Cousin issues :/

[Art_dude]

My older cousin Nicole, (just turned 20), is very close to me. We're both the artists of the family so we really understand each other's uniqueness. We adoringly label ourselves the 'black sheep' of the family xD

But lately she's been kinda critical of me. I don't know how to describe it but she's been leaving sort of back handed compliments or passive aggressive comments on my facebook. She's very dry and sarcastic so it's hard to really tell if she means any of it, but I can sense a twinge of truth behind her comments and it not only worries me, but it obviously is bugging the crap out of me. I had posted some photograph I like for example and she wrote, "Look at me I'm Alex, and I'm all artistic." At first I laughed because it was funny, but you know when you can just SENSE that it's coming from a place of meanness? Like it just doesn't sit right? that's pretty much the type of things she says.

Another example: My Aunt (her mother) when they last stayed over asked me how I was enjoying my new yoga mat she gave me as a gift. I told her that I was really enjoying it and I thanked her again for giving it to me. Then Nicole made some comment like, "you're such a freak." I knew it wasn't coming from a place of aggression, she was genuinely trying to be funny, but it's almost as if she just can't pick up the appropriate time or tone to say it. It's like, I'm so fucking tired of her calling me weird, or a freak. I'm certainly different than most teens but she acts as though I'm like REALLLLLY out there when in reality I'm pretty mainstream.

I think maybe it's just her projecting... she's verrrry 'weird' herself. Maybe she's trying to make me seem weirder than I am to make herself feel more normal? Idk... I'm just tired of it. What should I do? I'm losing patience at this point but I don't want to be mean...

[The Madness.]

Have you guys had an argument at all about something lately? She may not be wanting to talk about it, and she's still mad at you about it, and so she's being rude like this.

Or, this just could be her personality. If her heart's in the right place, when she's trying to be funny, then maybe you should just ignore it, or try and talk to her about it, seeing why the change in moods lately, and figure it all out.

[Art_dude]

No we haven't had an argument - that's why I'm confused :/ I neglected to add that she has bipolar disorder, so maybe she switched medications or hasn't taken them lately. That may have something to do with it...

I'm starting to doubt whether her heart really is in the right place tho... I mean, I can really sense that twinge of meanness know what I mean? Like the stuff she's saying just isn't sitting right. I think that since she's been home from college, she's realized just how abnormal her life is (she has quite a few issues at home with her mom) so I think she wants to make everyone look like 'the freak' so she seems more normal. Idk... I may just try talking to her. Thanks Katie :)

But I guess the real question I want to ask is how do you deal with something like that in a social situation gracefully? It's so incredibly awkward, and embarrassing, I don't know where to begin to respond, or how to respond. Or whether I should even respond at all :/

[Blood]

It's most likely her bipolar acting up. If I were you, I would just give her some space. It's not worth getting worked up over.

And on the social issue, just say something like 'Ok, Nicole' and dismiss it.

[Art_dude]

Yea I'm guessing it's that. I'll just try to give her space then :/

And you're so right - saying something like, "ok, Nicole" puts the pressure on her. She can embarrass herself. People are definitely made uncomfortable by it. I'm not going to try to laugh it off and defend her. Thanks so much :)

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Basically, sit her down. Speak to her. Explain to her your feelings and concerns. Like you do have a close relationship with her right? So, just be like, "Nicole, I feel..." If you use "you" then she'll automatically take defense. But... if you say, "I feel..." then she will listen, you guys may argue or talk things out. Whatever the case may be, you have to be patient, and she needs to show a understanding. Otherwise it will turn into a big battle. Hoped this helped :) Good luck Alex.

[Nevfx]

I think its just the way she is, to be honest.

Just speak to her, its all you can do.