is it weird to want to 'protect' my friends?

[Painted_Indian_Horse]

okay, so, i have always felt this way. i'm not good with words at all, i rely on actions and body language more. i actually literally having trouble making myself say 'i love you' or things like that. like, if my parents or one of my friends is like 'i love you', i can't even look them in the eyes to say it back. it's not that i don't like them, i love them all very much. i just am not good with words. i would rather show in my actions what words can say.
so, getting to my point. my friends are very important to me. they ARE my family, more than my immediate family actually is. but to tell them that would be very difficult. instead, i have promised myself to their safety. if anything, and i mean anything, happened to my friends that i could have prevented, i wouldn't be able to forgive myself. i always think, that if one night we are downtown, and somebody tries something stupid, i wouldn't think twice about fighting tooth and nail for the safety of my friends and family. i guess it's just my way of saying 'i love you.' it's pretty primitive though. i feel ashamed that i can't even look my mother who had always been there for me in the eyes to tell her so.
i can't handle emotions well, obviously. i don't show them, to anyone, not even my friends. instead, this is how i handle things. if you say you would take a bullet for someone, you don't understand how true that really is for me. my life is not as valuable as that of those around me. if it came down to a choice, i would lay down my soul for them.
i don't like them any further than friendship. i don't have crushed on any of these people.
i'm just wondering, am i the only one that feels this way? am i just this weirdo primitive freak that can't say 'i love you'? does this even make sense to anyone else? :confused:

[disassociation2016]

Relationships can be very complex. So much so that you might not be able to communicate the words that you feel are appropriate, but I would consider your feelings for them to be "love".

[Art_dude]

I agree with Dayton. I think that a friendship as deep as the one you have with your friends is too complex to be simply labeled as "love" which is why I think you're having difficulty using the "L word" since it doesn't encompass all that you feel for them. Don't feel guilty about the way you choose to express your loyalty to them - a lot of people use words, but a lot of people also use their actions. As long as your showing your appreciation in SOME way, that's all that matters. I'm sure they're very grateful to have you!

As for whether or not this means of expressing love is 'primitive' is pretty irrelevant to me. I'd say that it's probably a little bit tribalistic, but that doesn't take it's legitimacy away. That kind of altruism you're describing is incredibly meaningful. Stop putting labels on it and you'll see. I think everything you've described thus far is typical of teens our age, so don't even begin to worry about it. As you age and gain more wisdom I think you'll find yourself being able to articulate your feelings in words better. Hope this helps! PM me if you need :)