Dating Troubles

[yankeefan7723]

Okay so right now in my life I have a strong desire for a girlfriend. My last relationship was about 4 months ago and ended in about a month. She was one of my close friends and she told me her feelings for me had just changed. We never hung out outside of school during that time nor did we kiss despite me inviting her to hang out on several occasions. I was totally fine with the breakup because I was extremely nervous about dating myself.

See I'm 16. Before this last girlfriend my last relationship was almost 2 years before it and it ended the same way as this one. We flirted through texts and got all lovey dovey, but we never hung out and as a result we just stopped speaking. You're probably wondering why in the hell am I agreeing to a relationship I never commit to.

The problem is I want to commit. I want to have a girlfriend and share the experiences couples do. I'm outgoing, smart, and have been told by several girls that I was a good looking person. So why am I still girlin' over this? It's because of my weight. I'm not obese by any means. I just have a slight belly and chest fat. I'm a fairly athletic guy and I'd like to think I can run with the best of them and sometimes I can. I even lost 25 pounds a few years back which was a huge help, but I still wasn't slim and so I ended up getting cocky and slipped off weight watchers. I'm 5' 8" 180 and I'd like to get rid of this fat.

I don't get any fatter anymore. Reason I was fat in the first place was because of my metabolism being slow around age 9 onward. Now I eat fairly well with some bad choices and don't gain any fat. I just need to lose this weight, but it's hard and I feel like I don't have any confidence in myself as far as dating goes because of my weight. I come off as someone who isn't really fat, almost muscley looking. So I'm afraid that a girl may think my body is one way and when I take my shirt off she'll realize she was wrong and want to end the relationship.

Now I know if a girl doesn't like me for me that's her loss, but it's just a huge fear. I really would have liked to fully explore my last two relationships as much as possible, but my weight has always gotten to me. What should I do now? Just continue on as I was and hope to overcome my fear or attempt to slim down? I haven't kissed a girl since I was 9 when I made out with a neighbor of mine who was like 2 years my senior a few times. I talk to girls all the time, it's just the dating part that gets me because of my weight.

Sorry if this was a long read, but I felt like it had to be.

[Sapphire]

The problem with the relationships isn't that you are fat or any other negative characteristic you want to assign yourself. It's that you just aren't spending time as girlfriend and boyfriend. Spend time as a couple and then you will get to experience the things couples do.

You need to become more comfortable with yourself though. I don't mean lose weight until you have no fat on you at all - I mean learn to accept yourself. Positive self talk can be a good way to do this (google it for more info). By becoming comfortable with yourself, you should notice your fear of rejection lessen.

[Nevfx]

The only problem I see is not spending enough time together. I got with my girl last December, and have spent every day with her since then.

[Trickster]

You can talk all you want on the phone, computer or smoke signals. but until you have the face to face interaction then your relationship may not last. I think you have to be more direct and come to see them and talk with them. As in you ask them to meet at your locker or something and just hang out. Its not going out if you dont...go out. Dating is nerve recking and can be messy but you have to take that leap and be courageous, the most she can say if you go out is "sorry, im busy. tomorrow?"