guacamole24
September 19th, 2010, 08:14 AM
I feel like everything is spiraling out of control in my head. I'll be fine when I'm occupied, but when my mind has time to wander, it sure does wander. Yesterday started off being really great. I had a great time up until about two o'clock. Then a bunch of happened. My cat is having health issues all of a sudden, my mom almost flies off the handle again, I feel sick and I don't feel like I can do anything about any of it.
As the day progressed, I felt dizzy, nauseous, I had a headache, and I felt really tired for about an hour. I honestly felt like I was gonna pass out. And because I feel this way for a while, I convince myself that it's every kind of cancer/disease in the entire world. I know it's just my hypochondria speaking, but what happens if I'm wrong? What if something is actually wrong for once?
I've been to the doctor so much with my mom and tell her that I feel sick so much that she regrets taking me to the doctor, or even believing what I'm telling her. She should know, she's a hypochondriac too, and she has major anxiety disorder, but still.
Plus, my mind just keeps running free. I can't stand to watch any sort of violence or anything entailing or indicating violence. I somehow convince myself that all this is gonna happen to me or someone I love. It rings throughout my mind for hours at a time. And the worst part... my dad constantly watches "TNT"!!! (the TV channel that shows all the death investigation shows like "Bones", "CSI", and all those.)
Plus, my OCD (I think it's OCD) keeps nagging me. The weird thing about what I think is my OCD is that it's not like I wash my hands to much or anything. Things have to be in order, and I have to do things a certain or way or I'm convinced that something terrible will happen. And this drives me crazy. Especially when I'm playing piano. Even if it's not the right way to play it, I feel like I HAVE to play it the want my mind says I should. And that drives me insane because I play piano ALL THE TIME.
And I'm also being more paranoid. I'm starting to imagine that people that are close to me are against me. I keep thinking that they're going try to hurt me. And I don't know how or why I'm thinking like this. I deep down know that that would never happen...
And there also littler problems... since entering high school, my homosexuality is starting to eat away at my brain too. Am I just never gonna have a girlfriend EVER and expect people to think I'm straight? Our family is also low on cash, and that always bothers me. And my mom wants me to join a church group, which I DON'T wanna do, because I hate trying to meet people, and especially being set up to meet them.
What can I do about this?
As the day progressed, I felt dizzy, nauseous, I had a headache, and I felt really tired for about an hour. I honestly felt like I was gonna pass out. And because I feel this way for a while, I convince myself that it's every kind of cancer/disease in the entire world. I know it's just my hypochondria speaking, but what happens if I'm wrong? What if something is actually wrong for once?
I've been to the doctor so much with my mom and tell her that I feel sick so much that she regrets taking me to the doctor, or even believing what I'm telling her. She should know, she's a hypochondriac too, and she has major anxiety disorder, but still.
Plus, my mind just keeps running free. I can't stand to watch any sort of violence or anything entailing or indicating violence. I somehow convince myself that all this is gonna happen to me or someone I love. It rings throughout my mind for hours at a time. And the worst part... my dad constantly watches "TNT"!!! (the TV channel that shows all the death investigation shows like "Bones", "CSI", and all those.)
Plus, my OCD (I think it's OCD) keeps nagging me. The weird thing about what I think is my OCD is that it's not like I wash my hands to much or anything. Things have to be in order, and I have to do things a certain or way or I'm convinced that something terrible will happen. And this drives me crazy. Especially when I'm playing piano. Even if it's not the right way to play it, I feel like I HAVE to play it the want my mind says I should. And that drives me insane because I play piano ALL THE TIME.
And I'm also being more paranoid. I'm starting to imagine that people that are close to me are against me. I keep thinking that they're going try to hurt me. And I don't know how or why I'm thinking like this. I deep down know that that would never happen...
And there also littler problems... since entering high school, my homosexuality is starting to eat away at my brain too. Am I just never gonna have a girlfriend EVER and expect people to think I'm straight? Our family is also low on cash, and that always bothers me. And my mom wants me to join a church group, which I DON'T wanna do, because I hate trying to meet people, and especially being set up to meet them.
What can I do about this?