Breaking out of the "friend zone"

[judgeofsin]

Alright, Here's the deal. I've had a crush on this girl for 2 school years. 6th grade to 8th grade. In 6th grade, my feelings for her were normal, just a plain crush. In 7th grade, I told her that I loved her. I meant that with all my heart. She told me that i'm a person she would easily go out with. I didn't ask her out then because she had a crush on someone else. In 8th grade, I told her that I noticed how she always seems to fall for guys who end up being extreamly cruel to her. That's when I told her part of the reason I wanted to go out with her so badly. I wanted to protect her from the pain that she kept feeling. The pain of their cruelty. The second reason was because I just plain loved her. I wanted to be with her. For her sake and mine. That was when she told me the one thing I never wanted to hear. She told me that i'm like her "brother". It was then I ended up saying the most cruel things i've ever said in my life to her. I'm not even sure if she could possibly forgive me. The "friend zone". That empty little void. As i've said before, I want her in my life. To do that, I need to be free from this dreadful void. Please help. I need it more than ever.

[dents]

I've been in the same boat plenty of times, you will prob never get rid of the dreadful void with her, once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone

[Sage]

See, the whole problem with the friend-zone is that you can't break out of it. Sorry chico, if you're too nice to a girl, the idea of going out with you becomes less and less appealing to them.

[fudgebabe]

awww im so sorry :(

[judgeofsin]

She did tell me that she would go out with me. does that still mean anything?

[Kahn]

Ask her out. You need to at least try. If she rejects you, just stay the way you are. Explain to her how much you love her and how you want her to be happy. Guys will always be dicks, hell I'm a dick. You just need to prove to her that you're worth a chance, and if the inevitable happens and you guys don't date, be there for her. Comfort her when she needs it, and don't be cruel to her. Be the guy you've always been, and love her no matter what.

[judgeofsin]

Ask her out. You need to at least try. If she rejects you, just stay the way you are. Explain to her how much you love her and how you want her to be happy. Guys will always be dicks, hell I'm a dick. You just need to prove to her that you're worth a chance, and if the inevitable happens and you guys don't date, be there for her. Comfort her when she needs it, and don't be cruel to her. Be the guy you've always been, and love her no matter what.


The only problem with asking her out right now would be the fact that she likes another guy right now. She tends to develop crushes REALLY quickly. To be honest, the only reason why I haven't asked her out yet is because she gets crushes so fast. Everytime she gets a crush on someone, I always hope that things go well. But it's always either her crush is really mean to her or things just don't work out. Whenever that happened, I always gave her a good amount of recovery time. However, the second that her "recovery" was over, she would instantly have a new crush. I never even get any time to make my move. Should I just wait and see if her feelings for him die? or ask her now? I need to know.

[Kahn]

Well, I will ask her out. You're right. I don't have anything to worry about.

Good. It's worth a try.

Good luck :)

[judgeofsin]

i'm not sure if i can anymore. read the edit i made.

[Jagster]

If I may, I shall recommend this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAVRNA1l1wM

[judgeofsin]

read my third post on this topic. that explains the main problem.

[Kahn]

The only problem with asking her out right now would be the fact that she likes another guy right now. She tends to develop crushes REALLY quickly. To be honest, the only reason why I haven't asked her out yet is because she gets crushes so fast. Everytime she gets a crush on someone, I always hope that things go well. But it's always either her crush is really mean to her or things just don't work out. Whenever that happened, I always gave her a good amount of recovery time. However, the second that her "recovery" was over, she would instantly have a new crush. I never even get any time to make my move. Should I just wait and see if her feelings for him die? or ask her now? I need to know.

There really is no time to wait then. The reason I say this is because if she develops a crush really easily, then she will right after this next guy. If she doesn't have a crush on you, it might mean that you two have a better chance of succeeding if you're together.

The reason I say this is because she wouldn't have to worry about impressing you, and you guys could continue to be yourselves around each other. She would just have to have that extra level of commitment to you, and if she falls in love it sounds like she will.

Ask her now. Before she develops a new, random crush. Don't be the rebound guy, make your move. If she says no, then continue to wait. It sounds like you love her, and I respect that. It's good that you are willing to wait for love, most kids aren't.

Good luck kid.

[judgeofsin]

There really is no time to wait then. The reason I say this is because if she develops a crush really easily, then she will right after this next guy. If she doesn't have a crush on you, it might mean that you two have a better chance of succeeding if you're together.

The reason I say this is because she wouldn't have to worry about impressing you, and you guys could continue to be yourselves around each other. She would just have to have that extra level of commitment to you, and if she falls in love it sounds like she will.

Ask her now. Before she develops a new, random crush. Don't be the rebound guy, make your move. If she says no, then continue to wait. It sounds like you love her, and I respect that. It's good that you are willing to wait for love, most kids aren't.

Good luck kid.



So, I should ask her out now while she still likes him?

[Kahn]

So, I should ask her out now while she still likes him?

In my opinion, yes. It sounds like she is constantly liking other boys. Take your chance, because there may not be one in the future.

[judgeofsin]

In my opinion, yes. It sounds like she is constantly liking other boys. Take your chance, because there may not be one in the future.


Alright, I'll do it. But, can you give me some advice on how I should do it? I rarely see her at school and when I do see her, there are a lot of people around. I don't want to make her feel awkward. The only time that we talk A LOT is on Facebook. So how should I do this?

[Arantor]

Dude you sound like your in a pretty similar situation that I am, given a few changes.

From my personal experience, the dreaded "Friend-Zone" is extremely hard to get out of. Not impossible, but very hard. The video that guy posted was actually pretty accurate, you the only way i've ever seen it done was with no/low contact for a long period of time.

Im currently in the middle of doing this. Basically at the start of the year me and this random guy both liked this girl; she ended up liking him back.. They haven't gone out or anything yet but you know, its still difficult. Basically, she just met this guy, but me and ehr have been friends for YEARS.

Anways, I guss what im trying to say is, you can still get out of the "Friend-Zone" .. But it'll take a lot of hard work and dedication.

[judgeofsin]

That's something I REALLY want to accomplish. She's openly told me how much she cares for me many times. I still think I have a good amount of hope if I really try.

[Dan_UK]

Alright, Here's the deal. I've had a crush on this girl for 2 school years. 6th grade to 8th grade. In 6th grade, my feelings for her were normal, just a plain crush. In 7th grade, I told her that I loved her. I meant that with all my heart. She told me that i'm a person she would easily go out with. I didn't ask her out then because she had a crush on someone else. In 8th grade, I told her that I noticed how she always seems to fall for guys who end up being extreamly cruel to her. That's when I told her part of the reason I wanted to go out with her so badly. I wanted to protect her from the pain that she kept feeling. The pain of their cruelty. The second reason was because I just plain loved her. I wanted to be with her. For her sake and mine. That was when she told me the one thing I never wanted to hear. She told me that i'm like her "brother". It was then I ended up saying the most cruel things i've ever said in my life to her. I'm not even sure if she could possibly forgive me. The "friend zone". That empty little void. As i've said before, I want her in my life. To do that, I need to be free from this dreadful void. Please help. I need it more than ever.

Girls like "jerks" as such, because they're "more exciting" to them, girls want a guy that they won't get bored of, and being nice doesn't cut it for them, girls want to be ignored a little, it's your best bet of getting a girl

Oh yeah, and making sure you are physically fit and have clear skin is important too, not just girls, but people in general are horribly judgemental, so if you don't look the part, your chances drop like a rock in the sea


Contraversial, maybe
True, certainly

[Daniel_]

Lets face facts.. Once your in the friend zone, you can never escape, mostly for the fact that if your close friends the girl/guy will be afraid that a bad relationship could ruin your friendship...

I'd just try and forget about it..

[Arantor]

That's not entirely true, while it might as well be, it's not.

You CAN get out of the friend zone, whether or not you'll be the 1 in a couple thousand that get's out of it is a different story. But you never know.

[the8bitter]

Ah, yes, the dreaded "Friend Zone". Let me tell you a bit of a story on this one. There are two cute girls that live right next to me and always invite me over to do stuff with them. I had developed a crush on one of them, although I had it well hidden. I wouldn't think she knew about it...I acted really sweet towards both of them. In fact, the one I had crushed on wanted to strangle me for "being too nice". At one point, I heard them contemplating about kissing me. She had said, "No, he's too good of a friend to do that too". However, as nice as I was, they had always tried to get to my "dirty" side. They'd always try to get me aroused, especially in their swimming pool where they were half naked and did lesbian type things in an attempt to "turn me on". They also tried getting dirty with me later on, and one of them pulled down their jeans and started showing me their panties. I refused to let them know I was getting really excited "down there", but I did enjoy all of that to an extent since I'm not exposed to that sort of thing very often.

So, in a way, there truly is no escape from the Friend Zone. Some women, I've noticed, find it interesting if you become really sweet towards them. In my case, my lady friends try to get me horny all of the time. I'm also liable to get hugged all the time. You might not be ask them out, but you can still form good relationships with them. I prefer just hugging/cuddling/smooching myself, no private-touching or sex unless the girl wants it.

[jovien]

whatever u do dont force nor play around with her emotions

[judgeofsin]

whatever u do dont force nor play around with her emotions

i would never do that. i care about her to much to do that to her.

[Dan_UK]

. i care about her too much.


and that's why she's not interested

[judgeofsin]

and that's why she's not interested

i guess you might be right. i do care A LOT. how can i fix that?

[Daniel_]

i guess you might be right. i do care A LOT. how can i fix that?

Theres nothing to fix, hes just a meat head.

Girls want a loving, sensitive guy who cares about them, not some arrogant, self centered jerk like everyone stereotypes "true men" to be.

[Sage]

Girls want a loving, sensitive guy who cares about them, not some arrogant, self centered jerk like everyone stereotypes "true men" to be.

On the contrary, I find a lot of girls like the indifferent "bad boy" type. They just don't like to admit it.

[Art_dude]

On the contrary, I find a lot of girls like the indifferent "bad boy" type. They just don't like to admit it.

I agree with Sage. This is catnip for most chicks.

500th post btw :D lol

[judgeofsin]

I agree with Sage. This is catnip for most chicks.

500th post btw :D lol

Trust me, I've known that for the longest time. Those are the guys she continues to get hurt by. EVERY SINGLE TIME. As you can tell, i'm different than them by a LONG shot.

Congratulations on post #500 :)

[Art_dude]

Trust me, I've known that for the longest time. Those are the guys she continues to get hurt by. EVERY SINGLE TIME. As you can tell, i'm different than them by a LONG shot.

Congratulations on post #500 :)

Doesn't matter - girls like to get hurt by the bad boy because they think they can 'fix' them. They find a guy that's not perfect, and they make him their project. Sadly they don't see the connection, and they keep going back for more. Sorry bud :/

And thanks :D

[Sage]

Those are the guys she continues to get hurt by. EVERY SINGLE TIME. As you can tell, i'm different than them by a LONG shot.
They find a guy that's not perfect, and they make him their project. Sadly they don't see the connection, and they keep going back for more.
That's not quite accurate, Art_dude. The appeal of rebels is a bit more deep than that. Don't take my word for it though, I recommend reading up on what women themselves (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml) have to say.

[snj3403]

there is some hope in "breaking out" of the "friend zone." i promise.

[judgeofsin]

That's not quite accurate, Art_dude. The appeal of rebels is a bit more deep than that. Don't take my word for it though, I recommend reading up on what women themselves (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml) have to say.

I get what this is saying. You haven't met me, but i'm not the typical "Nice Guy" at all. I don't take this entire thing like it's a life or death situation. She's someone who I honestly like a lot and is someone I want to date. Sure i've given gifts before, but nothing mind-blowingly serious. If she says no, i'm not going to act like I died and that i've nothing left to live for. It's just rejection. That's just a little taste of who I am. Romantically anyway.

[Art_dude]

That's not quite accurate, Art_dude. The appeal of rebels is a bit more deep than that. Don't take my word for it though, I recommend reading up on what women themselves (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml) have to say.

Heartless Bitches International? God... my respect for you just shot up like 800 points xD

I still stand by my original statement though. I think depending on the person, women do make it a point whether it's conscious or not, to get the bad boy and 'fix' him. Certainly not the only reason they're attracted to them, but I've found from talking to my own female friends that it's the case with quite a few. They want the bad boy's dark side, but they also want the devotion and other positive traits of the good guy. And so the training begins.

The undercurrent theme of the article (imho) is women's insecurity. That article and many women themselves do profess they want an independent, self sufficient adult without the idol worshiping bull shit, and yet this desire doesn't come from well reasoned thinking but from an underlying discomfort with the idea of someone else's insecurity making THEM insecure.

[Sage]

I don't take this entire thing like it's a life or death situation.
And that's fair enough, but I'm going to outline the parts in your original post that gave me a completely contrary vibe.

Alright, Here's the deal. I've had a crush on this girl for 2 school years. 6th grade to 8th grade. In 6th grade, my feelings for her were normal, just a plain crush. In 7th grade, I told her that I loved her. I meant that with all my heart. She told me that i'm a person she would easily go out with. I didn't ask her out then because she had a crush on someone else. In 8th grade, I told her that I noticed how she always seems to fall for guys who end up being extreamly cruel to her. That's when I told her part of the reason I wanted to go out with her so badly. I wanted to protect her from the pain that she kept feeling. The pain of their cruelty. The second reason was because I just plain loved her. I wanted to be with her. For her sake and mine. That was when she told me the one thing I never wanted to hear. She told me that i'm like her "brother". It was then I ended up saying the most cruel things i've ever said in my life to her. I'm not even sure if she could possibly forgive me. The "friend zone". That empty little void. As i've said before, I want her in my life. To do that, I need to be free from this dreadful void. Please help. I need it more than ever.
The advice I can give you is only based on the way in which I'm reading your posts here. You seem very worked up about this in your first post in this thread so I'm unsure what to tell you. How serious is it to you?

[judgeofsin]

And that's fair enough, but I'm going to outline the parts in your original post that gave me a completely contrary vibe.


The advice I can give you is only based on the way in which I'm reading your posts here. You seem very worked up about this in your first post in this thread so I'm unsure what to tell you. How serious is it to you?

Ok, well I know that that post was only made so long ago. During that time, I admit, I was blinded and out of control. The words you outlined were perfect examples of that. This was honestly the first time i've ever felt this way about anyone. So I got cared away with my words. Sorry. :( I'm honestly not like that. I just like a lot and I want to date her. That's it. I am serious about wanting to date her, just not the serious my brain came up with. I'm pretty much relaxed about this whole thing now and we are going to be best friends for the time being. Is there anyway I can still win her over?

[judgeofsin]

anyway at all?

[Dan_UK]

That's not quite accurate, Art_dude. The appeal of rebels is a bit more deep than that. Don't take my word for it though, I recommend reading up on what women themselves (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml) have to say.

Thanks for backing up my point against that "Daniel" guy whilst I was gone :yes:

Hahahahaha please say that Daniel guy isn't trying to call me a meat-head? Especially after saying he'd be happy with a C+ in a test whilst I'm a straight A student

Ok, well I know that that post was only made so long ago. During that time, I admit, I was blinded and out of control. The words you outlined were perfect examples of that. This was honestly the first time i've ever felt this way about anyone. So I got cared away with my words. Sorry. :( I'm honestly not like that. I just like a lot and I want to date her. That's it. I am serious about wanting to date her, just not the serious my brain came up with. I'm pretty much relaxed about this whole thing now and we are going to be best friends for the time being. Is there anyway I can still win her over?

Depends how often you see her, would you say you see her pretty often? Because if so then you can definitely make a good attempt at getting her to see you in a different light

[judgeofsin]

Thanks for backing up my point against that "Daniel" guy whilst I was gone :yes:

Hahahahaha please say that Daniel guy isn't trying to call me a meat-head? Especially after saying he'd be happy with a C+ in a test whilst I'm a straight A student



Depends how often you see her, would you say you see her pretty often? Because if so then you can definitely make a good attempt at getting her to see you in a different light

I see her every day at school so that's all covered. So if I continue to do what i'm doing, I might be able to change her physical view of me? Also just too add this in, she kinda likes one of my best friends right now and is fighting with her heart and brain to decide on saying yes or no to him. I'm going to do what i've always done and help her through all of this. I'm not going to be biased about it and say things that will make her say no. But I won't say things that will make her say yes either. I'm going to help her through all of this honestly. Truthfully. I'm not the type of person who will try to mess things up for him, just because he is my competition. He's my friend and i want to see him happy. To me, if he was dating her, he'd be the luckiest guy ever. In my eyes anyway. Plus, she doesn't want a "serious" relationship right now anyway. She also isn't expecting them to last very long anyway. That is, if she says yes. So until we have school again on monday, i'm going to help her decide on this the best I can.

[aussiecasper]

im in the same situation. sucks i know but, tough it out. i havent tryed that ignoreing her thing, but i am getting a little more flirty with her so i hope she figures it out. anyway best of luck trieing to get her, hope you do.:)

[Sage]

I see her every day at school so that's all covered. So if I continue to do what i'm doing, I might be able to change her physical view of me? Also just too add this in, she kinda likes one of my best friends right now and is fighting with her heart and brain to decide on saying yes or no to him. I'm going to do what i've always done and help her through all of this.
I hope you realize that is exactly how people get friendzoned.

I'm not going to be biased about it and say things that will make her say no. But I won't say things that will make her say yes either. I'm going to help her through all of this honestly. Truthfully. I'm not the type of person who will try to mess things up for him, just because he is my competition.
Typically, the key to ending up in satisfying relationships is to see what you want and go after it. If you're going to be so mild-mannered, you shouldn't be surprised when you likely don't end up with the girl in the end.

He's my friend and i want to see him happy. To me, if he was dating her, he'd be the luckiest guy ever. In my eyes anyway. Plus, she doesn't want a "serious" relationship right now anyway. She also isn't expecting them to last very long anyway. That is, if she says yes. So until we have school again on monday, i'm going to help her decide on this the best I can.
You're giving reason after reason why they shouldn't be together and these lead you to the conclusion that you shouldn't go strongly after her yourself.

I don't get it.

[judgeofsin]

I hope you realize that is exactly how people get friendzoned.


Typically, the key to ending up in satisfying relationships is to see what you want and go after it. If you're going to be so mild-mannered, you shouldn't be surprised when you likely don't end up with the girl in the end.


You're giving reason after reason why they shouldn't be together and these lead you to the conclusion that you shouldn't go strongly after her yourself.

I don't get it.

So, helping the people close to you is bad? well honestly, whether it be bad or not, i don't care. i make her happy when i help her. also, those reasons didn't come from my mouth, they came from her's. those weren't my reasons, they are her's. she is still debating on whether to say yes or no. and i'm helping her because i actually like and enjoy helping her and it makes her happy. i still like her a lot, and i show it often. “nobody cares about me the way you do” she told me those exact words yesterday. so, now that i've said all this, what do you have to say?

[Sage]

so, now that i've said all this, what do you have to say?

Good luck, chico.

[judgeofsin]

Good luck, chico.

Thank you. :)

[judgeofsin]

Good luck, chico.

over time, i'm going to give this the best i've got. there's no way i'm giving up on her.

[Sage]

over time, i'm going to give this the best i've got. there's no way i'm giving up on her.

Over time? What are you waiting for?

[judgeofsin]

Over time? What are you waiting for?

The first time i tried going out with her, it created extreme amounts of drama for the both of us. the two of us couldn't even talk to each other without someone saying "go out with him!" or "ask her out now!" so the both of us agreed to drop the whole thing for now. so when things get a bit easier, we're going to try again. until then, i wanna show her the best i've got. we're also going to bond a little more too.

[Sage]

The first time i tried going out with her, it created extreme amounts of drama for the both of us. the two of us couldn't even talk to each other without someone saying "go out with him!" or "ask her out now!" so the both of us agreed to drop the whole thing for now. so when things get a bit easier, we're going to try again. until then, i wanna show her the best i've got. we're also going to bond a little more too.

Why let what other people say bother you?

[judgeofsin]

Why let what other people say bother you?

it bothered her. and it made me feel uneasy when i spoke to her.

[Dack]

it bothered her. and it made me feel uneasy when i spoke to her.

I wish I could say something wise...but I can't. For my sake and yours. This is the best I can do...

If you truly like her as much as you say It will be easier if you ask her out in person. Do it. Show to her you are a guy worth dating.

[judgeofsin]

I wish I could say something wise...but I can't. For my sake and yours. This is the best I can do...

If you truly like her as much as you say It will be easier if you ask her out in person. Do it. Show to her you are a guy worth dating.

I do. I love this girl. She knows I love her. I've told her so many times. I will ask her out in person. I'm just waiting for the right moment. We can almost never talk. Just the two of us anyway. The only times when we can talk alone are on Facebook, on Skype, or on the phone. I prefer talking to her on skype because then I can see her face. That and the fact that it's always a better conversation that way. We both wish we could talk more in person. So it's just hard for us to talk about stuff like this because we can't really talk about it with no interruptions from other people. I've given this girl everything I can offer. I could offer more if we were going out, but i'm still giving her the best I can for the current situation. I know i'm worth a chance. My friends always tell me i'm worth a chance. I always try to show her i'm worth a chance. She's even told me why she would go out with me and I know she wasn't lying because we promised to each other we would never lie to each other. I've given her what I can. Now i'm just waiting until I get my chance.

[judgeofsin]

I have a question: Are me and the girl love bound to get into arguments? Is she bound to get mad at me from time to time?

[Art_dude]

I have a question: Are me and the girl love bound to get into arguments? Is she bound to get mad at me from time to time?

Yea, it's called being in a healthy relationship.

[judgeofsin]

Yea, it's called being in a healthy relationship.

good to know :D thanks

[Bmatlman]

good luck. i hope your happy with what ever happens because that is all that matters. and if her being happy makes you happy then so be it. just do what makes you happy. just dont force her into any thing. because then no one will be happy trust me. ive been through this same thing. tell me how it goes.

[judgeofsin]

good luck. i hope your happy with what ever happens because that is all that matters. and if her being happy makes you happy then so be it. just do what makes you happy. just dont force her into any thing. because then no one will be happy trust me. ive been through this same thing. tell me how it goes.

thanks for the luck. i hope we both end up happy too.

[Theatheist of doom]

No, they're right, your stuck in the friend zone. But consider this a forum version of a get well soon card... :(

[MhWrestler152]

I been looking at this thread since around the time you made it and I'm kinda waiting on what's gonna happen. I'm in the same situation as you and I just wanna know how you're gonna approach it so I can steal it :)

[judgeofsin]

I been looking at this thread since around the time you made it and I'm kinda waiting on what's gonna happen. I'm in the same situation as you and I just wanna know how you're gonna approach it so I can steal it :)

wow really? XD never knew that people were paying attention to this that much. also, so you can steal it?

[Dan_UK]

I see her every day at school so that's all covered. So if I continue to do what i'm doing, I might be able to change her physical view of me? Also just too add this in, she kinda likes one of my best friends right now and is fighting with her heart and brain to decide on saying yes or no to him. I'm going to do what i've always done and help her through all of this. I'm not going to be biased about it and say things that will make her say no. But I won't say things that will make her say yes either. I'm going to help her through all of this honestly. Truthfully. I'm not the type of person who will try to mess things up for him, just because he is my competition. He's my friend and i want to see him happy. To me, if he was dating her, he'd be the luckiest guy ever. In my eyes anyway. Plus, she doesn't want a "serious" relationship right now anyway. She also isn't expecting them to last very long anyway. That is, if she says yes. So until we have school again on monday, i'm going to help her decide on this the best I can.


Woah woah woah noticed a lot of posts and it seems as if you're going to straight up ask her out? DO NOT DO THIS, it will not work and will make things worse, you can break out of the friendzone, but you have to do it properly!

My earlier question about how often you see her was for a reason, as your yes meant this method can work. Now, you need to get her to see you in a different light, right? So you have to do something that will make her think of you differently, a good example of this is something like a change to your hairstyle, or clothing style, and perhaps a couple of interests she didn't know about, not even necessairily things that she has in common, just things that make her think "hmm, maybe I've got this guy all wrong"

Also, is this the girl 2 years below you? Noticed you're the OP for a similar thread.

Anyway, as I stated in the other one, confidence is key: make sure you are confident with your new style and interests, don't bore her about them but make it clear to her (without words ofc because women respond much better to subtlety and hinting as they do it themselves) and hopefully she'll start to think differently about you.

Once achieved, there is an even harder part: being in the right situation.

one way of doing this is for you to do one big specific romantic thing for her (note the first part of this is essential for this to work) without her even having to ask, and she also has to find out you did it without you telling her, such as finding out by herself, or through a friend

this romantic thing has to be specific to her, but at the same time not so personal that it seems a little creepy, so perhaps it's related to something you know from her childhood, and sometimes you are awarded a free shot at it (i.e. all her (let's go with disney) videos got lost/stolen/ruined etc, and you tracked down and bought copies of all the films she lost and sent them by post, with something like "everyone deserves their childhood" written on the parcel

for general ideas on what the romantic thing has to be, I cannot help you, it's completely person specific

[bmxkid313]

She did tell me that she would go out with me. does that still mean anything?

of course it means something, just ask her out. i would rather get rejected than wonder, what if?

[Dan_UK]

of course it means something, just ask her out. i would rather get rejected than wonder, what if?

read the rest of his post and thread bro

[poindexter]

yeah bein gin friend zone sucks but you got to just move on.

[judgeofsin]

Woah woah woah noticed a lot of posts and it seems as if you're going to straight up ask her out? DO NOT DO THIS, it will not work and will make things worse, you can break out of the friendzone, but you have to do it properly!

My earlier question about how often you see her was for a reason, as your yes meant this method can work. Now, you need to get her to see you in a different light, right? So you have to do something that will make her think of you differently, a good example of this is something like a change to your hairstyle, or clothing style, and perhaps a couple of interests she didn't know about, not even necessairily things that she has in common, just things that make her think "hmm, maybe I've got this guy all wrong"

Also, is this the girl 2 years below you? Noticed you're the OP for a similar thread.

Anyway, as I stated in the other one, confidence is key: make sure you are confident with your new style and interests, don't bore her about them but make it clear to her (without words ofc because women respond much better to subtlety and hinting as they do it themselves) and hopefully she'll start to think differently about you.

Once achieved, there is an even harder part: being in the right situation.

one way of doing this is for you to do one big specific romantic thing for her (note the first part of this is essential for this to work) without her even having to ask, and she also has to find out you did it without you telling her, such as finding out by herself, or through a friend

this romantic thing has to be specific to her, but at the same time not so personal that it seems a little creepy, so perhaps it's related to something you know from her childhood, and sometimes you are awarded a free shot at it (i.e. all her (let's go with disney) videos got lost/stolen/ruined etc, and you tracked down and bought copies of all the films she lost and sent them by post, with something like "everyone deserves their childhood" written on the parcel

for general ideas on what the romantic thing has to be, I cannot help you, it's completely person specific

Don't worry, i'm not going to straight up ask her out. Right now, i'm working on changing my hair and clothing styles. As for muscles, I have a six pack, but it's covered by a layer of fat. I'm currently working on burning the layer of fat. Why do you ask if she's two years below me? Do you mean two years in grade level or two years in age? Don't worry, i'm confident in the changes i'm making to myself. She should take notice of them fairly easily because we see each other everyday. As for romance, that shouldn't be a problem. I'm a very sweet, kind, and caring person. (as told by her and a few of my other female friends) I'm a romantic at heart. So this part shouldn't be difficult for me. What makes it even easier is the fact that i've already done many romantic things for her. Lastly, out of all of her friends, I know the most about her. I even know things about her that even her "wife" (her BEST female friend) doesn't know about. She's told me I know everything there is to know about her and she trusts me 100%. So all in all, romance with her should be no problem at all.

[judgeofsin]

read the rest of his post and thread bro

Thanks for that :)

[Art_dude]

Don't worry, i'm not going to straight up ask her out. Right now, i'm working on changing my hair and clothing styles. As for muscles, I have a six pack, but it's covered by a layer of fat. I'm currently working on burning the layer of fat. Why do you ask if she's two years below me? Do you mean two years in grade level or two years in age? Don't worry, i'm confident in the changes i'm making to myself. She should take notice of them fairly easily because we see each other everyday. As for romance, that shouldn't be a problem. I'm a very sweet, kind, and caring person. (as told by her and a few of my other female friends) I'm a romantic at heart. So this part shouldn't be difficult for me. What makes it even easier is the fact that i've already done many romantic things for her. Lastly, out of all of her friends, I know the most about her. I even know things about her that even her "wife" (her BEST female friend) doesn't know about. She's told me I know everything there is to know about her and she trusts me 100%. So all in all, romance with her should be no problem at all.

really? You're going to change your clothing, hair, and body just to get this girl to like you? I've been loosely following this thread for a while now since it seems to have gotten so much attention, and I gotta say that your eagerness is admirable, but I'm concerned about the lengths your going to get this girl. There's nothing wrong with changing something about your appearance, but when its only motivation is to get your friend to like you romantically, then there's a problem.

I'm not trying to be the enemy here, and I apologize if I'm misinterpreting from my brief skimming of this thread, but it looks like this whole "plan" you have to get outside the friend zone is consuming a lot of thought and energy on your part. I'm just worried for your own sake that this might be an unhealthy use of your time. Why are you so bent on being with this particular girl?

[Saturn]

If I may, I shall recommend this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAVRNA1l1wM

Great video, thanks for posting. No wonder I get stuck in the friend zone a lot.

[dmeek7]

I have a question: Are me and the girl love bound to get into arguments? Is she bound to get mad at me from time to time?

Oh Jeez. Me and my friend that I like alot and want to date, We get into an argument once a week it seems like and it lasts 3 days of the week and we have 4 days of peace and happiness it seems like then we go back to having another argument.

[judgeofsin]

really? You're going to change your clothing, hair, and body just to get this girl to like you? I've been loosely following this thread for a while now since it seems to have gotten so much attention, and I gotta say that your eagerness is admirable, but I'm concerned about the lengths your going to get this girl. There's nothing wrong with changing something about your appearance, but when its only motivation is to get your friend to like you romantically, then there's a problem.

I'm not trying to be the enemy here, and I apologize if I'm misinterpreting from my brief skimming of this thread, but it looks like this whole "plan" you have to get outside the friend zone is consuming a lot of thought and energy on your part. I'm just worried for your own sake that this might be an unhealthy use of your time. Why are you so bent on being with this particular girl?

Well, i'm changing for myself and partly for her. It's mostly me. I'm not going to change into a whole new person, just for her. I'm gonna stay who i am. I'm just making a few "attractive" adjustments is all. Thank you for the compliment about my eagerness by the way. :) As for your skimming, this whole thing isn't having a negative impact on me. In fact, i'm having some fun with it. I'm not going insane, so don't worry. I'm perfectly healthy. My reason for wanting to be with her as much as i do, is because as far as i can see, she's got everything i want and more. We both understand each other and can read each others minds as if we're connected. We both 100% trust each other. I've never cared this much about someone before. To me, she's amazing.

[Philleeep]

once in a friend-zone always in a friend-zone trust me i know only too well.

[judgeofsin]

once in a friend-zone always in a friend-zone trust me i know only too well.

eh. i'll take my chances.

[Dan_UK]

Well, i'm changing for myself and partly for her. It's mostly me. I'm not going to change into a whole new person, just for her. I'm gonna stay who i am. I'm just making a few "attractive" adjustments is all. Thank you for the compliment about my eagerness by the way. :) As for your skimming, this whole thing isn't having a negative impact on me. In fact, i'm having some fun with it. I'm not going insane, so don't worry. I'm perfectly healthy. My reason for wanting to be with her as much as i do, is because as far as i can see, she's got everything i want and more. We both understand each other and can read each others minds as if we're connected. We both 100% trust each other. I've never cared this much about someone before. To me, she's amazing.


About the 6 pack thing, we all have a 6 pack that's just covered by fat :P

The age thing was because I noticed a similar thread and wondered if it was yours. About the changes, actually I'd say the more often you see her the less she'll notice the changes because they'll be so gradual, so the best way to do that would be sort the flab burning and other things she can't see first, then do the haircut etc all together so she sees the change happen ina strong enough way to see you in a new light

About knowing about her, that's great, but there's often certain lines you don't want to cross as someone who could be their boyfriend, for example if she tells you personal details about her appearance that she doesn't like, she would be less inclined to go out with someone that could make her feel so vunerable about it

[Nathan_B]

Ive been in that boat plenty of times. ive dated a few of my good friends but after a major break up, your friend ship has a big crack in it. you can feel awkwardness for quite sometime and it sucks

[maddness5]

Im in the same situation. Try to distance yourself some, but not all the way just date other girls, hang out with friends and get your mind off her for a short period of time. But don't forget about her all together, if you do love her! Ask to hang out with her, just the two of you every now & then, & try to touch her on the arm or waist a little more, give her your coat when shes cold, she might just come around sometime

[judgeofsin]

Im in the same situation. Try to distance yourself some, but not all the way just date other girls, hang out with friends and get your mind off her for a short period of time. But don't forget about her all together, if you do love her! Ask to hang out with her, just the two of you every now & then, & try to touch her on the arm or waist a little more, give her your coat when shes cold, she might just come around sometime

Thanks, I was already planning to keep myself open, but still thanks for reiterating it. :D and i'll try to get a bit more physical with her. although she's not very big on physical stuff. not at all. i mean she flirts ALOT but she just can't do physical stuff. she's going to have to get used to it soon enough. i'm not saying now, but soon. i'll just give her some time. maybe she'll come around to it.

[judgeofsin]

About the 6 pack thing, we all have a 6 pack that's just covered by fat :P

The age thing was because I noticed a similar thread and wondered if it was yours. About the changes, actually I'd say the more often you see her the less she'll notice the changes because they'll be so gradual, so the best way to do that would be sort the flab burning and other things she can't see first, then do the haircut etc all together so she sees the change happen ina strong enough way to see you in a new light

About knowing about her, that's great, but there's often certain lines you don't want to cross as someone who could be their boyfriend, for example if she tells you personal details about her appearance that she doesn't like, she would be less inclined to go out with someone that could make her feel so vunerable about it

Haha XD I guess you're right about the layer of fat :p

It looks like i'm making the changes the right way then. I'm just toning my body right now. Since throughout the day we don't see each other that much (i never thought that would turn out to be a good thing. :D) she hasn't had a chance to notice it yet. As for the hair and stuff, that will just change as things go on. Simple as that.

Yep, I know pretty much everything about her. She trusts me that much. I always try to make her feel good whenever we talk. (i don't over do it though.) I never make her feel vunerable about herself. So, am I doing a good job?

[judgeofsin]

Ive been in that boat plenty of times. ive dated a few of my good friends but after a major break up, your friend ship has a big crack in it. you can feel awkwardness for quite sometime and it sucks

For her, that's a risk i'm willing to take. There won't be any awkwardness on my part. As for her's, it's the same. Besides, we'll always be friends after that. That's a promise we made to each other :D

[Eagle63]

Unless you KNOW she likes you back, I wouldn't do it. You've already told her you loved her. According to your story, leave it at that, if she likes someone else. I've been there, and it sucks.

[judgeofsin]

Unless you KNOW she likes you back, I wouldn't do it. You've already told her you loved her. According to your story, leave it at that, if she likes someone else. I've been there, and it sucks.


I can't afford to quit now. Not when the both of us know that there is something waiting for us. All we have to do is find it.

[Dan_UK]

I can't afford to quit now. Not when the both of us know that there is something waiting for us. All we have to do is find it.


I may have replied to you in the "my looks" thread by accident