Please help (my dad)

[The Joker]

I'm going to counselling son, mainly about my issues with my dad. My dad has mental illness himself. He says that if I say any "lies" to the counsellor, he has to talk to the counsellor to clear himself up.

He's always trying to control me. I don't want him saying a word to the counsellor, it's MY counsellor. He's trying to make it sound like I'll accuse him of a bunch of lies. How can I guarantee the counsellor never talks to my dad? My mom will be taking me to the counselling. He always claims to have a memory problem, yet if some past event doesn't swing his way, he always "remembers" EXACTLY what happened, and I am ALWAYS wrong. So if I tell the counsellor about something he does, he'll just label it as a big fat fucking lie...

Sorry if this isn't coherent, I'm really upset...

[PJay]

Sounds a bit like my dad sometimes. 90% he is great. Then he gets drunk and can NOT be wrong about anything. Rips me apart. There is more but basically it sucks but hopefully your counselor sees all that and knows the real score.

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[ErykaInspire.]

Your dad won't know what you say to the counselor unless YOU tell him. Confidentiality is a major responsibility when in a counseling/social service type of job. If the counselor talks about anything, what's said/actions/ect, ANYTHING, s/he could lose their job.
Just be honest.

[CaptainObvious]

I'm going to counselling son, mainly about my issues with my dad. My dad has mental illness himself. He says that if I say any "lies" to the counsellor, he has to talk to the counsellor to clear himself up.

He's always trying to control me. I don't want him saying a word to the counsellor, it's MY counsellor. He's trying to make it sound like I'll accuse him of a bunch of lies. How can I guarantee the counsellor never talks to my dad? My mom will be taking me to the counselling. He always claims to have a memory problem, yet if some past event doesn't swing his way, he always "remembers" EXACTLY what happened, and I am ALWAYS wrong. So if I tell the counsellor about something he does, he'll just label it as a big fat fucking lie...

Sorry if this isn't coherent, I'm really upset...

Just tell the counselor that it is extremely important to you that not a word of what is discussed in sessions with him(her?) is mentioned to your parents. Confidentiality is taken very seriously, I don't see any reason the counselor wouldn't comply.

[The Joker]

Yeah, it's just I'm afraid of my dad doing something...he has a history of trying to manipulate people involved in medical jobs.

[PJay]

Sounds like he has his own issues (thats the polite and edited version).

The counsellor is seeing you so just be you, and let your dad go off into his own little world and play with the Pixies of Bad Parenting Past and be whatever he thinks he should be. My dads issues were cos of his dad, he's pretty ok considering the little bit i hear about he went through.

[CaptainObvious]

Yeah, it's just I'm afraid of my dad doing something...he has a history of trying to manipulate people involved in medical jobs.

It would be a very serious ethical breach for a counselor to talk about what you told him/her in confidence to anyone, and any counselor worth anything knows that. I can tell you're upset, but you need to not worry. Say what I told you and don't worry about your Dad. Don't let the thought that he might try to interpose himself in your therapy stop you from seeking it out to the maximum extent possible.

[Alex_.-]

chancellors are trained to deal with situations like yours, they go through years of training and education, they will know how to handle things, so try not to worry

best of luck :)

[myskias]

tell the counsler EXACTLY what you told us. he/she will believe you

[Azunite]

Why don't you tell your consler everything? Counselors don't tell what you have talked to someone else, that is a rule :)

Don't worry, as someone said above, they had a training for almost 5 years plus all those tests. They get money for that :D

Well I rarely have problems with my dad, but when I have ,the whole household shakes and shivers because of our yelling...

Dads are always offensive at the child's age from 14-16 something. Act mature, try to grow up fast and then he may think that "Sheeit, I cannot control this man!"

[nick]

I agree with the others Matt, the counsellor will not pass on anything that you say without your permission, that's their job.

[Christiaan]

There's no worries here mate.

Medical ethics and the law prevent the doctor or councilor from discussing what's said in yer counciling sessions. Ya have every right to bring that up and ask the doctor if that isn't so, otherwise there's no trust between ye.

[Theatheist of doom]

I think you should talk to your counsellor about this too honestly, its not like hes gonna judge you if he thinks you lied to him, hes a counselor its his job to help people and not just them

[ShatteredWings]

Your dad won't know what you say to the counselor unless YOU tell him. Confidentiality is a major responsibility when in a counseling/social service type of job. If the counselor talks about anything, what's said/actions/ect, ANYTHING, s/he could lose their job.
Just be honest.

Just tell the counselor that it is extremely important to you that not a word of what is discussed in sessions with him(her?) is mentioned to your parents. Confidentiality is taken very seriously, I don't see any reason the counselor wouldn't comply.

Confidentialty with minors is limited. If matt says something that would have heavy implications that his father is physically abusive, then the counselor has to say something to one of his parents.


Yeah, it's just I'm afraid of my dad doing something...he has a history of trying to manipulate people involved in medical jobs.
Yeah, my mother is known for doing this. [she's kept me from getting medical care]

Where's your mom in this, maybe she can be a voice of reason.

It would be a very serious ethical breach for a counselor to talk about what you told him/her in confidence to anyone, and any counselor worth anything knows that. I can tell you're upset, but you need to not worry. Say what I told you and don't worry about your Dad. Don't let the thought that he might try to interpose himself in your therapy stop you from seeking it out to the maximum extent possible.
It would be, however as I said above...

I would suggest telling this person that you need them to keep confidentiality, to prevent further conflict at home (NOT ABUSE!! Do not say anything that can be taken as abuse! They HAVE TO tell about that) and bring the suggestion that anything that they feel needs to be reported to your parents be reported to your mother - assuming that's appropirate - or run by you first.


Edit: I just realized this was posted last month. Matt, if this is irelevant now I'll close this.

[The Joker]

No, it's fine. I'm still not getting counselling- it's coming soon.