can't make it through tonight

[kidkizzet]

I know I'm not going to make it through tonight. I know I'll end up cutting. It's just been a week, and I know I can't go on any longer.
I hate that I can't feel anything right now, it's this numbness shit that's making this harder for me, it makes me want to cut more.
I hold so much hatred for myself right now, and there's constant reminders of why there's so much hatred, more reasons to hate. I think if I was feeling depressed then there's be less chance of me cutting but I'm not so yeah, I don't know.
I feel like I just keep fucking shit up all the time and the thoughts of the past are just making it harder for me not to cut. I can't make it through another night, I won't sleep like this, not with how I feel. I can't even explain how I feel, it's just numbness, no such thing as happiness or sadness, no depressing feelings or shit. There's been things that have happened which should really be making me experience so much pain but I just don't feel anything and so now I want to cut to feel all that pain as well and to punish myself for not being able to feel abything.
There's just so many fucking reasons to cut. Too many to count right now. I can't even find one reason not to cut at the moment. And everything feels like it's slipping away. I feel like I've lost everything and it's all my fault. I need to cut.
In the end of all this, this shit's not really even about cutting, yet it is. I'm tired of all this.
Fuck it. I'm going to go, see what shit goes down. Even if I cut I know I won't sleep.
There's not even a reason for this thread...maybe to just get a few things out. I could write so much more but I won't.
I'm out of here.

[LiTTleBrok3nDolly]

you shouldnt punish urself for not feeling pain. Even though my reason for cutting is aways to let go of too much emotional pain, i havent in about a month. Bcs i cant, and if i think about it it drives me crazy, if you feel like cutting do what i do, throw something against the wall HARD, take a cold shower, excersize until you cant breathe, watch comedy.

[georgiamay]

No one deserves to feel like they need to cut. No matter how much you think you do, you don't.
Numbness is never good, but the release of cutting, and the feeling for cutting are only temporary, and once they're gone, everything just goes back to the way it was before, and I know you know that. It might sound harsh, but it's true.
I know what it's like to not be able to think of a reason not to cut, but I can tell you know that there are plenty; short sleeves, shorts, not feeling ashamed afterwards, not having to cover yourself up, not being at risk for bleeding too much or infection. I could go on and on.
You don't need this. Like you said, even if you cut, you won't sleep tonight, so what would be the point in cutting? There isn't a point.
You're strong enough to know that you shouldn't otherwise you wouldn't have made this thread explaining why you want it. You know it doesn't do anything.

You shouldn't punish yourself for feeling numb. Never punish yourself for your feelings, or lack of.

Keep yourself busy. Throw stuff, hold an ice cube, write down the way you feel like you did in this thread, but on paper, and then read through it and rip it up. Anything.

Everyone here understands what it's like to go through something similar to this, so we're all able an willing to help. If you ever need someone to talk to, drop me a PM, I'm always here.
Take care :hug3:

[kidkizzet]

you shouldnt punish urself for not feeling pain. Even though my reason for cutting is aways to let go of too much emotional pain, i havent in about a month. Bcs i cant, and if i think about it it drives me crazy, if you feel like cutting do what i do, throw something against the wall HARD, take a cold shower, excersize until you cant breathe, watch comedy.
I don't just cut because I can't feel pain, I have other reasons, but it just happens to be one that plays on my mind a lot. I have tried all the things you mention, but it's still hard though, and sometimes I'm not able to do them things anyway.


No one deserves to feel like they need to cut. No matter how much you think you do, you don't.
Numbness is never good, but the release of cutting, and the feeling for cutting are only temporary, and once they're gone, everything just goes back to the way it was before, and I know you know that. It might sound harsh, but it's true.
I know what it's like to not be able to think of a reason not to cut, but I can tell you know that there are plenty; short sleeves, shorts, not feeling ashamed afterwards, not having to cover yourself up, not being at risk for bleeding too much or infection. I could go on and on.
You don't need this. Like you said, even if you cut, you won't sleep tonight, so what would be the point in cutting? There isn't a point.
You're strong enough to know that you shouldn't otherwise you wouldn't have made this thread explaining why you want it. You know it doesn't do anything.

You shouldn't punish yourself for feeling numb. Never punish yourself for your feelings, or lack of.

Keep yourself busy. Throw stuff, hold an ice cube, write down the way you feel like you did in this thread, but on paper, and then read through it and rip it up. Anything.

Everyone here understands what it's like to go through something similar to this, so we're all able an willing to help. If you ever need someone to talk to, drop me a PM, I'm always here.
Take care :hug3:

Yeah, I know I don't need to cut, but I feel like I need it. It does depend on circumstances as to how I exactly feel about it all, but right now there's a need for it that's bigger than before, and there's just more and more reason to cut.
I know the release and feeling is only temporary, but it helps, and I know things will go back to the way they were before soon, but sometimes I can't get through the day without cutting. Sometimes all this shit is just too hard and I can't do anything because of the way things are, and that's when I end up cutting because I know nothing can get done unless things change, cutting can be the release to help me get things done.

I know there's so many reasons not to cut but the reasons aren't always enough to stop me.

Yeah, and I didn't sleep, but cutting helped me through last night. Eased something somewhere. And even if I hadn't cut then, then I'd have probably cut today because this shit is crazy and there's so much going on right now.

Anyways, I'm done with cutting, I can't cut. I hate my moments of weakness. I can't cut man.

Thanks for the reply.