Syvelocin
September 1st, 2010, 10:34 PM
It's like I'm with the entire world, screaming my lungs out, and no one even notices. I could probably do that, too, and no one would look up.
Every time I cry, no one can even take it as a clue that I'm unhappy.
Every time I bleed, no one takes a second look.
Just once, I'd like for someone to see me on the floor, and just kneel down and, maybe touch my back or something, to let me know at least that they know I'm upset.
They see me upset, and they give me a look that says, "Oh, you're crying. That's nice," and they lift a newspaper to cover their face again.
You'd think, after two trips to the hospital, something would click in their minds. Self harmer + Bipolar + upset = a few slits in her leg and a depressing poem. Maybe I should make sure she's alright, not leave her alone in her room for five hours.
I know I can't expect them to read my mind, but is noticing that I'm upset too much to ask? To pay attention just a little bit to their first born? I asked my mom for steri-strips one night because I had cut a little too deeply, though she heard me, she made sure my little sister understood her math homework before helping me while my arm was bleeding out. She didn't even ask what they were for.
In my dreams, my mother is like a big sister. And my father's always there to watch a movie with me or make pancakes at midnight. I just wish my dreams lasted longer.
Every time I cry, no one can even take it as a clue that I'm unhappy.
Every time I bleed, no one takes a second look.
Just once, I'd like for someone to see me on the floor, and just kneel down and, maybe touch my back or something, to let me know at least that they know I'm upset.
They see me upset, and they give me a look that says, "Oh, you're crying. That's nice," and they lift a newspaper to cover their face again.
You'd think, after two trips to the hospital, something would click in their minds. Self harmer + Bipolar + upset = a few slits in her leg and a depressing poem. Maybe I should make sure she's alright, not leave her alone in her room for five hours.
I know I can't expect them to read my mind, but is noticing that I'm upset too much to ask? To pay attention just a little bit to their first born? I asked my mom for steri-strips one night because I had cut a little too deeply, though she heard me, she made sure my little sister understood her math homework before helping me while my arm was bleeding out. She didn't even ask what they were for.
In my dreams, my mother is like a big sister. And my father's always there to watch a movie with me or make pancakes at midnight. I just wish my dreams lasted longer.