still hurts..

[1_21Guns]

"you not have any contact with your dad anymore then?"
"nope"
"are you even bothered?"
"aha, on and off i suppose"
"how long you not spoken for now"
"2-3 years.."
"what's he say about that then?"
"it's all my mums fault, when it isnt, its mine, but yeah"
"well thats not fair, its your choice"
"yup"

i hate that conversation.
i had to have that face to face with one of my friends.
i hate the word dad.
i hate everything.
i thought it was gone, i thought i was past it.
but the more i think, the more i realise i'm the exact opposite.
her saying that every now and again, doesn't exactly help.
not her fault though, nobody knows those old scars are more like fresh wounds.
i keep telling myself, i'll ask if he wants to see me when i leave school, so i can tell him my results and where i'm going.
then i remember, no natalie, you wont.
i just want it to stop, i'll be 16 in just over 2 months, thats 8 years since the memory that haunts me, my dreams, my life, everything.
8 years, the scars still burn.
blehh.
not really looking for a reply, just needed to write down thoughts before my head exploded.
ugh. whatever.

(and for the record, those who don't know me previously are gonna go 'its not your fault!' well it is when your mum asks if you want your parents to split up, so you'll see him less often, and you agree thinking full well in your head you'll never see him again)

[nick]

Nat, dont know you very well, would like to know you better. I can relate to a lot of what you have said, but for me its my mother. You have me on msn and elsewhere, always happy to talk.

[1_21Guns]

Nat, dont know you very well, would like to know you better. I can relate to a lot of what you have said, but for me its my mother. You have me on msn and elsewhere, always happy to talk.

thanks Nick, guess i'm just not much of a talker all the time nowadays..

[The Madness.]

Nat I'm here if you need to talk, ever. :) -hugs-

[Iron Man]

As am I. Don`t be afraid to click that "Send a message to" button.

[1_21Guns]

thank you so much guys

[Kahn]

"you not have any contact with your dad anymore then?"
"nope"
"are you even bothered?"
"aha, on and off i suppose"
"how long you not spoken for now"
"2-3 years.."
"what's he say about that then?"
"it's all my mums fault, when it isnt, its mine, but yeah"
"well thats not fair, its your choice"
"yup"

i hate that conversation.
i had to have that face to face with one of my friends.
i hate the word dad.
i hate everything.
i thought it was gone, i thought i was past it.
but the more i think, the more i realise i'm the exact opposite.
her saying that every now and again, doesn't exactly help.
not her fault though, nobody knows those old scars are more like fresh wounds.
i keep telling myself, i'll ask if he wants to see me when i leave school, so i can tell him my results and where i'm going.
then i remember, no natalie, you wont.
i just want it to stop, i'll be 16 in just over 2 months, thats 8 years since the memory that haunts me, my dreams, my life, everything.
8 years, the scars still burn.
blehh.
not really looking for a reply, just needed to write down thoughts before my head exploded.
ugh. whatever.

(and for the record, those who don't know me previously are gonna go 'its not your fault!' well it is when your mum asks if you want your parents to split up, so you'll see him less often, and you agree thinking full well in your head you'll never see him again)

I know how you feel, except for the fact that I am 2 years younger than you.

My father and I barely talk, and he constantly blames my mother and myself for it. He makes me angry, sad, worried, scared. He's always been like that. His existence reminds me of evil. He is the shadow in my life, and he is what caused my bitterness. He is what caused my unhappiness, and he is what caused me to leave him. He has never been there for me, or comforted me. He has only criticized and mocked me. His been the definition of evil in my books for years. He's cold.

He's also made me into the person I am today though. I've grown standing on my own two legs, instead of his or my mothers. I know what to do with my life, and I know how to handle situations. In being unhappy I have matured. I have made myself a better person, but a boring one. Unhappiness changes people. For me, it made me learn. I think it has done the same for you.

You seem like you understand what is going on, so I don't really have anything to offer, but I saw that someone else had a estranged father so I had to comment. It's not often that I see someone with almost the same situation as me, and he still scares me to this day even though I am hundreds of miles away from him.

Sorry for taking your time.

[Brighter.Tomorrow]

You know I'm here if you ever need to talk, fucking brit. :P

Me and my dad talked for the first time, a year ago, this year we had a fight, he got pissed off that I wouldn't call him dad, that I'd call him Emmett, so we don't talk anymore.
The people in your past are there for a reason. It's hard to lose someone, whether we like them or not, but we learn to deal with it..I can't truly say much more then this.

[1_21Guns]

I know how you feel, except for the fact that I am 2 years younger than you.

My father and I barely talk, and he constantly blames my mother and myself for it. He makes me angry, sad, worried, scared. He's always been like that. His existence reminds me of evil. He is the shadow in my life, and he is what caused my bitterness. He is what caused my unhappiness, and he is what caused me to leave him. He has never been there for me, or comforted me. He has only criticized and mocked me. His been the definition of evil in my books for years. He's cold.

He's also made me into the person I am today though. I've grown standing on my own two legs, instead of his or my mothers. I know what to do with my life, and I know how to handle situations. In being unhappy I have matured. I have made myself a better person, but a boring one. Unhappiness changes people. For me, it made me learn. I think it has done the same for you.

You seem like you understand what is going on, so I don't really have anything to offer, but I saw that someone else had a estranged father so I had to comment. It's not often that I see someone with almost the same situation as me, and he still scares me to this day even though I am hundreds of miles away from him.

Sorry for taking your time.

It's fine, i'm glad you took the time to explain your own situation too, kinda helps in a weird way, but yeah, my dads around 150 metres away... so yknow.. kinda makes me sick in a way >.< but yeah. thanks again :)

You know I'm here if you ever need to talk, fucking brit. :P

Me and my dad talked for the first time, a year ago, this year we had a fight, he got pissed off that I wouldn't call him dad, that I'd call him Emmett, so we don't talk anymore.
The people in your past are there for a reason. It's hard to lose someone, whether we like them or not, but we learn to deal with it..I can't truly say much more then this.

eh shush you bloody american!

but yeah, thanks Ty, you're probably right they're there for a reason, but meh XD

[Kahn]

It's fine, i'm glad you took the time to explain your own situation too, kinda helps in a weird way, but yeah, my dads around 150 metres away... so yknow.. kinda makes me sick in a way >.< but yeah. thanks again :)

I don't know what 150 meters is compared to miles, but my Dad is a good 300-400 miles away from me and never bothers to call. When I call him, he complains I don't call enough.

[1_21Guns]

I don't know what 150 meters is compared to miles, but my Dad is a good 300-400 miles away from me and never bothers to call. When I call him, he complains I don't call enough.

basically quite literally 5 minutes down the road, he drives past every morning, and yeah... >.<

[Theatheist of doom]

I feel bad for you after reading that :( CYBER HUG >:D>

[1_21Guns]

as this is my thread, and it has been bumped I am now locking it.

Please do not bump old threads. :locked: