Worse than ever, and just getting worse each day

[DrkZ90]

These past two weeks have been simply way too much to handle, and it just keeps getting worse...

The thoughts are back, and I'm back to breaking down everyday and crying all night, I've barely gotten enough sleep, and the fact that between yesterday and today I've almost fainted at least 5 times and it's a horrible feeling.

I've also been back to hurting myself and with the accident-looking suicide attempts (which have, sadly, failed, and left me with just a sore throat).

I just don't know what else to do... the loneliness feeling is simply unbearable, I can't stand sitting here alone all day, seeing every single attempt to do something about it explode in my face...

[DrkZ90]

fucking great, why do have things to keep getting worse? hasn't it been enough already?

I'm really down and things keep going from worse to worst...

A "friend", a mutual one with the guy who now hates me for no fucking reason, had his birthday today, and he is at the moment having a birthday sort-of-party get together... I wasn't invited, and of course it hurts to know that... what hurts most is knowing he lives fucking next door! I can hear them having fun and all, reminding me I wasn't invited, looks like yet another person I considered my friend now hates me, and I don't fucking know why... his cousin did once "guessed" I'm gay, I'm starting to think that's what caused the first guy to hate me too (he is at that party...)

I'm breaking down horribly, again... I don't know what to do... I'm scared of myself, I've been hurting myself at night even more, even hoping not to wake up again, I don't want to keep going, what's worth keep living for? I got nothing...

I can't believe that the last 8 days, where such good things have happened in my country, my personal life is still a hell, and getting worse.

[tictac]

What ever you do do not kill yourself But it seems you have had a rough time and if your friend is like that obiously he is not a friend someone like that WITH the knowledge that you live right beside him is A big fat JERK i don't want to be rude but thats what he is And maybe just maybe you'll do better than him he'll feel bad and where will you be AT the top. hope this makes you feel better :)