ShatteredWings
September 16th, 2010, 07:59 PM
I have yet to be able to go much more than 4 months without cutting. I still have issues with voices, as much as I'd like to think I'm past that now.
Its still a push to get out of bed. I'm eating "OK", but only barely.
Can you be 'too old for this stuff'? Cause I think I might be.
16. Almost a fucking adult.
And I'm still afraid to be alone.
You moron what do you expect that someone's gonna be right there 24/7? Even your MOST RELIABLE friends aren't fucking God you're going to be alone sometimes.
(those of you who know me, internal dialog not others)
Just out grow it. Just get rid of it. I don't want to be mental... knowing that you can't maintain a train of thought for more than a few minutes is terrifying but it's impossible to even say that. Shying away from physical contact out of fear and blurred flashbacks feels wrong.
This nightmare needs to end, I need help, I don't know where to get it.
Granted, I've noted the date and it's likely there are other factors at play effecting my mood and sanity, and I plan on trying to see someone about ending that, but that it's always in the background. It's never been fully gone - just suppressed, just calmed.
Will it EVER go away, is it possible for ANYONE to return to a level anywhere near the rest of the population?
Its still a push to get out of bed. I'm eating "OK", but only barely.
Can you be 'too old for this stuff'? Cause I think I might be.
16. Almost a fucking adult.
And I'm still afraid to be alone.
You moron what do you expect that someone's gonna be right there 24/7? Even your MOST RELIABLE friends aren't fucking God you're going to be alone sometimes.
(those of you who know me, internal dialog not others)
Just out grow it. Just get rid of it. I don't want to be mental... knowing that you can't maintain a train of thought for more than a few minutes is terrifying but it's impossible to even say that. Shying away from physical contact out of fear and blurred flashbacks feels wrong.
This nightmare needs to end, I need help, I don't know where to get it.
Granted, I've noted the date and it's likely there are other factors at play effecting my mood and sanity, and I plan on trying to see someone about ending that, but that it's always in the background. It's never been fully gone - just suppressed, just calmed.
Will it EVER go away, is it possible for ANYONE to return to a level anywhere near the rest of the population?