Don't know what to do anymore..

[I.J.]

Well, I have days where I'm sad, and happy. Sometimes it gets to the extremes. When I'm really happy, I get all my hopes up, thinking "Oh I'm so awesome and good looking.", but then eventually I get really sad, and all my hopes come crashing down, and when I look at myself in the mirror, it just seems, confusing. Cause I'm disappointed. I know I look okay at least, but I can never look effortlessly good, like, I would have to cover a few things up and get my head the right angle, do my hair in a certain way, and I'm totally fine. But I want to look good without having to do all this stuff, but I don't, I think, at least. It's just so confusing, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, it's like my face changes everyday. I don't understand how one person can have such a wonderful life, while another has such a messed up life (other things going on in my life too, this is just my biggest problem). Why can't we all just be even? The meanest people I've ever met have a happy life, and some of the nicest people I've met, just don't. I don't get it.

I guess my problem is just that, I got my hopes too high. I always thought I was all that (please don't think I'm a conceited ass hole, I'm really not, lol). After like a whole year of thinking that, reality hit me, and my hopes just came crashing down. After, it's just been a roller coaster. I keep getting them up so damn high, just to have them crashing down everyday, every single day. It's like, in my head, I have my own little world, where every thing's fine, and then I try to incorporate that into my real life, and It is the same, to an extent, like halfway maybe, but not fully. And I hate that.

Ahh...I don't know...I need some help...I'm so confused..

[Aspiringanonymous]

Highs and lows - I have struggled with, and been equally fascinated by this issue for a while now. One thing is for certain, there is a natural tendency for what goes significantly up, to come crashing down at some point with similar amplitude. It is possible that the only way to avoid becoming trapped in the cycle, is to consciously strive towards a sustained calm and thus neutrality - neither high, nor low. We have the power to overcome irrational forces with rational effort, and most of all, awareness - the discretion regarding where effort should be applied, and how.

Inequality also exists by nature. Everyone strives naturally to be 'better' - but that requires contrast and comparison. Those on the negative, or lower side of the spectrum - their existence allows for those who are 'better', to be just that. Equality will exist only when everyone is able to appreciate the value of such, and make a conscious effort to bring that to others wherever necessary. It's not anyone fault - it's how things are, and likely will remain for a long time. Different people have different circumstances, and reactions to circumstances are unique based on the individual. Perhaps one question you should begin to consider is - what are the circumstances, both external and internal, which shape your concerning experiences?

I like to exist in a different world too, so I know how painful the transition back to 'reality' can be. I'm still working on a way to minimize the shock - but one thing is for sure, I refuse to give myself time to dwell excessively on it. Reality sucks and everything, but it doesn't matter much because it will be what it is, regardless of how we perceive it. We still have to do what we must do. And perhaps, just perhaps, somewhere along the way there will be a meaning to this order of things. I've also spent a lot of time observing the boundaries, or lack of, between what exists in "my world" and "the world". You are quite correct; some things are able to cross over in application, but some cannot, no matter how much one attempts at it. These are the things that we will have to accept, at some point, and then seek for a solution within "the world" instead.

Difficult times helps us learn, more than anything else. Everything will become clear at some point - but it takes time. :hug3:

[Art_dude]

First off, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way hun :( And secondly, I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's a bizarre feeling - you feel fine some days and other days you feel as if your face has almost physically changed... you never feel good enough.

The solution? Accepting yourself.
No easy task but it's the only path towards lasting joy. The only reason you fall short of your idealized image is because you have expectations. Expectations are a blessing and a curse - we need them to logistically make things work. but when we turn them on ourselves we can play this game of intense masochism, running in circles. Only when we see ourselves in the rawest and ugliest form we know and accept ourselves and LOVE ourselves for it, can we move on. I'm still working on it, but it's a daily struggle. Please PM me if you feel you want to talk about this in more depth. :hug: