Fiction
September 27th, 2010, 06:33 PM
I recently looked at some of my old threads on here from about February time. It made me realise how much better my life is now, how much happier i am. I forgot how unhappy i had actually been back then but it all came back when i read what i'd written.
I suppose it's a good thing i'm happier? I mean why wouldn't it be? But i'm still cutting. I haven't got the triggers like i used to have but i'm still doing it. Why? Is it just pure addiction now? Am i still using it as a coping method to deal with the much smaller stuff in my life just because it's what i'm used too?
I used to be motivated to stop, when i was at my lowest is when i wanted to stop the most but now i just don't see the point. I hardly even register when I cut. It's just like a part of me. I don't associate it with such negative feelings anymore so it just doesn't feel negative. I still get the cravings, not as bad but i still don't resist.
I do still ocasioanlly cut when something bad happens but this doesn't happen very often anymore. I suppose i just feel kind of "lost" without it. I suppose it's something i still want to be there in case life gets tough again. I really don't know. I'm sorry i don't really know the point of this post, just trying to make sense of it myself i think. if anyone has any suggestions waht this is all about they'd be appreciated :)
I suppose it's a good thing i'm happier? I mean why wouldn't it be? But i'm still cutting. I haven't got the triggers like i used to have but i'm still doing it. Why? Is it just pure addiction now? Am i still using it as a coping method to deal with the much smaller stuff in my life just because it's what i'm used too?
I used to be motivated to stop, when i was at my lowest is when i wanted to stop the most but now i just don't see the point. I hardly even register when I cut. It's just like a part of me. I don't associate it with such negative feelings anymore so it just doesn't feel negative. I still get the cravings, not as bad but i still don't resist.
I do still ocasioanlly cut when something bad happens but this doesn't happen very often anymore. I suppose i just feel kind of "lost" without it. I suppose it's something i still want to be there in case life gets tough again. I really don't know. I'm sorry i don't really know the point of this post, just trying to make sense of it myself i think. if anyone has any suggestions waht this is all about they'd be appreciated :)