Urge to Purge

[Asylum]

After I eat, I feel the need to throw up. Today I tried throwing up a few times before i ate anything. :( Even after I ate, I began to feel sick, and a need to try to throw up again... I weighed myself no exaggeration over 10 times today... :( I just feel fat, I'm constatnly counting calories.. and making sure it's the bare minimal, and it's uber healthy so my body doesn't want to hold onto it. I'm trying to lose a lot of weight before homecoming... I still want to throw up, and I promised a certain someone i wouldn't.. but i feel like i can't help it. :( How do i get rid of the urge to purge?

[Syvelocin]

One thing that can sometimes help me, only really works if you're not completely anti-food.

I had a period where I ate little if anything. When my mum finally noticed, she made breakfast the next day. Homemade crumpets. She had also, annoyingly, "spiked" my black tea with a huge amount of regular sugar, and not exactly low-fat milk.

Favourite breakfast ever. And I'm sure she did that on purpose, because I couldn't pass it up. She knew already though, so she helped me out when I hesitated.

Eat your favourite food in the morning, and don't give it up.

Don't know how much that helps. Helped me, because when I was much worse off, I really wanted to eat, yet didn't, and having my favourite food right in front of me when hungry was difficult to say no to. Now, I have the same thing every morning for breakfast.

Though, I never struggled with purging. I can hit up my mother for advice maybe, she used to be bulimic before I came along, and being pregnant with me was enough motivation to get off of it.

Why do you purge in the first place? Do you binge before it, or do you just purge when you do eventually eat something? Just so you can start analysing the reason behind it, and to fix that part of it.

:hug:

[Asylum]

I used to purge a few years ago. It wasn't for awhile. Mostly attempts. Then when I was actually considred purging. My mom noticed and I had to stop, otherwse mental hospital... I don't eat all day... but then for dinner (which is the first time I eat) I eat a normal amount, rather then a small amount of food, sometimes binging... :( because I am sooo hungry by the end of the day. I usually in the past purged at random times not secificaly after or before food. The reason I purge is because sometimes I'll feel sick after I'll eat because my body isn't used to lotsof food, or because I feel fat, or because I really really want to lose weight. When I think about purging I get the urge. I'm really really trying not to start that up again... I promised my boyfriend I wouldn't.. but soemtimes I feel so sick after I eat... this i guess is my stomach ulcers. They hurt soo freaking much :'( I don't usually feel them until I start eating. Which could be contributing to the I feel sick feeling. I hate myself, and I want there to be less and less of me as possible. One thing that has helped me not to purge is taking my meds after I eat because that would skrew up wiht my dossage, however that dones't always work. I am anti food, anti everything at the mment.. I am afraid my body will hold onto water... O_o For breakfast my mommy makes me ice coffee sometimes and thats usually what I have until dinner. Now i'm skrewingmyself over more because if i start eating now.. i'll gain more weight than i would've if i didn't have an ED. :(

[Scarface]

Well first of all hun :hug3:

Eating disorders are a very hard thing to tackle and they require a lot of mind changing things. To answer your question about your ulcers, it very well could be because the stomach acid corrodes the lining in your belly as well as your esophagus. Also along with the stress that you're enduring with the weighing and worrying about your weight. It's tough going through an eating disorder especially binge and purge, as it's a constant process.

I've heard from a very wise friend of mine that eating only one meal a day will essentially mess up your metabolism and create an over load work for your body to burn the calories at once. So that could be a cause for you to gain weight, BUT before you freak out! There is a solution to this, but you have to slowly work yourself into and make it a routine. First off believe it or not, breakfast is a very crucial meal of your day, it's been proven by nutritionists to give you energy and it doesn't even have to be a big portion if you choose not so. Just maybe an apple an oatmeal, oatmeal is not only healthy, but so is an apple with little to no calories and very simple to make! So pop it in the microwave with some water and you're good to go.

Now you could also plan something small throughout the day like something small like an orange you can get sacks of oranges or apples for dirt cheap at any local super market. Plus they have a little sweetness, contain vitamins and minerals and little to no calories so you could eat them like a snack.

Now down to business with dinner; I've used this technique myself as it's psychological and creates in your mind that you've eaten a lot ore than you've actually eaten right? Okay, well why not try eating on a smaller plate? Eating on a smaller plate and filling it up on dinner time puts it in your mind that you're eating a lot, but in reality, you truly are not. So it's a lot easier to keep track of what you eat. Having breakfast, starting small snacks throughout the day. This all does not have to happen right away.

You can take your time and make a small step, but gradually move forward. Remember, don't be so hard on yourself okay? Just try to reassure yourself of everything because in reality, there is nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend certainly doesn't want you doing this to yourself and I do not seeing you suffer with it. Especially unnecessarily. So take a breather, look at the plan I've given you and contemplate what you would like to do. If you need support or someone to talk to, I'm always here, PM/VM me anytime and I hope I've helped, Good luck Songul. :hug3:

[Asylum]

Oh no I can't beleive I"ll gain weight with jsut eating dinner... arghhh :(. Already I'm skrewing myself up. I could definately try to eat apples in the morning and maybe an orange for a snack. Then a really small dinner so I can lose weight :) maybe... thank you Ronnie for your help :)

[Triceratops]

You can stop this before it's too late.

But when it's too late, you've basically opened the door to your own nightmare that will never go away. Trust me on that.

[Asylum]

how can i stop the urge exactly?