About recovery.

[Aspiringanonymous]

Is it possible?

Can one ever feel completely okay with oneself and the world, after hating it all to the bone for as far back as memory goes?

It's one thing to effectively manage the pain, to be capable of at least functioning every day, but it's all still there, and at every unsuspecting brief moment it is prone to attacking again. It seems as if everything I do to cope is merely an escape - no, that is probably true. Because problems are not being solved here, merely pushed to the back of my mind for as continuously long as possible.

There is always some reason for these feelings to persist. Old struggles fade, new struggles take its place, arising from its remnants. It never ends. At this rate, I'm not sure if I can do this anymore. I don't know though. I suppose I will when the time comes.

[Art_dude]

:hug3:

Maya, I'm so sorry you're going through whatever these struggle are :(
But to answer your question, no, you'll never fully go back to seeing things the way you did before you had such vitriol for oneself and the world. Contrary to idealistic belief, there are some emotional wounds that go too deep to ever fully heal - but that's o.k. You learn to live your life in a new way that adjusts to such pain. In fact, it's these wounds that mold us into the better people we know we can be.

Pain will always be present, suffering however does not need to. I know it hurts. I also know the dread of waiting for that uninvited and often unprovoked pain making its way back into your head. Why do you feel you're not dealing with your problems? perhaps you can elaborate?

I know it feels you may not be able to do it, but I know you can - you're a strong and compassionate person. You just have to awaken to it yourself. You know I'm always here if you need to PM.

:hug3:

[1_21Guns]

Maya, I think you already know the answer to the possiblity of your question, and it's that answer which is leaving you feeling the way you are.
No, these things are always going to haunt us, kick us while we're down and leave us feeling like its a never ending cycle of emptiness and pain, so in the end we see no point in fighting something we can't win.
It is possible to win though Maya, it's possible to get better, it's possible to move away from the cycle and keep out of its way as much as possible.
I know it's never easy to live with such a hate, but someday it is possible to learn to love what we once hated, even if we never let go of what it has turned us into.
Everything you do probably is just an escape from it, it's natural, you don't know what else to do, and it could even be the problem is simply beyond your control and all you can do is run, this, however much of a frustrating process it is, is the way it goes.
You're stronger than all of this Maya, it hasn't got the better of you yet, and it never will. You always come stronger than it, and that doesn't have to change, you can overcome this as much as possible Maya, there's always hope no matter how small and pointless it looks, it's always there.
by all means PM me if you ever need to talk, i'm here :heart:

:hug3:

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