young_mum
October 11th, 2010, 12:45 PM
hi,
i found this forum and thought that i would join.
only one person knows that i self harm, but she doesn't seem to understand. even when things in my life are going ok, i still do it. my friend says "but why do you do it, just stop it"
if only it was as simple as that. i dont think people who have never been through it understand how it feels.
i decided to try and find people to talk to because i was on the bus with my son today. it was really warm so i took my jacket off. i just didnt think - usually i keep my arms covered, but today, i didnt even think about it. next thing, a little boy who must only have been about 8 years old said "oh my god what happened to your arm"
i just mumbled something about having pets that scratch and put my jacket back on.
i looked down at my arm later on and realised that more of it is scars now than skin. when it first started i wasn't cutting deep enough to make scars. now, each time i do it, there isalways at least one cut that is in need of stitches. but of course, i wont go to the doctor, so it's butterfly stitches at home.
i stopped. for a long time after i had my little boy, i didnt do it any more. but recently i feel like my life has spiralled beyond my control. i dont know how to stop any more.
i refuse to ask anyone for help - i dont want to be seen as unstable, i wont risk having my little boy taken away from me.
i dont know, it's just nice to write it all down, know people are going to see it, but they wont judge because they are going through it too.
does that make sense? well, i dont suppose it does.
but that's my story anyhow.
i found this forum and thought that i would join.
only one person knows that i self harm, but she doesn't seem to understand. even when things in my life are going ok, i still do it. my friend says "but why do you do it, just stop it"
if only it was as simple as that. i dont think people who have never been through it understand how it feels.
i decided to try and find people to talk to because i was on the bus with my son today. it was really warm so i took my jacket off. i just didnt think - usually i keep my arms covered, but today, i didnt even think about it. next thing, a little boy who must only have been about 8 years old said "oh my god what happened to your arm"
i just mumbled something about having pets that scratch and put my jacket back on.
i looked down at my arm later on and realised that more of it is scars now than skin. when it first started i wasn't cutting deep enough to make scars. now, each time i do it, there isalways at least one cut that is in need of stitches. but of course, i wont go to the doctor, so it's butterfly stitches at home.
i stopped. for a long time after i had my little boy, i didnt do it any more. but recently i feel like my life has spiralled beyond my control. i dont know how to stop any more.
i refuse to ask anyone for help - i dont want to be seen as unstable, i wont risk having my little boy taken away from me.
i dont know, it's just nice to write it all down, know people are going to see it, but they wont judge because they are going through it too.
does that make sense? well, i dont suppose it does.
but that's my story anyhow.