I cant do it anymore.

[smile]

I cant do this anymore. I have tried to stop self harming. First i manged 2 months. Now i am an just over 3 weeks. Instead of self harming i just want to die. I have felt this before but without cutting i feel it so much worse and some day i just know i will do it. Im scared. But then i want it to happen. I cant do this anymore. Maybe if i carried on self harming i wouldnt feel like this. I know i shouldnt but oh i want to so much. I want to go to deep I want something bad to happen. Im a coward. I cant deal with life anymore. I dont know what to do or even why i am writing this. Im so sorry.

[Scarface]

Well first of all never be sorry for sharing how you feel. I'm so happy that you came to VT to let it all out as this is a great first step. I'm also glad that you haven't self-harmed in a while, but it sucks that you have to feel as though you want to die. You definitely don't want to die. It's certainly not worth it.

I've been down the road before especially when you first stop self-harming, it's like withdrawing. Almost like alcoholics do when they stop drinking and they no longer have it anymore so they go through something like a phase of withdraw. You just have to get over that hump of "needing" to cut. I know what it's like to be in the routine of always cutting or having a sort of crutch so I didn't have to feel the way I felt. You don't have to fall back into that. You're certainly not a coward especially seeing as though you have conjured up 3 weeks. I do know how hard it is to not have that anymore, but try and replace that habit with a good one.

Start a journal. That way you can keep track of your progress and write down your feelings. Just to have something to express yourself and have your own little space to say anything you want. I have found journals to be helpful beyond explanation. I really hope that you keep up the progress and you don't give into that shitty temptation because you're strong you have made it this far, why give up now? You can do it. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here.

[welcome_to_chaos]

Like goose said. its like being an alcoholic you feel you need to cut. most of the people on here have gone through something along the lines of that including me. it may seem hard but you can make it. dont give in. you said you dont know why you posted that. well i do. somewhere deep down wants to live. if you wanted to die u certainly wouldnt have posted that. hold onto that small part of you wanting to survive. if you do then you can get through this. if you need anything. anything vm ok? youll get thru this :)

[DarkHorses]

Hannah,

You're definitely not a coward. We all have hard times, and sometimes we turn to 'solutions' that end up doing more harm than good. It doesn't make you weak, and it doesn't mean that you can't change your ways. Everyone struggles. It doesn't mean you can't make it through.

First I think you should try to decipher your reasons for hurting yourself. What problems are affecting you to the point that you need to turn to something like self harm? Maybe you should make a list of the issues you're facing in life, of the things that make you feel the need to hurt yourself. That way you'll know what problems you need to try to work through most in order to solve your problem with self harm.

Maybe you could talk to someone about the problems that are causing you to feel this way. It helps to talk things through with someone, and this might serve as a helpful alternative to cutting, as well as help you to resolve problems that cause you to self harm.

You also should try to come up with alternatives to hurting yourself. There's a lot of things you can do to get your mind off of emotions. You can take a walk and get away from everything, read a book, write, or just go online. Is there anything you like to do that gives you relief from your problems? If there is, turn to those things as a replacement to self harm. If there's not, try some new things and try to discover an alternative and a distraction that can help you.

Every moment that you struggle you begin to find yourself. The hardest moments in your life are the moments that you become who you are. You're suffering for a reason, and even though it's hard to believe one day you will be grateful for what you have been through. That one's of the many things I've learned through my struggles.

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Hang in there. :)

[smile]

Thankyou so much for your replies, it means a lot.

I dont really know what to say but thankyou for all the suggestions. Ronnie, the journal seems like a good idea, i will try that thankyou. I know its not worth it, it just seems like the only option i have at the moment. Im sorry you went through the same thing too. Im trying everything i know. Thankyou so much.

Ray, i get the alcoholic thing, i guess it is like the same. Thanks, your right i think i do actually want to live i just dont know how to escape everything anymore, im still trying to hold on. Thankyou, yes i will, thanks.

Amanda, okay..thanks, i guess that doesnt make me weak but i still feel like i am. I dont know the reasons anymore, which is why i feel so pathetic, i shouldnt need to do any of this. I went through stuff ages ago but now its fine. But yeah i will try and see why i am doing it so i can stop, thankyou so much. I feel like a burden when talking to people, everyone else has problems, like on here everyone is struggling so much more than me so i am so sorry to be wasting your time and cluttering everything up :( but i shall try thankyou. I swim, that helps, but sometimes its very difficult to have the guts to do with like scars and stuff... I will thankyou, i read too. Thankyou that is a great way to think about it. Im sorry to go on, thankyou for your time :)
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