attention

[Asylum]

this is just a bit of a vent... but i also have a question so please help me if you can.


i've been watching my friend... she idnd't start cutting until she knew me and another friend that she like was... she then got "addicted" and si cutting in the most obvious places ever 2 weeks. she doesn't even have a reason most of the time, nor does she try to stop, she says she does, but she doesn't. now from personal experience and watching other friends go thru with SI i know when someone is trying... and "trying". she also brings it up in all conversatiosn with me, puts pics on facebook, goes around not hiding it. now you may say.. well perhaps she doens't care anymore or it hurts her and she can't cover it... well explain the pics... i dress emo which has nothing to do with self hamr i know... but now all the sudden she does.. and guess what?!?! she used to hate e when a cmaper called her emo, it would puset her, now hse goes aroiund saying... yea i'm emo :) i'm like wtf?!?!?? seirously... :( sooo frustrating.. so how do i get her to stop cutting when she is so caught up in the attention aspect of it?

[Ryukie]

there was a girl at my school like this and we had the same problem. your friend may want someone to notice because she wants help although the pictures are a little confusing. our friend really like the atttention and had pictures on her phone (of her cuts) that she'd set as the display then 'accidentally' drop in front of people. perhaps she saw you and the other person doing and wondered what it was like? if it's really bothering you then you should sit down and talk to her one to one and just ask her to be honest because when it boils down to it she is your mate. and if she doesnt give a valid reason then maybe you should suggest alternatives? we got our friend to ring us when she was about to hurt herslef and for a while it worked. if it is just for atention then the only way she'd stop is if she stopped getting attention. and regarding the whole emo thing it sounds as if she looks up to you and it also sounds like she has low confidence? just going on what you said so maybe she needs something to boost her self esteem? sorry if i've waffled but i hope it helps
:)

[Fiction]

It does seem to me that's she doing it for the attention, although you have to wonder what has made her cut to get attention. Maybe there is attention that should have been given in another part of her life, such as from her family? Maybe you should ask her why she does it before accusing her of the attention seeking. Get her to trust you and maybe she will open up a bit. ALthough it could also be just for the straight attention and you should ignore her and not give her waht she wants.

[brennaluvv]

Tell her it's lame and people are going to think she's weird, not feel bad for her.

[Asylum]

thank you all for your responses.

Kathy- i never jumped to the conclusion that she did it for attention... it's been a few weeks where i was trying to deny it... i have been asking her the why for sometime now, there is never a reason, or they won't make sense or they will change.
we are both best friends and are very open with each other. we know everything about each other. she can't say it's stress cuz she is taking 1 class a semester, she can't say home, because her home life is great, and she is always spending the night at least 2-3 nights at other people's homes, her parents are awesome, and she loves them. her parents cry when they see what she has done, they have spoken to her about it and told her they are getting her counseling..
i've told her to call me wen she wants to.. at frst she did, but she stopped.. and when i'd ask why didn't you call me, she'd be like oh... i forgot... i told her to go tell her dad to get scar remover stuff, get make up, i even gave her some... does she use it? no...

Ryuki- thanx hun i'll try some of what you said

i'm just really mad at her.. i felt sorry for her you know? i was there for her.. and all those nights i cried and was worried for her was useless... cuz she's just doing it for attention :( i'm a self harmer.. so i get offended when people do it for attention.. because that is just what people who dont' really understand assume right off the bat.. they don't think well perhaps there is a reasonn... or idk what she's been through... not to mention i'm concerned for her future... she is goign to have difficulty landing a job.. people will leave her... no one has left... her counsler willl probably lock her up.. i told her my psycologist is threatening me t send me to a mental hospital.. which she is.. cuz of my ADD and self harm she think's it's best. and that night she called me and was like so i think we should stop... if u cut urslf i'm doing it 10xs... i'm like no.. that won't work... yes it will....

sorry for the rambles :(

[Ryukie]

maybe you should tell her it's offending you becauses she's doing it for attention? though she may just be more open about it and get offended aswell. the fact that she's justifying cutting herself by saying well you do it too is unfair and the same reason our friend gave to me. i got so offended aswell. you should say something like your worried that she'll get found out so she should hide it. i dont know how old she is but if she's at school and a teacher sees it the teacher will tell her parents and the school may keep an eye on her or even suspend her. our friend go threatened with that. we said to our friend "the whole idea of self harm is that it's for you not anyone else".

[Asylum]

that's actaully very helpful thanx :)

[Ryukie]

that's okays :)

[DarkHorses]

Anyone who self harms has a problem, even if they are doing it for attention. If your friend is self harming for attention, then chances are she is still struggling. Maybe she doesn't get enough attention at home from her parents, or she feels like her friends don't pay her as much attention as she would like. She obviously feels attention deprived, and she finds it easier to get negative attention than to get what she sees as none at all. You might not agree that she doesn't get enough attention, but obviously this is the way she feels, even if it's subconsciously.

I think you should explain to your friend that you care about her, and that she doesn't need to do these things to herself to get your attention, or the attention of anybody else in her life. Tell her that there are a lot of POSITIVE things she can do to get attention, and that cutting herself just really isn't worth it. Urge her to talk to anyone she feels does not give her enough attention, and let her know that she doesn't need to self harm to be cared about.

Chances are she does have a 'reason' for self harming, even if it seems like a strange one to you. She may truly be struggling, even if this is for attention. Eventually she's going to realize that this isn't the right way to get attention, and she'll appreciate you being such a good friend to her. Keep being there for her, one day she'll really be thankful.