Not again...

[Asylum]

I gave my passed boyfriend (ex) when we were together a lot of things I used to cut myself with. It's been at least 6 months since the break up and he's giving them back to me. I guess why I'm stressing about this is because well I will break down. Because it isn't the relationship that I mss, it's his friendship. I'm competely over him, so it's not the relaitonship at all I miss.. he was a jerk. We odn't speak to each other anymore, unless initiate the conversation. Then he will usually brag about something in his life that is great. I'm going to the Lady Ga Ga Concert, or I'm taking Miranda to homecoming. I just wish we could have the conversations that we had before the relaitonship started. I know once I get those thigns back I will use them. He's giving them to me today... I'm almsot in tears... I'm sitting in the cafeteria right now... just wanting to get this over with... I really can't deal iwth it. As a side note Miche told me i didn't look like i was 111 lbs... I took offense to that. I wasn't sure if she meant i looked less or more, but I just assumed more.. i really really have been focusing on my weight.. i want to reach 105. I've got to. I'm soo pissed off right now, and i hate myself. I just want to hurt myself partially because my ex broke up with me because of it... i don't know why it upsets me so much... sorry for the obnoxious rant... :(

[Syvelocin]

Have you ever expressed to him that you want his friendship? He does sound like a jerk and all, but if you miss that, I would give it a try.

I'm "friends" with two of my exes. On good terms with another. Then I don't speak to/am on bad terms with three. The two I'm friends with are incredibly sweet and kind to me.

You're just under 8st. That's a glorious weight. I don't know how tall you are, or your body frame, but 8st is perfect. 7st 7 is on the way low end of average weight (depending on your age, of course) My idea weight is 8st 8... *does the math* 120 pounds. Eventually, I'd like to be just above where you are now.

I'll leave you with this, as I've already told you everything I would like to remind you of, in other threads.

"Within each and everyone of us is the power to create and the power to destroy. You get to decide which you'll use." - My English teacher. That's what she said to me one Friday last year, along with making me promise that I wouldn't hurt myself that weekend and have some fun for once. That was the first time someone had told me not to hurt myself, and I actually listened to them.

[tombstone]

yeah I must say, I've been trying really hard for a while to put weight on. I'm 8 stone and im still trying. im 17 which makes it just under average I think. The point is you reeally shouldn't worry about your weight at all.

Someone who is going to give you back tools you used to self is horrible person. You really shouldn't keep in touch with someone like that. It's clearly hindering you with stopping self harm.

I hope you just dumped them in the bin on the way out of the cafeteria. How are you doing now?

[Asylum]

i've told him. in fact yesterday i talked to my bestfriend about how much it hurt me... so she screamed at him on facbook... and guess what... she made me sound like i cried about him eveynight... i'm like wtf?!?!? this is not what i said O_o so my ex IMs me and says "Songul you have your boyfriend now... you don't need to hurt yourself over me anymore." I'm like rawr at this point.. i'm angyr and hurt. having to tell him, being the conceided person that he is yes... i miss you as a friend was embarassing for me not to mention humiliating since he broke up with me in hte frist place. now i just look like a sad sick little lost puppy.

i lost weight i now weight 110 with clothes on. don't now what i weigh without :D so i feel a little better. hehe

i actually do need some of the stuff back tho.. i gave him fabric scissors and bonzi sheers, andi need them, partially to make christmas gifts.

i actually didn't get them back... which is why my friend yelled at him online about it. Most of the stuff i will try to throw away, but i do need some stuff because they are scissors and sheers, things i do use besides self harming.
i'm supressing my feelings... i was emotionally unstable two days ago...i couldn't stop crying.. today its like nothing happened... like i wasn't involved in it at all... like it doesn't involve me personally because i'm an entireally different person, more of an observer... so i'm apathetic towards it..

[tombstone]

Well if your over him do you really do it matter what he thinks? It's only going to cause unnecessary pain etc. Suppressing your feelings is not the best thing to do either, i do it as well, but maybe i wouldn't self harmed as much if i did. im not really sure but suppressing them is not the best way to deal with them :(

Telling your friend how she hurt you as well would be a good way to prevent anything like that happening again.

[Asylum]

true, it Doesn't matter what he thinks because i don't care.. well then again sometimes i do.. care.. i care all the time about what other people think... i can't not suppress my feelings tho i do it subconsciouly

i don't want to hurt her feelings because i think she did it to help me, and iwasn't supposed to know about it. however... since she changed words around it sort of makes me question our friendship a bit...