heycareyx
September 5th, 2010, 09:14 PM
it's september now. it's been almost five months since the first time i cut. i know the exact date it happened, and why and everything. it was april 15. i had been depressed for a month now, well diagnosed. i already knew i had been depressed for two years before that. but i had been texting my mom asking if she could pick me up from school because i felt horrible. she started yelling at me, calling me a bitch and selfish, and a hypochondriac, and more names i won't say. yes, i was in class the first time i did it. we happened to be using scissors. i just went over my skin a couple times, and nobody noticed. right when i got home, i found something for nails and did it twice more. right after that, texted my friend who used to cut. that monday she had me go to my counselor. he ended up forgeting about me, although i never told him i cut. but now, her and her boyfriend hate me. but that next day, i cut five more times. and it felt good. it bled, and felt amazing. but i still new it was wrong. i cried for a while, not believing what i had done. but i couldn't help myself anymore. only two days into it, i was addicted. that morning, i went for a 3 hour drive with my mom. i made sure to hide it. my best guy friend, who a week later turned into my boyfriend, helped me stop. i only did it twice within the next month and a half. but then he wanted to go too far one night when we were hanging out. he did go to far. he then became the reason for me cutting for a few weeks. and at the same time, my brother(who's bi polar and a lot like me when he was my age--i just turned 15) started to be suicidal. he tried to kill himself every day for two weeks. he wouldn't get help. he became the bigger reason for me cutting. he ended up going to the hospital for a week and came to live with my family. i then was clean for a month and half before he tried again. that was when i started cutting in new places. four on my wrists, and two on my thigh. that was also when i told my best guy friend about it. and ever since then, for the past two months, he's been staying up until 2am on the phone with me, helping me through everything. he's meaning a lot for me right now, and honestly, he's probably saving my life right now. for the past two months, i've only cut three times. that's a good thing for me. except now he wants me to get help, but i can't. my parents will get in trouble, and i'll be sent away to a crazy place, or to foster care. either way, it would turn out bad. throughout the five months, i've cut 26 times in 3 different places. i came here to tell my story, and i suppose for advice. so, thank you for reading this.