I'm drifting back to that routine.

[YesterdaysNews]

I'm cutting every few days now. It's getting worse. And now winter's coming, it'll be acceptable to wear long sleeves. No one will notice, no one will care. The "my cat did it" story still fucking works. So many people saw my hand today, my best friend even said, "mean cat much?" Before I had to explain myself. I like it... I like the blood, I like the pain. I hate the attention but I love the feeling. I don't want to go back to therapy. I won't get caught this time. Cutting is also my motivation to lose weight. I might get my ass on the treadmill more often now. This could be for the better. I won't let anyone hold me back.

What am I saying?

[georgiamay]

hun, you've said yourself that your getting worse, so maybe gonig back to therapy wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe actually talking to someon face to face might be better for you, because words on a screen can only do so much. Tell whoever caught you before that you think you might need some help again, and I'm sure if they cared enough to do it then, they'll care enough to do it now.

People do care about you, so don't keep things like this to yourself thinking no one will care, because they will. And wouldn't you rather tell someon that you need help again yourself, rather than them findibgn out and you have to get it the hard way, and trust me, that's never fun.

If you ever need someone to talk to, PM me anytime hun, I'm always here :hug:

[YesterdaysNews]

Therapy didn't help, the social worker didn't quite understand what I was trying to say and I didn't know how to explain it better. And then she brought my mom in, who brought her emotions and tears and made everything worse. I don't want that again... I don't know what I want. I want comfort. If my mom finds out again she'll notify my doctor, who will want to see me every week. I don't want to go through the "I have an appointment" stage again. I'm so complicated :\

[Purakane]

Manda as someone who used to weight over 220 lbs I know depression.
At one point I was exactly where you were and it scary when suicidal thoughts began to pop up.

What change my life was a decision I faced myself to look at one day.

I became 100% honest with myself and asked myself, either my life will be shit or I'm going to control of my life.

You Manda currently have 0% control and that's why your confuse and hate yourself. Your cutting feels good b/c it is a subconscious release of mental pain.
When we hate life we become abusive. Gamblers and drug addicts beat their wives or children. Because your situation is private you cut yourself.



I decided to take control and educate myself.

especially for teens the reason why we're fat is because of the excess amount of hormones we have in our bodies. I know it sucks to get made fun off/ embarrassed/ or even worse ignored by the cute boys.

I also forced myself to exercise and after about 20 or so days I developed a habit. Jogging for 15 minutes a day around your neighborhood in the morning will have you lose about 10 pounds per week.

Oh and not sleeping will make you lose alot of weight also but you do get grouchy.

Trust me when I say there is hope for you if you take control. I'm now 140 lbs
and so happy with my life. But I've never forgotten your pain b/c I was there. Feel free to message me about anything. The best thing about being young is that you get to shape your life anyway you want and become who ever you want. If your 40 and fat...forgetaboutit! stretch marks!

[YesterdaysNews]

I don't have time to take control.
I get home, I do my homework, and I probably spend way too much time on the computer. But by the time I'm finished everything I need to do, It's 10 or 11 at night and I'm being told to go to bed. There's no time frame for me to exercise. Or maybe I'm just making up excuses. I don't know. If I am I need to teach myself not to..

[georgiamay]

You need to take some time to yourself sometimes. If not to exercise, just to site down and watch some TV or something. It's not health to be busy all the time, you need time to relax. Homework and school work is important, but don't do too much of it, spread it out a little, so you have at least an hour a day to just chill. An hour seems like a long time, but it really isn't. Spent an hour or 2 on homework, Have an hours break, and then do anything else that needs doing.

Everyone has time to take control, and you could do that so easily, you just seem to busy yourself with things that you convince yourself are more important, but they aren't, you are the most important thing in your life. Once you've taken control, doing the other things won't seem like such a big deal, because you'll be in control of your life.

You are in control right now, you have the choice about what you do with your life, so if you don't like your routine, then change it. It's your life.

[kidkizzet]

I don't have time to take control.
I get home, I do my homework, and I probably spend way too much time on the computer. But by the time I'm finished everything I need to do, It's 10 or 11 at night and I'm being told to go to bed. There's no time frame for me to exercise. Or maybe I'm just making up excuses. I don't know. If I am I need to teach myself not to..

There most likely is some time for you to exercise, or just relax, it's unlikely that you have so much to do that you haven't finished everything until 10 or 11. It is possible that you are making up excuses like you say, I've come to realise I keep making excuses for not doing things.

You need to take some time to yourself sometimes. If not to exercise, just to site down and watch some TV or something. It's not health to be busy all the time, you need time to relax. Homework and school work is important, but don't do too much of it, spread it out a little, so you have at least an hour a day to just chill. An hour seems like a long time, but it really isn't. Spent an hour or 2 on homework, Have an hours break, and then do anything else that needs doing.

I really recommend you do what Georgia suggests here. As much as homework is important, you need to make sure you don't do too much of it, because it's unhealthy to spend too much time on this sort of stuff. What you should do is plan out your evening. You should plan how long you're going to spend on each piece of homework and try to stick to it. Doing all your homework at once will probably make you stressed out, so I'd recommend taking a short break every so often. Plan your evening out so you don't spend too long on the computer, plan what you wish to do on the computer and how long you should spend on it, but try not to spend too long on there. If you want to go out every evening and exercise, then that's a good idea, but make sure you give yourself time to rest when you get back. Give yourself some time to just relax and maybe think about things, time to take control and figure things out.

[YesterdaysNews]

I'm too good at lying to my mom. She saw the scars on my hand and believed me when I said the cat did it. Yay me.

[georgiamay]

I'm too good at lying to my mom. She saw the scars on my hand and believed me when I said the cat did it. Yay me.

Maybe you should start being honest with her. If therapy didn't help, maybe taking to someone that you love, and that loves you will be better. If they're trying to help you, you know they're doing it because they care, because you're mum loves you. I'm sure she'd do whatever she can to help. I know telling someone is really hard, but if they know, you'll want to stop, because you don't want to hurt them.

I've been there. At first you'll regret telling them, because someone else knowing is your worse nightmare, but soon you'll start to want to get better. It does help.

Again, PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to :hug3:

[iMukuro]

It's obviously extremely hard to stop. I have the urges all the time, but the best way to make it stop is to force yourself to get rid of the stuff that you use.
I told my parents where the stuff was in my room so they wouldn't hunt my room when I was in the hospital.
Throw away whatever you use. It's just for the best.

[UnknownError]

The cat excuse will run out at some time. My teacher got suspicious after the 6th time someone grassed me up for "Being a emo" Uggh. Especially when they told her I had no pets...

Anyway, I think you should speak to someone. Do you have any close friends you can trust?
Good luck whatever you decide to do. (:

[welcome_to_chaos]

I'm too good at lying to my mom. She saw the scars on my hand and believed me when I said the cat did it. Yay me.

Yay me? the fact that u say that makes me think that u want her to notice....u want her to care u just dont want to tell her. or u dont want to deal w the sight of hurting her. but by going on and not seeking help ur hurting her an you more. maybe ask to see another theripist or doctor. i want u to get help. it does wonders. but it cant helpu unless u let it and be open to it. i hope u choose to get help for this before it s 5oo late :) if u ever need anything pm or vm me :) im always here :hug: