Escape

[Trickster]

Lately ive been feeling trapped. Because at home i live in a very conservative, very right winged (parents claim to be democratic but have extreme right winged views), very narrow-minded house. And im nothing like that, im easy-going, let people be who they are, and dont judge. At school i feel free(pressure but thats only because its senior year and college coming up) but nonetheless i feel i can breathe there. People know im gay there and dont care, and accept me(little too much but its a good thing) When i return home i always feel so drained and tired and just...done. College seems to be the only thing i can look forward to anymore. I stopped speaking to my brother since he is well douche, and i never liked my step-father because of his bias, bigot,ignorant and extremist views. My mom...she is slowly becoming someone i cant talk to anymore. I want to try things ive always wanted to(i want to straighten my hair or get different clothes) and she says its feminine or it doesnt look good. Even though if i got my hair relaxed it wouldnt look girly or anything but she is stuck in the past. I can only talk with my friends over the phone or fb but that cant happen often and it doesnt always feel the best. The only thing at home that really makes me happy is my hamster and my dog.
The college i want to go to i know i will make me feel so much better but its sooo far away. (in time not distance) so i dont know how im gonna cope with this situation.
I need advice at how am I going to go about dealing with this.
*I cant tell them im gay because not only will it make my last year here uncomfrotable but spark many arguments and possibly abandonment.

[Hank Hill]

Well, I think that you definetely have a lot of similarities with me. I too look to school as a safe haven from the drama and opinions at home. To me, school may be boring, but it's a place where I can just let go of everything at home and be myself. It sounds like you need to (don't think this is weird) learn the guitar if you don't know how to play. It really helps take my mind off of things at home, when things are going bad, just camp out it my room, write a few sad songs, and play them to my hearts extent :). You also might want to consider doing things with your mom that you two like to do together or used to like to do together. Try not to let yourself slip into a "coma" of sorts with your mom and step-dad. It wouldn't go over too well when you finally end up telling them. If you get into a very good relationship with your mother, you should be okay to tell her your sexuality without bringing up arguments and DEFINETELY not abandonment. If she really loves your step-father, she will convince him to not care either. Personally, I think you should be able to do what you want with your appearance, that should be your choice, but if it's that big of a deal with your mom, maybe hold off on trying out for a while until you sort things out with her.

Just try to get everything sorted out as soon as possible. And really don't completely drift apart from your mom and step-dad. PM me if you have anything you need to talk about.

[Aspiringanonymous]

It would be nice to get out of the house. Living alone changed, and saved my life - and part of it was the relative freedom to explore and express myself in my everyday life as I wished. Would going to college be an opportunity to do so?

My mother will never understand - and thus she never needs to know. It's definitely worth a try at some point to have a civil discussion, hell even a debate if you're able to handle one in attempt to validate your position to her - but the truth is, some people will never get it, no matter how much effort you put into it. Especially with older people, whom oftentimes have their perceptions already firmly set. That's all okay - it's not anybody's fault, and it doesn't imply any ill will - it's just unfortunately the way some people are.

No matter what, your time in this environment is limited - hold on to that fact.

All the best to you. :hug3:

[Billy15]

Paris,

I read your story and it's like looking in a mirror sreiously, except for the freedom you feel at school, I don't even have that because their attitudes toward gays are maybe even worse then at home. I have three years of school yet before I can even think about college and to be honest, I just want to scream.

Friend, I have no advice for you (I'm sorry) but I wished I did because maybe then I'd feel better about my own life. I never try to hurt anyone, I always try to be as nice to people as I know how, I don't judge others and I just wish guys like us could just get the same respect, that same appreciation and could just be ourselves without everyone in our lives trying to mold us into what they want us to be.

Trust me Paris, I hope you find your answers and man, I wish you the happiness you seek, I really do.

Billy

[welcome_to_chaos]

i know what thats like it hurts just to read :hug: all we can do is get through it togather and hope for the best. i want to come out to my parents but i really cant. they would flip. but anyways. im always here if you need to talk :)