A Little Hope and Some Love

[Captor K]

This is pretty much geared to anyone in the LGBT category, but if you just wanna read this anyway, hell, why not? :)

As a few of my VT friends know, I've started college. For those of you on VT who are closeted and don't think/plan on coming out any time soon, college, as many have said before, is a great place to take those first few steps out of the closet. Why? Well, in my experience, nobody is going to give a damn (but in the good way). I have a lot of high school friends who came here, and I told them, and they were loving and supportive about it. My roommate is totally cool with it, and so are my suitemates and all the numerous other people who know. Nobody acts weird or treats me any differently.

Basically, what I'm saying, is that if you are afraid, or having difficulty with yourself right now, try not to let it get the better of you. Middle school or high school might not be ideal for you to come out, but it is a different story once you are in college. People actually have brains (omg, I know right??). There are likely to be clubs and/or organizations dedicated to helping you accept and understand yourself (I joined Outreach, my college's gay-straight alliance). The purpose of Outreach at my school is basically to raise awareness and and educate our gay, bisexual, and straight friends about sex and sexuality. You know, all that good stuff.

You are not alone.

^ That one sentence there is what I want anyone reading this to understand. You are not alone in this. You may feel like there is no one to talk to, and that maybe no one understands you, or you can never make peace with yourself, or that you don't know what's going on inside of you, or that you are afraid of others knowing, or that your orientation is a burden almost too heavy to bear.....

But you are not alone.

You have us, the people who have come out of the closet, (I blew mine up, metaphorically speaking). You are loved; you are cherished; you are beautifully made inside and out, whether you realize it or not. We are here; we are listening, and we hear your cries of silent agony, and we speak so that you don't have to hurt so much. I know that life may seem impossible right now (I've been there, I know), and that it is unendurable, but speaking from experience, you do not have to live thinking it will always be this way. It won't. It will get better, sometimes slowly though. And use that time to build yourself up, grow confidence in who you are, love who you are, and other people will notice.

You are never alone; and even if you should feel that you are, always know that one of us is there somewhere with you, squeezing your hand, reassuring you that there is truly a light at the end of the black, black tunnel. And you are the light, but you have to find it within yourself. Don't be afraid to look. I personally offer my own shoulder for any who may want to talk.

tl;dr: love, love, love, and hug some trees. =D

[chazzrox2]

Great advice mate, even thought i'm not gay or w/e, i think it's importnat that people realise that it's okay to be LGBT there is nothing wrong with it.
Just a question tho, you can PM rather than post if you like, but why didn't you come out earlier?

[Captor K]

Great advice mate, even thought i'm not gay or w/e, i think it's importnat that people realise that it's okay to be LGBT there is nothing wrong with it.
Just a question tho, you can PM rather than post if you like, but why didn't you come out earlier?

Nah, I don't mind answering here.

And my answer to the question is fear. I was afraid and very lonely because of it. Exactly what I was afraid of is a bit more difficult to answer; probably all of the things I listed in the prior post and then some. My ignorance and fear of what it really meant to be "gay" is what kept me from coming out (at least to myself) for all those years. Those two little words, "I'm gay," can be so powerful that many of us just can't speak them. Knowing the truth and speaking the truth can be two very different things. I knew I was gay, but my fear, my self-hatred, my anger...all that kept me from confessing it to myself. For many of us, self-acceptance can be immensely difficult, and can take time to come to terms with.

Of course, from experience, once you do come out to yourself, it becomes easier to handle. The healing can begin. For me, I had to face my fear(s), which in the case of being gay, meant I had to face myself. I simply just can't accept some things in life without questioning them. If I were afraid of being gay, I needed to ask myself "Why?" I went through each fear, each hesitancy that I came across in my struggle for self-acceptance and asked myself why was I afraid of it, and how could I overcome it. Searching for those answers when there don't seem to be any answers is a long, painful process, but it is often necessary. In my case anyhow.

And on top of not being ready to come out, I was wholly prepared to live my life in the closet. Yep, I was gonna do it. Wife, kids, all that good stuff. It wouldn't have been that hard (or would it?). But I had this little voice in my head ask, "Will you find happiness by doing this? What good will it accomplish?" And right away my responses were "No. None."

Fortunately, I am not the same guy I was up until a half year ago. I've expanded my knowledge on human sexuality, and I'm still studying it. All those old feelings of resentment and such are no more. I'm content, and I've moved on with life. As I said before, people in college are respectful of differences, but no one should wait until college to come out to themselves. I am still coming out; I have purposely put off telling the family until National Coming Out Day this year. But I am strong enough in myself to be prepared to handle their reactions accordingly.

I am somewhat driven now from my own past suffering to help lighten that of others who deal with the same feelings I felt then. That's partly the reason I am even on VT. I see little past me's all over the site, and I want to help every one that I can.

tl;dr: love, love love, and hug some trees =D (again)

[Billy15]

WOW Keaton, that is one of the coolest things I have ever read and it was like you were writing it directly to me (I know you wern't lol) but it's exactly how I feel most of the time (though I'm getting stronger and having more faith) and I just wanted you to know that what you wrote means a lot to many of us (me 4 sure) because most of the time I do feel alone, lost, hiding, afraid to be myself and well, it's just nice to hear from someone who has been there and survived and is happy now, so thanks a lot ok.

[Captor K]

WOW Keaton, that is one of the coolest things I have ever read and it was like you were writing it directly to me (I know you wern't lol) but it's exactly how I feel most of the time (though I'm getting stronger and having more faith) and I just wanted you to know that what you wrote means a lot to many of us (me 4 sure) because most of the time I do feel alone, lost, hiding, afraid to be myself and well, it's just nice to hear from someone who has been there and survived and is happy now, so thanks a lot ok.

In my own way, perhaps I was writing it directly to you.

On another note, it is perfectly understandable to feel the way that you do. But there is truth to the adage, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Those rough patches in your life where you're struggling (be it with being gay, or just in general), those are patches that are there for you to fill. If you allow others to feel them for you, with their anger and fear, it will surface within you. But if you yourself fill those rough patches with love, compassion, understanding, and generosity, it will also show. It's not always easy to do that, but it can be done. Use those struggling times to build yourself up.

Just remember to smile in the face of negativity and know that no matter what some might say to put you down, many more people will say things to pull you up.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
~ Mother Teresa

[Scooby Dooby Drew]

I'm sorry if this seems stupid, but this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0KfQmVXbk4) song reminds me quite a bit of your words here, and it's helped me feel better whenever I'm depressed (whether it be about my inablitiy to come out, or just because I really want a boyfriend XD).

This thread is very inspiring and wise, just as all your posts are Keaton, thanks for all your smarticleness XD
*HUG*

[Captor K]

I'm sorry if this seems stupid, but this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0KfQmVXbk4) song reminds me quite a bit of your words here, and it's helped me feel better whenever I'm depressed (whether it be about my inablitiy to come out, or just because I really want a boyfriend XD).

This thread is very inspiring and wise, just as all your posts are Keaton, thanks for all your smarticleness XD
*HUG*

I liked that song. :] It's good that you have something to help you feel better when you are down. Music is always good. I always did a lot of writing as my outlet. It all depends on the person, I suppose. As for those two parenthetical problems you mentioned, don't worry, you'll resolve them eventually. You just have to do it on your own time. No rush.

And I'm humbled by your compliment. Thank you. *hugs back*

[wtblife]

It isn't even so much college, people are just usually more mature at this age (more so this generation than the previous) and most people won't judge you. I don't really advertise that I'm gay in any way, but I still am honest about me being gay and have considered myself out for bout two years now even though I haven't had any sort of discussion about it with my parents. As much as I hate growing older (I hate losing my youth :P) there are a lot of nice things about it and it seems like most people have matured finally.

Just recently one of my old friends came out which I was really surprised about, I knew he had a bit of gay in him, but I thought he was still on the straighter side. I'm really surprised he never talked to me about it, but I guess he was still figuring stuff out and thought it might make things weird between us. I also just had some guy from high school that I didn't even really know add me on facebook probably just cause he found out I'm gay and I noticed his facebook says he's bi, it's nice talking to people like that and looking back at the stressful times.

[Lights]

Nah, I don't mind answering here.

And my answer to the question is fear. I was afraid and very lonely because of it. Exactly what I was afraid of is a bit more difficult to answer; probably all of the things I listed in the prior post and then some. My ignorance and fear of what it really meant to be "gay" is what kept me from coming out (at least to myself) for all those years. Those two little words, "I'm gay," can be so powerful that many of us just can't speak them. Knowing the truth and speaking the truth can be two very different things. I knew I was gay, but my fear, my self-hatred, my anger...all that kept me from confessing it to myself. For many of us, self-acceptance can be immensely difficult, and can take time to come to terms with.

Of course, from experience, once you do come out to yourself, it becomes easier to handle. The healing can begin. For me, I had to face my fear(s), which in the case of being gay, meant I had to face myself. I simply just can't accept some things in life without questioning them. If I were afraid of being gay, I needed to ask myself "Why?" I went through each fear, each hesitancy that I came across in my struggle for self-acceptance and asked myself why was I afraid of it, and how could I overcome it. Searching for those answers when there don't seem to be any answers is a long, painful process, but it is often necessary. In my case anyhow.

And on top of not being ready to come out, I was wholly prepared to live my life in the closet. Yep, I was gonna do it. Wife, kids, all that good stuff. It wouldn't have been that hard (or would it?). But I had this little voice in my head ask, "Will you find happiness by doing this? What good will it accomplish?" And right away my responses were "No. None."

Fortunately, I am not the same guy I was up until a half year ago. I've expanded my knowledge on human sexuality, and I'm still studying it. All those old feelings of resentment and such are no more. I'm content, and I've moved on with life. As I said before, people in college are respectful of differences, but no one should wait until college to come out to themselves. I am still coming out; I have purposely put off telling the family until National Coming Out Day this year. But I am strong enough in myself to be prepared to handle their reactions accordingly.

I am somewhat driven now from my own past suffering to help lighten that of others who deal with the same feelings I felt then. That's partly the reason I am even on VT. I see little past me's all over the site, and I want to help every one that I can.

tl;dr: love, love love, and hug some trees =D (again)

I can relate to the paragraph you've bolded unbelievably. I can just about say to myself that I'm gay, but only in my head. Not out loud.
It kills me inside to know that I may never have biological kids of my own. A lot of me really wants to live a fake life so I can go ahead and have kids and maybe I'll fall in love with the woman. Sure it's far-fetched... but it's kids!
I go through phases of accepting myself, and phases of reverting to the "I'll lead a fake life" and I'm tired of it. I don't have anyone whom I can really speak to in real life and so all I can do is vent online. And I mean no offence to anybody, but someone to talk to in real life is worth more than someone online.
No I'm not out the closet and I have no idea when I will be. I can't face ever telling my parents when they make remarks like "Good luck to the girl who marries you". Their minds are set on me going out with a girl, and if I tell them I like boys over girls, I just don't know how they're going to react.
I told 4 of my ex-friends about my sexuality, but since then things happened and we're no longer friends. The people I am friends with now I don't trust enough to tell and I think they could be the sort of people that would go off me if I said. One of them's a strong Christian who's purely against homosexuality.
I'm just lost at the moment to say the least. Your posts have been somewhat comforting though showing that I'm not the only one going through/has been through this sort of thing.
I repped you up because they were such decent posts.

[/long vent]

[wtblife]

One of them's a strong Christian who's purely against homosexuality.

I actually have quite a few Christian friends that don't really approve of homosexuality, but I just be who I am and even though they aren't close friends I still hang out with them sometimes. My sexuality isn't who I am so I don't really let it bother me too much although sometimes it does feel a bit weird tbh. They know better than to try to start shit though because the majority isn't behind them and their gfs would probably dump them. They don't even say anything if I talk about other guys and whatnot, but I'm usually talking to one of their gfs and we're all close friends so it'd be like starting drama.

I also know what you mean about wanting kids and everything, I've wanted my own biological kids since I was little and I never thought I'd come out. Now I still don't know what will end up happening, but I think I'll probably settle down with a wife some day. I have little interest in girls, but I don't mind sleeping with them and love isn't limited to just sex. Another option is I might use an egg donor, no point thinking about it now really, I could fall in love with a girl some day ;P I'll probably be open to my kids and family about my feelings though and won't hide it.

[Lights]

I'm gonna be frank:
So you're willing to live a lie? Even though you're gay and definitely like boys over girls, you're willing to break a girl's heart because you want a family? Just like guys, girls want to be loved and adored. The woman you might go with wouldn't be loved, they'd want to be loved.
You've said your gay, yet you think you might fall in love with a woman? There's a difference between loving someone sexually, and loving someone as a friend.
And the children... you can't possibly put them through that.
I didn't mean for that to come across offensively. It's just living a lie.

[Lostboy]

Im about to start college here soon to and i plan on just letting people know im bi. its time for a fresh start any way. I know ill eventually fall in love again and weather its a guy or a girl im going to have kids. i dono how im going to meet any LBGT in the smaller town college area but ill see what i can do. good luck to every one coming out.