what I know vs what I feel

[ktkurbst0mp]

I haven't posted in a really long time.
But I know I always found some type of responce here.

I'm in highschool, my senior year. And while all of my friends are excited about it? I'm not. At all. Whenever I get to school, I feel like I'm wasting time. Like I'm wasting my life there and I could be doing so much more. More important things than just sitting there. And I know, I know that I have to get my diploma and I have to go to college or I won't make anything of my life. But going there makes me feel like I'm wasting time.

I don't know what I want to do for college. I was in therapy again for a month or two, but I stopped going because my therapist insisted on talking about college the entire time. And I really, really don't want to talk about college. But even after I told her that, she kept going back to the same topic. I can't talk about it.

I work too. Almost 40 hours a week. But the funny thing is, my coworkers always say they feel that they're wasting their life working there part time. While, I absolutely love working. More than anything. While I'm absent frequently at school, I go to work everyday sick or not. I feel like I'm so backwards from what I'm "supposed" to be doing or feeling.

And it wasn't always this way... I wanted to be a doctor. But I just don't anymore. The whole idea of staying in school is nauseating to me. And I honestly don't know why. :(

[Art_dude]

I'm sorry hun :(

I definitely know how you feel - it's really hard to realize the significance of getting your diploma and studying in school when, you're actually sitting at a desk and it feels like there couldn't be any correlation whatsoever.... but as you know, it's very important, so keep at it!

I suggest applying to some liberal arts schools. I think having the flexibility of dabbling in different subjects and applying yourself to new and exciting courses will help you find something you want to pursue. Don't feel pressured to have it all figured out at 18. People change their majors all the time. Just wait until you get there and see how you'll benefit.

There's nothing wrong with working - in fact, you're one of the few people who are lucky enough to like what they do! There's no reason you can't continue to work in college. In fact the college can help you in finding a job through the school or finding an internship elsewhere that might interest you.

I think you can intellectually rationalize all this, but like you said, the idea of staying in school is nauseating. I think you may be feeling this way because you've been stuck in a boring highschool classroom the last four years of your life. I think once you're in college and you realize how different the dynamics are, you can appreciate education on a more immediate level.

[ktkurbst0mp]

Thanks for your response. :)
And yeah I agree with you completely. It's just so frustrating. I used to be really into school and everything but just this last year seems like its going to be rough.
I'm just ready to get out haha

[Art_dude]

No problem hun :)
Yea I think you're just anxious to finally get out of there. Experiencing "senior-itis" a little bit early xD Just take a deep breath and you can get through it. :hug:

[trackstar9.875]

Sounds like you need a change of scenery.

Obviously, your co-workers aren't "lifting your spirits."

There's an old saying: If something's got you depressed...QUIT DOING IT!

If a job seems meaningless...QUIT DOING IT.

My Mom and Dad have told me: Whatever you do in life...do it "passionately" or JUST DON'T DO IT!

You'll always be happy, when you're passionate about what you're doing...Ah did I say that twice? See how passionate I am?

You really need to do some inner soul searching, and of course, get away from all this negativity, that's keeping you depressed.

Good Luck!

[ktkurbst0mp]

Well, its school that has me depressed. I love work.