Just need some help.

[DancingFool]

I don't even know where to start. This is my first time posting on this site. I guess you could say im depressed, though I don't know how it started. I didn't grow up in a bad place or around bad people. My parents had a much tougher time growing up then I did. They were poor with alcoholic parents and had to take care of their siblings. They were robbed of their childhood, I wasn't. I never had to worry about where my next meal was going to be or if my parents where coming home. Im not trying to brag or anything I was want to know why Im so messed up.

Lately all I can think about is death. I probably wouldn't even be here to write this if I wasn't such a baby. I don't know what wrong with me. Evertime I make a friend I end up loosing them over something. Im sick of loosing people who are supposed to be my friends. And Im sick of being here where people other than your family don't give a shit about you. I just really don't know what to do anyone. I don't have anyone to talk about this with because it would break my mothers heart to tell her I started SHing again. I refuse to be the reason I see my mother and father cry again. My sister was the only one to keep me sane... she just moved out. After all shes 23, I knew it was coming. I just didn't want it to happen.

idk what to do. any advice?

[DarkHorses]

Hey Elizabeth,

Sometimes it's hard to look at things this way, but depression can affect anybody. It doesn't matter how you grew up, what your family is like, what you're like, etc. You can be depressed regardless of any of that. When I first started dealing with depression I felt really guilty because I knew there were people struggling a lot more than me, and here I was feeling depressed when really I'm lucky compared to so many. But problems are problems, and how big they are isn't what matters, what does it how much they affect you. If this problem is affecting you significantly, it's just as important as any other.

I know how difficult it is to lose people you thought were your friends. That is what started my depression. I lost what I had thought was a really good friend, and she ended up turning the rest of my friends against me for a long time. I admit I could have done a few things differently, but it still really hurt me and caused me to feel extremely depressed. It becomes hard to trust people, and after being hurt one too many times you wonder if you ever can.

But the way I see it now is that I never should have let those people make me as depressed as they did. Believe it or not my emotions are in my control, most of the time. I can choose not to let things bother me, I can choose not to let people contribute to my negative emotions, no matter how depressed I am. I do have power. And I can say now that if something similar ever happens again, it won't have nearly as much of an impact on me, because I refuse to let it. If people aren't going to stick with you, they're not worth your time. Don't even give them a second thought any longer.

I know that it's difficult, but maybe you should consider talking to someone. It's never something anyone wants to do, but it is something that may help you. You don't have to tell your parents about the SH if you don't want to, but you could simply tell them you've been feeling depressed and ask them to help you look into seeing a therapist or a doctor. Talking through things with someone can really help.

You might not have best friends you can count on, you might not find it easy to trust, but look at it this way: You have a family who loves you. It's not always easy, but try not to take that for granted. Friends come and go, but family is always there, and they will always care for you. You've got something special, there.

I'm here if you ever need to talk. Best of luck. :)

[Fiction]

I understand how it feels to feel that you have no reason to be depressed, but to still feel depressed and I know how guilty that can make you feel. I also know what it's like to loose friends, and how hard it is. I don't have much advice to offer really other than it might be good to talk about it all. You can Vm or email me (email adress in sig) At any time. :)

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

the thing about depression is it doesn't discriminate against certain groups. it can affect anyone. just like you, i really have very little to be sad or depressed about, but here i am, talking to a psychiatrist. it isn't your fault that you're sad. and i totally can relate to the friends issue. i have the same problem. i literally think i'm cursed.
if your parents aren't against it, bring this conversation up and ask them to let you get help from a professional if you don't already see one.
for a more short-term solution, just really concentrate on all you have. i mean, REALLY think about it. it will help you feel a little more appreciated, and maybe a shine a little light on your mood.
i hope this helps, and you can always contact me if you need to. :)