Friends and family reactions

[adaman1]

Hey, when you first told your family and friends that you were gay, or in my case, Bi, how did they react? were your parents mad, did your guy friends stop being your friends? is it safer to stay in the closet?

[Billy15]

Adam, I can't speak for others but for me (sadly) it's safer to stay in the closet. Some people can handle the hassels and rejection for simply being themselves but I can't. Besides that, this is a very homophobic town and I have homophobic parents (it's just the mentality around here) and to be honest, I can't handle breaking my parents hearts, so except for here on VT, I will keep all that to myself and just wait for my day to come and I know in my heart it will.

[karl]

I didn't have the luxury of 'telling'. I was caught in the act by my father. He went ballistic and knocked me about quite severely. It was the last straw that broke my parents' marriage, though for that relatives and friends have been kind enough to say it wasn't my fault. My father sends my mum money each month for my keep, but I don't have any contact with him myself.

[adaman1]

I didn't have the luxury of 'telling'. I was caught in the act by my father. He went ballistic and knocked me about quite severely. It was the last straw that broke my parents' marriage, though for that relatives and friends have been kind enough to say it wasn't my fault. My father sends my mum money each month for my keep, but I don't have any contact with him myself.

That's terrible... I am really sorry man... who knew that that could have suuch terrible ramifications... hmmm... I just don't know... I guess it makes sense not to tell, but its hard not being myself...

[Captor K]

I live in a rather virulent anti-gay community. I pretty much know where my family stands on the gay issue, and it's not that favorable. I haven't told them yet; I'm saving that moment for October 11th this year, which is National Coming Out Day. I've been spending time getting prepared for the possible upheaval that's likely to happen. Either way, I'm not scared or worried like I used to be. I have a life to live, and I can't let them dictate it.

Friend-wise, I haven't lost any friends to those who know I'm gay. In some instances, the friendship has become stronger (as was the case with my best friend), and in other cases, the relationship remained pretty much the same as before. Sure, a few of my friends didn't believe me at first, but they came around.

Technically, in some cases, it is safer to stay in the closet, but not always. People will find reasons to hate you for something, whether you're gay or not. That's just how mucked up life can be. Even if someone doesn't know that you, personally, are gay, if they express their contempt for those who are gay, they're still hating you regardless. Sometimes coming out will help these people see gays in a different light, if it's someone they know. Not always the case though, but it does happen. You never know what lies in wait. So, while remaining in the closet might keep you relatively safe from physical harm and/or discrimination of sorts, it is one of the unhappiest, loneliest, and scariest places to be. Sometimes it's equally bad, if not worse, to remain closeted.

I came out of the closet because I wanted to be selfish, and I don't mean to make that sound bad. But I'd remained in the closet all my life, suppressing my happiness, my potential to live life fully, my endless capacity to love, because I was bent on pleasing others and scared of disappointing them. People's hopes, dreams, and expectations for me were not the things I wanted to achieve in life. I have my own goals, my own one life, and I need to enjoy it because it can end at any moment.

So while I am sorry that I can't be the perfect little heterosexual son/brother/friend that many people will want and expect me to be, I don't apologize to anybody for being gay. Coming out of the closet was the biggest step of my life (and one I will continually have to make), but also one of the most relieving. There is no way in hell I am going back in. Fuck that.

*ramble ramble ramble* Sorry for the ramble. :)

[One_Kay]

I never and would want to tell my parents. Every time that they say "When you grow up and have kids, what do you think your life will be?" I answered, "Mom, I won't get marry in the future. I'm not going to have kids." But parents are parents and they don;t quite understand sometimes. Most they do. It's just hard for us, because our level of comfortability isn't the same. However, when I told my friends, they were cool with it. Some of my friends (girls) said it was awesome. The guys just said, "It's not my fault, but it will be if you start doing things to me." So they're cool, but I got to just stay in control.

[minicoopkart]

The first person I ever came out to as being gay was my best friend, and this was the best thing that could ever happen. Around him, and eventually some other really good friends I told (including a girl who loved me), I could finally be myself, and I didn't have to act or dress like what everybody else did. Well with my personality I always followed what other people would do, now I'm individual and I love it.
I really want to come out to everybody, so I can just be free, but that can be a big problem. Most friends and family won't treat me the same. Other friends think it will be awkward hanging around me. And I've always been horrible with dealing with losing friends. And with parents, it's a different story. I never wanted to be close to my mom, but I was always really close with my dad. But, as Colombians, they were really taught to marry and have kids. I just moved from New Jersey, when I was open to my friends, to Colombia, where it's different. My dad has said things like: "You know when people say, do whatever makes you happy? Well don't believe it". "I'll help you through anything in life, unless your gay", or just when he says when you find a nice girl in the new school, I get depressed. And especially after moving to a new country, new language, and being bipolar, it doesn't help at all. So I could probably never handle my dad disowning me since I'm so close to him. So the only time I could come out is either 1 night when I'm pissed drunk, and then tell them, or when I move out.

[Andrew.6]

well

[willrod]

It honestly depends what part of the country you live in, I think. Where I live it's not something that people talk about a lot, but at the same time, they're not really homophobic either, if you understand what I'm saying. People here tend to just look the other way, which I'm perfectly fine with. When I came out, all of my family and friends basically just shrugged it off, no big deal. They don't mention it a lot, unless it comes up in conversation, which it does sometimes. Other than that, they see that being gay is only part of who I am, and they treat me just like a regular guy, which I am thankful for.

[The Batman]

My mom acted like she was supportive but secretly she told people she couldn't talk to me for a while. My sister told everyone like she was proud of it, then my mom told everyone. My brother told me I was disgusting and then he got over it. Basically it was a giant mess but the only thing I regret is not doing it earlier.