Its happening again.

[Kaius]

Well, I don't really know how to start. I'm not one for really making these types of threads.

My uncle died yesterday afternoon. Quite suddenly, he had a massive heart attack. We were quite close, but not extremely father-son kind of close, but it hit me quite hard. Truthfully I don't think it has hit me fully yet. Last night was when it started to sink in a little more, just after everyone went to bed I was up alone. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to do a lot of things. Instead of planning his 40th birthday we're now planning his funeral. Sleeping has become fucked up, and I guess it probably seems pathetic, but I keep waking up expecting to see him standing at the bottom of my bed or something, it honestly scares the shit out of me. We had a family gathering today, i spent a bit of time with my cousin, his daughter. I know what its like to lose a father, so it made me feel slightly calmer at the fact there are others that are taking it harder than I am, but i just can't accept it. I guess what i'm asking for here is guidance. I thought having gone through it various times before would make this easier.. but it doesn't, more than anything, it just makes it feel worse.

[nick]

Aaron, first of all I'm so sorry. I know how much grief you've already had to deal with and it seems so unfair that you should have more now.

I know exactly what you mean about the not wanting to sleep and the end of the bed thing, I've experienced those thoughts myself, also the slightly uncomfortable thought that the dead person is watching everything I do from heaven, and I mean everything!

There is no magic formula to make it any easier. Maybe if you are able to support and help your cousin that will help you too. Beyond that, all I can do is offer my love, support, prayers and best wishes.


Nick

[Art_dude]

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

I know logically, it may seem like having lost a father yourself, you would expect it to be easier, but it isn't - especially in a case where the death was sudden and unexpected. A heart attack at 40 is not something you see coming. Life often gives us these freak accidents and its a hard pill to swallow. I think the real reason as to why this seems so much worse to you is because you know the ramifications of the death of a loved one - no doubt you love your cousin, and you know the pain she will go through. knowing and seeing the pain and suffering that will happen to a loved one is painful for everyone. And to have that coupled with your own sadness for your uncle's loss really adds to the load.

As tough a time as this is, see it as an opportunity to (with your own personal history and wisdom) be a guide for your cousin. The loss of your father makes you the perfect confidant for your cousin who will want your guidance about what happens after such a life changing event. I think that the two of you have some real potential to grow from this situation and to share in the grieving process. I know dark times are ahead, but know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope this helps in some way. :hug: