, I hate doctors.